Eliminate The Nonessential

The great detective Sherlock Holmes famously said, "When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."

Likewise, we can apply this same methodology in removing those things and activities that do not enhance or advance our lives. In essence, when we have eliminated the nonessential, whatever remains, however seemingly simple, must be what is most important.

What are some truly nonessential things that get in the way of pursuing our dreams and goals? Surely excessive television watching and social media grazing steal away our time. Caffeine and insufficient sleep steal away energy. Excess sugar and dehydration steal away our vitality.

After removing these nonessential things, we often find that what remains are the simple basics. Things like reading more books, drinking sufficient water, and getting adequate rest each night.

We all know this, but it is amazing how easily we let ourselves get distracted and derailed and allow our schedules to be preoccupied by pointless minutiae that does not serve us.

In the military, they call it basic training for a reason. When you return to—and master—the fundamentals, the complexities usually take care of themselves.

This week, take some time to consider what nonessential activities or habits you could strip away from your daily routine to make room for the essentials. I recommend starting with changing just one thing. Ask yourself, "What is the one thing I could do or stop doing now that would radically impact my life in the next six months?"

You already know your answer, don't you?

Go and do that.

Fortune Friday: "You will be hungry again in one hour."

On first read, this is the biggest cop-out in fortune writing history.

On second read, this just might be pure genius.

How often do we pursue the pointless and meaningless in our lives? How often do we sacrifice our precious time and resources at the alter of mindless entertainment and empty commercialism?

Metaphorically speaking, we will just be hungry again in an hour. Because there is no substance. Nothing to fill us up and satiate us. Just mental junk food and empty calories.

Years ago I worked with a fellow who was continually flirting with a pretty—and very happily married—coworker. Day after day he would cruise by her cubicle and engage her in drawn out conversations. No doubt she enjoyed the attention, but was nevertheless uninterested.

As we watched this poor sap fruitlessly pursue his quarry, a friend would joke, in his best Confucius voice, "Why does he desire that which he cannot have?"

Still cracks me up whenever I think about it.

But the point is still valid. How often do we seek to sate our inner hunger with outer distractions that cannot possible fill us?

We'll just be hungry again in one hour.

To your good fortune!

Merry Christmas and Season's Greetings

Hard to believe another year has come and gone. They say time accelerates as you grow older and I am experiencing this phenomenon more and more.

This year has been interesting to say the least. Many ups and many downs. Unexpected trials and even more unexpected blessings. I sometimes feel like that episode of Seinfeld where Jerry always comes out "even Steven."

There were some career opportunities that never materialized, but the lessons and clarity I gathered from these disappointments will pave the way towards a better and brighter coming year. I am optimistic for what the future may bring, but honestly have no idea what form this future will take. Life is always a work in progress and I am glad to be able to stand at the proverbial easel.

All I will say for now is that I am so grateful for my wife, children, family and friends who continue to enrich my life, as well as all of you who continue to visit this site and read my articles. I appreciate your continued support.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! God bless us, every one.

Fortune Friday: "Seek friendship and you will find someone special this month."

Friendship is something dear to my heart. My whole life, and even now as a middle-aged man, I have yearned for close friends. Not just surface level acquaintances or social media followers, but true friends. Friends where I can go deep. Friends with whom I can delve into the darkest recesses of my soul.

Genuine friendships can fill a specific and necessary place in our lives. A place to share and grow and vent and laugh without the entanglements and emotional hot buttons we often have with our partners and family. Attached without attachment.

In olden times, when a man went to battle or to a duel, he would bring his Second. His lieutenant. His wing man. In fact, this fellow would say something along the lines of, "I am your man." He had your back—sometimes literally with a shield. He stood at your side through thick and thin. 

These kinds of deep, fulfilling friendships are not always easy to find. And when we do find them, they can take years and even decades to nurture. Yet the return is so worth the investment. Even one stalwart friend can ease and bless our journey through this life in ways we can't imagine.

I have never had a great many friends, but I have been blessed by a few great ones throughout my life.

Some have lasted. And they continue to enrich my life year after year.

Some have faded away either consciously or by circumstance. And even though they are no longer a part of my day-to-day, they have left an indelible mark on my heart that can never be erased.

To all my friends past, present and future, I thank you. I am forever grateful for you. You have made life truly worth living.

To your good fortune!

Release The Brakes In Your Life

Ever been driving your car around town and it seems like the engine is working overtime and the acceleration is poor—and then you start smelling a weird burning odor?

You pull off to the side of the road to try and ascertain the problem, only to look down and realize...

The emergency brake is still engaged.

Fixing the problems is quite simple. You just release the brake and go along your way.

Our lives can respond the same way.

Too often we just keep gunning the throttle. Pushing ourselves harder and harder at a frantic pace. Trying to squeeze too much activity into tool little time. But the brakes are still on. Remember, a car in gear will move forward all on its own—even in idle, without the pedal being pushed—so long as the emergency brake is off.

One of the major brakes we place on our lives is our own limiting beliefs about what is possible. Our bad habits are another example of how we get in our own way. In both instances, we stop ourselves before we even have a chance to get going, let alone build momentum or accelerate.

Focusing on building up our strengths is a smart practice. Much of the contemporary success literature espouses enhancing strengths over fixing weaknesses. But sometimes taking the time to address and fix or remove certain flaws—be it our limiting beliefs or poor habits—will remove the brakes that are impeding our growth and progress.

Fortune Friday: "You have an unusual magnetic personality. Just be aware of your polarity."

Recently, I read an article about attracting and creating powerful relationships. The author explained that too often people aim to attract a partner who is a 7 or 8 on a scale of 1 to 10, but end up settling for a 5 or 6. They don't even try for a 9 or a 10, believing it unrealistic or arrogant or overly choosy.

The irony is that they simultaneously hide or downplay their own unique qualities in an effort to fit in and to be so-called normal. They mask their true selves and their innermost desires, dumbing themselves down to a 5 or a 6.

The net result is two mediocre individuals settling into a mediocre relationship. Is it any wonder then why half of marriages end in divorce?

The solution, according to the author, is to polarize your audience by polarizing yourself. Generate 1s and 10s as much as possible.

In other words, let your freak flag fly. Don't aim for the middle, but openly express and share your unique weirdness. And in so doing you make yourself someone's perfect 10. And we're not talking about mere physical attractiveness (although that could play a part), because everyone's ideal 10 is different.

For example, if you are a Paleo-eating logistics analyst who enjoys watching reruns of Serenity while knitting Alpaca sweaters, then promote that openly to the world. Be transparent. Share it wide and far.

Don't be like the generic masses who say, "I like to travel and go movies and hang out with my friends," unless that is your dearest truth. Instead, be specific and bold—life is too short for average and normal. You deserve better. And so does your partner.

Because somewhere out there you—yes, YOU—are someone's 10. Your job is to become so one-of-a-kind that you only draw those potential partners to you. You owe it to yourself and them.

Word of warning: this strategy will bring out the haters and the trolls. People might think you weird or obnoxious or disgusting. Or whatever. Who cares? These are your 1s. If you are generating 1s and 10s, you know you're onto something.

And the haters? Forget them. Their opinions are meaningless where your happiness is concerned.

I say, don't just be aware of your polarity, accentuate it. Expand it. Intensify it.

Life is too short to settle for mediocre.

To your good fortune!

Terrified Every Day

This is my new favorite quote. Powerful words from a powerful woman, artist and innovator. She said, "I've been terrified every day of my life but that's never stopped me from doing everything I wanted to do."

So often—perhaps too often—we interpret fear as a signal to stop. But that is just the lizard brain trying to protect us and keep us safe. There is a big difference between the worry and anxiety which we label as fear and real, life-threatening danger.

For the most part, pursuing our dreams is rarely going to get us physically killed. We might bruise our ego or take a few blows to our self esteem, but that doesn't necessarily mean we should stop.

"Feel the fear and do it anyway," is pretty good advice.

Fortune Friday: "You will make a change for the better."

Most of the time we are resistant to change. Change is unknown, unsettling, and often unnerving. So of course we want to avoid it. I mean, who in their right mind would volunteer to sign up for upheaval?

But all change is for the better. If we choose to see it that way. Even completely unwanted, unsolicited, or unwarranted changes can be beneficial when viewed through the lens of opportunity. And here's why.

Change requires adaptation. Adaptation implies evolution. Evolving implies growth and moving towards a more ideal state.

So even though the changes we are experiencing now may be incredibly sucky (or good), what matters most is who we are becoming as a result.

Change is good. Don't fight it, embrace it.

To your good fortune!

Note: I worked six un- words into this article. Too bad unheaval isn't a word, or I would have gone for seven.

How To Be Content Like Lola

Lola and her best little buddy Junebug. Photo by Amy Gretchen.

Lola is my brother-in-law's seventy-five pound Old English Bulldog. She is meaty and thick and built like a Mack truck and she has a heart of pure gold. She is a masterful example of living a contented life.

Sure, she is a dog and is not encumbered by the trappings and responsibilities of human life. But that said, we could definitely benefit from mimicking how Lola lives.

Lola—and most dogs for that matter—are simple creatures with simple needs. Her basic wants are a full belly, a soft place to sleep, and a warm body to sit next to. That's it. And maybe the occasional bird to chase.

So what can we learn from Lola?

Like most dogs, Lola typically eat the same thing day after day. Simple food and water to drink. The occasional treat or table scrap is icing on the cake.

Lola loves to curl up in her dog bed or on the couch. And if neither is available, she is content with the floor. As long as it is dry and warm, she'll make it work.

But my favorite thing about Lola is she just wants to be near you. She is perfectly content with proximity. Sure, some ear scratching is a plus—I mean really, who doesn't love that—but just being close is sufficient for her.

We humans could learn a lot from Lola, to appreciate more the simple things in life.

Beyond a basic dry, warm place to sleep, we don't need a ton of housing. A beautiful home is wonderful, but what we have is probably more than enough.

Beyond simple, sustainable sustenance, we don't need an endless stream of culinary pleasures. Great food is wonderful, but what we have is probably more than enough.

Beyond loyal companionship, we don't need a posse of followers and fans. More relationships can be wonderful, but what we have is probably more than enough.

This world, particularly western civilization, encourages the constant acquisition of more. More this, more that. More everything.

However, more is not always better.

I am not discounting the pursuit of lofty goals or big dreams. Striving to be better is what makes humans human.

But sometimes the happiest path can be found in living like a dog.