Are You Better Than Last Year?

Setting New Year's resolutions is a popular past time, particularly here in the United States. And it makes sense. The idea of a fresh start, a new beginning is very seductive. It brings the promise of hope and of possibilities. Thoughtfully executed, resolutions can be a powerful force for change.

But if you're anything like me, your resolutions have crashed and burned before Groundhog Day, or even sooner. That is why this year I am going to do something different. And it starts with reflection, and single question.

Am I a better person now than I was a year ago?

That's it. No more, no less. If I can answer that question truthfully and then keep that answer in the forefront of my mind, I believe the rest will sort of just work itself out. Let me explain.

For example, am I a better husband now than I was a year ago? If the answer is 'No' then I can decide what can I do differently throughout the year that will enable me to answer 'Yes' next year. I can keep that thought in the forefront of my mind. And I guarantee it will change what I say and do. Maybe I will listen when I think I should be talking. Maybe I will look for opportunities to serve my wife. Maybe I will think more about her and less about myself. The possibilities are endless.

Here are some more questions I'll ask myself:

Am I a better father now than I was a year ago?
Am I a better brother now than I was a year ago?
Am I a better friend now than I was a year ago?
Am I a better employee now than I was a year ago?
Am I a better neighbor now than I was a year ago?
Am I a better artist now than I was a year ago?

Even writing out this list I had several ideas come into my mind. I want to slow down, listen more, expect less, expect more, work smarter, develop new skills, serve more, pray more, watch less TV, eat more vegetables, drink less soda, write more letters, reduce my clutter, give more compliments, smile more often.

None of these things are that difficult. In fact, most are fairly easy. It's not about working harder or enlarging my To-Do list, it is about presence and mindfulness. It's about dozens of miniscule acts adding up to big changes. So that next year when I ask myself if I am a better person now than I was a year ago, I will be able to answer with a resounding yes.

Fortune Friday: "Investigate new possibilities with friends. Now is the time!"

Today's fortune could not be more timely, given that last night I re-watched an episode of the amazing series Sherlock on BBC, starring Benedict Cumberbatch as Holmes, and Martin Freeman as Watson.

Holmes is without question the undisputed master investigator of all time. Even the word investigate, "carry out a systematic or formal inquiry to discover and examine the facts...so as to establish the truth" evokes myriad possibilities.

Investigate. Probe. Explore. Scrutinize. Analyze. Examine. Research. Dig.

So as to establish the truth. What are the facts of your current friendships? Truthfully, are they growing and deepening or are they stagnating in shallow wallows? Do you repeatedly find yourselves doing the same old activities, going to the same places, repeating the same stale stories?

Look around you, look at your current friends. How close are they really? Are you experiencing deep connections with the people around you, or are the majority of your friendships largely superficial and scattered—or perhaps not even real, but a collective of virtual followers and eager 'Likers'?

The new year is almost upon us. I love the coming of a new year because it brings with it, for me at least, the hope of new possibilities and new horizons. This year I want to take my relationships to a higher, deeper level. I want to investigate new possibilities, to explore new avenues. Unfortunately, this could necessitate letting go of or distancing myself from decent or okay friends in favor of inviting, building and creating great friends. But I feel inside it is the right direction. It will be worth it.

To your good fortune!

Happy Holidays!

I just want to say a great big 'thank you' to everyone kind enough to read my blog and still come back! It has been fun writing this blog and I have grown a lot personally and spiritually throughout this year.

I have had the chance to meet some amazing new people who have changed my life in profound ways. You know who you are, and I am grateful for knowing you. Our conversations together will stay with me forever.

I am also grateful for the wonderful people, friends, neighbors, and relatives in my life. You make me a better person and a better man. Your examples and influence improve my world and make me want to strive for better.

And finally, and most important, I wish to thank my family for their support and their love. With you at my side I can do anything.

NOTE: Today's image brought to you by one of my favorite fonts ever, Trade Gothic, and Pantone Color of the Year 2013: Emerald 17-5641. Yes, I am that design nerdy.

Fortune Friday: "Don't be pushed by your problems. Be led by your dreams."

In many ways people are dumb animals. We may think we are deep and layered and complicated, but most of the time we are fairly simple. Most of our choices, according to Tony Robbins, are motivated by increasing pleasure or avoiding pain. Me, caveman. Want more good. Want less bad.

We can dress up any scenario as much as we like. We can add complicated context, interesting characters and settings, etc. But in the end, our decisions and actions will be based basically on more pleasure or less pain.

Been putting off a crucial conversation with your spouse? You're trying to avoid pain.

Buying that special someone a thoughtful gift? You're hoping for a pleasurable reward.

Showing up on time to work every day? You're hoping to keep your job and you enjoy getting paychecks.

There really are no absolute have-to's in this life. We may think there are, but there aren't. Everything is a choice. You say, "But what about my kids? I have to support them!"

No you don't. You don't have to. Not if you don't want to.

You could choose to abandon them and get the Scumbag Parent of the Year Award. And they could hate and resent you forever. And your neighbors and family might shun you. And word will get around that you are a dead beat jerk.

But you don't want to be hated and shunned and resented.

You love your children. They mean the world to you. You support them because their little smiling faces make you happy. And that pleasure is why you choose to support them.

But make no mistake, everything is a choice. Everything. Good, bad, or indifferent.

So what does any of this have to do with today's fortune? Simply, most people spend their lives, particularly their professional lives, trying to escape from what they hate instead of going after what they love. That's why we have vacations. To vacate. To escape. To get away long enough (hopefully) to get a reprieve from the doldrums and the misery and the soul-sucking void of cubicle life.

We're trying to avoid pain. We're being pushed by our problems.

Better to be led by our dreams. To purposefully increase our pleasure. To pick a goal or a project worthy of our best efforts and really go after it with gusto.

To your good fortune! 

Every Mirror Has Two Faces

When we look in a mirror we do not see reality—we see a reflection of what is real. The image on the glass is not the genuine article. These are the two faces: our own real face and the reflection of our face. Most of us generally accept this.

But there are a second set of faces, perhaps less obvious. And both are reflections. The first face is what we want to see. The second is what we dread seeing.

You know what I'm talking about, right? Some days I look in the mirror in my bathroom—usually while shaving or brushing my teeth—and I really like what I see. I smile at myself. And some days I look in that same mirror and all I can see are the things I hate about myself, both the external and, strangely, the internal as well.

These mirrors also show up metaphorically in our lives, usually disguised as our pet peeves and annoyances. And each has two faces, or polar extremes, too. What we want to see more of and what we want to see less of.

And these mirrors always have a message for us.

For example, one of my pet peeves is selfishness or selfish behavior in others. I get very irritated when innocent people get hurt, trampled, abused, or taken advantage of by people who seemingly are only concerned with themselves and what is going on in their own world. Yes, I understand that for the most part this describes most of us to some degree. I'm talking about those who knowingly act selfishly. Or worse still, those who are so clueless or living their life with tunnel-vision blinders on that they don't even know they are hurting others.

But this post is about mirrors, not selfish people.

So what is the message that my mirror is trying to tell me about selfishness? Remember, there are two faces. The first face might be validating me for being a person who tries to be aware and conscious of others and their feelings. That's good. That's what I want to see more of.

But there is a second message, the opposite extreme. Perhaps why I am bothered by selfishness is that deep down I wish I was more self-concerned, self-interested, self-motivated, self-caring, self-loving. More self-ish.

Learning to see and recognize the mirrors that show up in my life has been a great blessing. I learned this exercise from my coach. I have been consciously practicing it and am getting better at seeing it.

Give it a try. Look around you. Look at what you like and dislike. And then look for the two faces staring back at you.

You just might like what you see.

Fortune Friday: "You will bring sunshine into someone's life."

This week's fortune could not be more appropriate given the time of year. Let's be honest, the holidays can be a very stressful time for many people. There are pressures, sometimes imagined and sometimes self-inflicted, and lots to do. Homes to decorate, cards to send, events to attend, gifts to wrap. It can get a little overwhelming if we let it.

But amidst all the holiday busyness, we can slow down a little and focus our attention on those around us who could use our help and encouragement. Take a look around at the people in your life. Can you think of anyone who might benefit from a kind word, or a smile, or a hug? If you're like me, I bet you can think of lots of people.

So maybe takes some time this week—doesn't need to be long—and send a short note, either hand-written or emailed or a text. Let those people know you're thinking of them. Let them know they are important to you. Let them know you care, that you are there if they just need to talk.

We don't have to make huge, grand, or expensive gestures. Simple is often better.

Bringing sunshine into someone's life is a lot easier than we think.

To your good fortune!

Feeling Pissy Lately

Yes, you read the title correctly. For some reason, I've been feeling really pissy the last few days. Not overtly angry, just a low-grade, pervading irritation. I've been edgy. I've been getting bugged by people at the grocery store. I've been snippy with my kids and my wife. Your basic prickly pear.

It's not that I am feeling overly pessimistic or depressed or anything. It's been more of a mild "bleh" with life's ups and downs—a little black rain cloud in my head. My gut tells me it is probably a combination of recent bitter cold weather, impending holiday to-dos, over-scheduling, a career opportunity in limbo, and a current (but temporary) low checking account balance.

I decided to share this for two reasons. First, I want to make it abundantly clear that despite how it might appear from reading my blog, I do not have it all together. I do not have all the answers. I am by no means an expert, or a guru, or whatever. I'm just a man. I struggle with my own demons every day like everyone else.

Second, I can see the situation for what it is: I have been thinking crappy thoughts. Perhaps too many (which is another thought in itself). And crappy thoughts create crappy feelings. Because that is how the human system works. As Michael Neill often says, "We live in the feeling of our thinking."

We usually think it operates the other way around. We think outside influences cause us to feel bad or good. But in reality it is our thinking about those events that cause us to feel bad or good.

And the best part of it all is that, knowing the inside-out nature of our understanding, I know that it is only a matter of time before new thoughts will arrive and bring with them new feelings. I don't have to do anything or force myself to be positive or chant happy mantras or anything.

I can just be how I am for now. And wait.

Honestly, I feel a little less pissy even having just written this.

Fortune Friday: "Now is the time to call loved ones at a distance. Share your news."

When dying people were asked what their great regrets in life were, their answers generally fell into five main areas:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

Not surprising, the last one on the list was the most common. But we'll leave that one for another day or for a fortune that is more accommodating. For today's fortune, I am focusing on items 3 and 4 from the list.

Express your feelings and stay in touch.

Is something amazing or difficult or exciting or new or heart breaking going on in your life? Then share it. If the news is positive, share it. We want to know. The world is rife with negativity and woe. What we need are more stories of personal triumph.

If your news is less than positive, share it too. We want to know. But share it in a way that bonds us together, not in the tiresome, we've-heard-this-a-million-times-before, woe is me way. Instead, open up and bare your soul. Take a risk and peel away the false husk of perfectionism. Just be you—warts and all. Connect with us. What we need are more stories of personal triumph.

What we humans need more than anything is know we are not alone. We need to know that we are not forgotten. I bet right now someone you know has come into your mind. Maybe it is a good friend you haven't talked to in a while. Maybe it is a relative or sibling you don't get along with. Maybe it's a former coworker you have been thinking of partnering with on a new project.

Reach out. Get together if you can. Let them know you've been thinking about them and how important they are to you. Share your news. You won't regret it.

To your good fortune!

Intention vs. Action

I hear a lot of people, particularly in the self-help world, talk about intention. "It is my intention to create XYZ." Or, "I am setting my intention on the things I want." And attached to intention are its siblings attraction and manifest.

"I intend to attract a new relationship into my life."
"My intention is to manifest abundance."
"I want to align my intentions to..."

Or worse,

"My intention is to manifest attraction."

Now please don't misunderstand. I see innate value in all three of these mindsets. Setting an intention is important. It is the first baby step towards committed change. And manifesting and being receptive to attraction are important steps in expediting what we wish to create in our lives.

But the crucial key to unlocking the life of our dreams is action. Pure and simple.

The apostle James stated, "faith without works is dead." Intention without action is also dead. This quote, one of my favorites, from Werner Erhard sums up my thoughts perfectly:

"It is important that you get clear for yourself that your only access to impacting life is action. The world does not care what you intend, how committed you are, how you feel or what you think, and certainly it has interest in what you want and don't want. Take a look at life as it is lived and see for yourself that the world only moves for you when you act."

The world only moves for you when you act. When you move, the universe moves.

So get moving!

Fortune Friday: "You should be able to undertake and complete anything you desire."

Desire. That is the first word that jumped out at me after reading today's fortune. And for good reason. Desire is probably the single most determining factor in any venture. Brené Brown might label this grit. Rocky Balboa might have termed it guts. Steve Jobs or Picasso might have called it drive or inspiration.

But at the heart of grit, guts, drive, or inspiration is desire. A deep, lingering inner wanting. A hunger, a passion. That word, passion, gets thrown around a lot these days. Perhaps too much. And the more pedestrian a word becomes, the more power it loses. But let's really consider these words, really soak up their implications.

Desire. Passion.

I don't know about you, but the those are very stirring words. At least for me. In my movie-mind, it conjures up images of some swarthy, lusty-eyed pirate ripping off the bodice of his true love in his captain's chambers, having just rescued her from the evil clutches of his arch nemesis.

Can you picture the scene I just painted? Can you feel an aliveness in your body? Has it altered your physical state?

Is it me or is it getting a little bit steamy in here?

I don't know about you, but this is what desire and passion sound like to me. Not, "I want to quit my crappy day job and follow my passion." That doesn't sound much like desire to me. Real passion would have boxed up your cubicle and walked you out the door already.

If we operated from that kind of true, genuine desire there is nothing we couldn't undertake and complete.

To your good fortune!

Taking a Sick Day

I'm taking a sick day. I'm kind of bummed because honestly I really like writing these posts. But I'm just not feeling up to it. My back and ribs ache from throwing up all night. My brain feels like mush. And I'm profoundly tired all over.

So I'm calling in sick today. Thank you for understanding.

Fortune Friday: "A pleasant surprise is in store for you soon."

Not everyone likes surprises. Me included. It's not that I dislike the actual surprise, but more the surprising. At its roots I think this aversion to surprises is the subconscious need for control. If you're anything like me, you like knowing what's on the horizon.

As humans we sometimes feel small and powerless. Its a great big world out there fraught with danger and the unknown. And the un-knowing can be scary. Because it is, well, unknown. So in response, we try to cover as many of our bases as possible, to manage and control as many aspects of our day-to-day existence as possible.

And this constant life risk management can get really, really tiring.

I'm practically exhausted just thinking about it.

Albert Einstein said, "The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or a hostile universe."

The. Most. Important. Decision.

My guess is most people slant, particularly these days with the economy and world events as they are, towards a more pessimistic outlook. They see the universe as hostile. This shadowy place that is out to get them, to bring them down.

But what if it is possible to turn that belief around? What if we make a conscious effort to look for the good as often as we remember. Slowly we would adopt a more pleasant outlook. And as the universe began to look more and more friendly, we would fear surprises less and less. Instead, we would start to look forward to them. And the compulsion to control our worlds all the time would start to fade away.

And that is a pleasant thing.

To your good fortune!

The Path of Least Resistance

One of my favorite quotes, attributed to Henry David Thoreau, states:

"The path of least resistance leads to crooked rivers and crooked men."

I love this imagery of this quote. In my mind's eye I can see a small stream of water trickling downhill, slowly growing in volume and gaining momentum. As it grows, I see it dashing against small rock and stones, being diverted left and right, always going around not through. Fallen logs and debris and tree roots and boulders coax the running water into diverse paths resulting in a crooked serpentine shape.

But had the water been more focused and channeled directly at each obstacle, it would have, given enough time and pressure, eventually uprooted and unseated most of the obstacles in its path. And given enough volume, the largest of boulders, or even mountains themselves, eventually give way.

So it is with us. Too often in pursuit of our goals we run up against obstacles. Our dreams collide with opposition. Sometimes real, sometimes imagined. Sometimes the obstacle is another person, or a group of people, or an institution, or a corporation. Sometimes the obstacle is a cultural norm or outdated dogma.

But I would venture most of the time it comes from inside. Bad habits. Lazy attitudes. Small thinking. Our new dreams crash up against our habitual selves. And instead of channeling and focusing and digging deep, we give up. We go around. Or worse, quit altogether.

What if instead of seeking ease and comfort, we looked for opportunities to test ourselves? What if we welcomed challenges and obstacles? What if, like some crazed infantryman's badge of honor, we actually reveled in metaphorically sleeping in the freezing mud and eating cold chow.

Could anything stop us then?

Fortune Friday: "You will spend many years in comfort and material wealth."

Many years in comfort and material wealth? Um...yes please! Actually, I am really happy to be able to write about this—specifically about our culture's preoccupation with comfort and ease. Which comfort we typically tie directly to financial prosperity. As a whole, we try to avoid discomfort of any kind at all costs. We would rather remain in bad jobs and in bad relationships—living unfulfilled lives—than be uncomfortable for any length of time.

Now don't get me wrong. I love my comfort and wealth as much as the next person. The simple fact is that our world functions around money. It is our medium of exchange. And money can be a means of facilitating tremendous learning, growth, and personal experiences.

However, I think we need a lot less of it than we think. People, particularly us Americans, have managed to turn a lot of wants and niceties into needs. Multiple vehicles, endless electronics and gadgets, rock star level vacations. But I believe we could get by just as well with a lot less.

Understand, this is not an argument in favor of mediocrity or laziness. I believe it becomes every person to make the absolute most of themselves spiritually, mentally, and physically. But that does not always equate to financial success. Sometimes it does, but not always. Financial success can create a positive ripple effect that benefits many. It can also ruin people.

Speaking for myself, I am drawn to stories about the Spartans, and the Shaolin Warrior Monks, and the frontiersman of the American West. For me there is something romantic and honorable about a man, traveling light and unencumbered, who is able to do so much with so little. It is self reliance at its core.

And that is precisely what I believe every person truly wants. Not mere comfort and ease, but the knowing—at a deep inner level—that we have what it takes. That we can take care of business when the crap comes down.

We don't necessarily crave money itself. We crave the safety and protection we believe money will provide us with.

If you had to choose one, would you rather be rich or would you rather be competent?

To your good fortune!

Why You Should Get a Coach

Every great performer, whether they be an athlete, musician, or actor, usually has a coach of some kind. Ballplayers have batting and pitching coaches. Pop singers have vocal, dance, and instrumental coaches. Actors have voice, movement, and diction coaches. All three typically have personal trainers, nutritionists, and more.

Why? Because they want to improve. They want to get better. They want to be the best possible version of their professional self as they can. A good coach brings out the best in their client. They can point out the blind spots and illuminate the weak areas that need improvement. The best coaches literally help us see in a whole new perspective, to think new thoughts and see new possibilities. If the elite performers of this world, like Tiger Woods, see the value in having a coach, what does that say about the power of coaching?

It is ironic that we have all kinds of coaches and consultants in this world—sports, art, music, career, business, finance—and yet life coaching has only become a fairly recent phenomenon. I find it sad that there are all kinds of instruction and manuals and books on how to improve various skills, but few people are taught from a young age how to really live, how to be a "successful" human being. And I don't mean financially—which is how most people measure success.

Please notice that I did not title this "Why You Need a Coach," because honestly nobody needs a coach. You choose to work with a coach because you want to improve some your life in some way.

This past weekend I traveled to Los Angeles, California to spend 3 days working one-on-one, in person with my coach. I used some hard-earned vacation days. I spent my own money and worked out a few barter deals to generate the funds necessary to make this trip happen. Why? Because I am investing in my future. I want to take my personal and professional life to a higher level. I am committed to becoming the best possible version of myself as I possibly can.

And a good coach can help make that happen.

Fortune Friday: "You will soon receive an unusual gift."

Gifts come in all shapes and sizes. Big ones, small ones, expensive ones, cheap ones. Some gifts come from a store, some are handmade. And some gifts do not fit into any of these categories. These gifts include quality time with someone special, words of encouragement when we most need it, or even a simple hug. Just one human being connecting to another.

And sometimes, gifts even present themselves as trials, struggles, or unfortunate events.

The real challenge is learning to recognize when we are being given a gift. Because what is the primary purpose of a gift? Ultimately it is to spread joy and increase happiness. So in that regard, even something unwanted like a job layoff or the loss of a loved one can, if applied properly, can become a source of joy and happiness.

When my mother was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor, the doctors told her that her particular form of cancer had a 100% mortality rate. In other words, it was not a matter of 'if' she would die, but when.

From the outside looking in, this was terrible news.

But there was a silver lining.

My mother lived for another 18 months. Time-wise, she was in the top 5% of people diagnosed with her kind of brain disease. My mom and dad took a lot of road trips. They visited all of her longtime friends from all the states they had lived in over the years. They took a couple private vacations. In short, she was able to say goodbye in person to everyone of her relatives and everyone she held dear. And when she finally passed away, it was at home surrounded by all of her family.

Not everyone who leaves this world has such opportunities. Even though her passing was sad, the last months of her life were a tremendous, happy gift.

To your good fortune! 

Remember to Breathe

When life gets hectic and we are feeling the pressure to perform, to execute, to produce, we forget to breathe. Not literally—our brain continues to signal our lungs to expand and contract. But we forget to breathe deep. Our movements become shallow and erratic.

It sounds counter intuitive, but when we are feeling like we need to speed up and move faster to accomplish everything we believe needs doing, that is exactly when we need to slow down the most. We need to stop and step away—if only for a brief moment.

To pause.

To remember to breathe.

Fortune Friday: "Your lucky number for the week is seven."

There are seven days in the week. And each day presents me with the opportunity to create my own luck. Author and blogger James Altucher states, "luck is similar to being in the right place at the right time."

If that is true, then each week I have seven chances to put myself in the right places, at the right times, with the right people, for the right reasons. I can create my own luck so to speak. Or, I can choose to squander my time. I can choose to waste the hours with people who bring me down and drain my energy. But I don't think much luck will come of those options.

Each day we get to choose how we show up in the world. We get to pick who we allow into our hearts and minds. We get to decide how to spend our hours. Yes, I know most of us have little choice how to spend our workday time, but we do get to choose the attitude we bring to our work.

I am excited to see how my lucky number plays out this week. You?

To your good fortune!

Always Bet On Yourself

One of the hardest things we will ever come to grips with is our own innate greatness. What we see when we look in the mirror often seems so average, so normal—because for us, it is. It is hard for us to see something special. I'll use myself as an example. When people compliment me on my artistic abilities it is sometimes hard to bear. Because to me it is not all that special, it is just what I do. It's a part of me. Like my ears or my toes or like breathing.

But here's the thing. It is special. What I can do with a pencil or pen or a computer mouse is pretty freaking great. And that is not out of arrogance. That is out of confidence. I've invested probably over 20,000 hours in my lifetime getting really good at art and design. I've given it my heart and my time, and more than a few times even my sweat and tears.

But I have other interests as well that I now want to explore. Areas where I am not so practiced, where I'm not so confident. I'm even a little afraid of them. But I not going to let fear stop me. These things are important to me. I feel strongly about them. And I am not getting any younger either. I can't afford to wait around for other people to give me permission or tell me I am good enough. I can't sit around and hope for the best, that it will all just "turn out."

Today, I am choosing to bet on myself. To roll the dice and see what happens.

It's going to be a wild ride, but I can't wait to see where it leads.

What are you going to do?

Fortune Friday: "Be adventuresome and try a new look."

We tend to be creatures of habit. We eat at the same five restaurants, wear the same five shirts, hang out with the same five people. Some will say "Yeah, I know what I like." But more often it is we like what we know. Visiting new places, trying new experiences, and meeting new people can be uncomfortable. It's outside our norm.

But habits, if we're not careful, can form ruts. Like grooves carved into record vinyl. If we don't break out once in a while we'll just go round and round and round.

I love today's fortune. Sure, trying a new look could mean buying a plaid shirt instead of your usual solid. Or shaving your head. Or getting that shade of lipstick you don't think you have the guts to pull off. Or anything outside your habitual methods.

But what if it means to look in a new way? To try and see the world through a new lens, a new perspective?

Thought leader Dr. Wayne Dyer is fond of saying, "When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."

How could your world change if you were adventuresome and tried a new look?

To your good fortune!

What If The Opposite Was True?

We live in a orderly and balanced world governed by opposites. Light and dark. Hot and cold. Birth and death. Positive and negative. Everything has its opposite and harmony is maintained.

Well, what if our thoughts, wishes, and desires were the same way?

What if every thought, positive or negative, came attached with an opposite viewpoint, another option? They say that every perceived failure contains the seeds of a future triumph. Likewise, every triumph also contains the seeds of a future downfall. We've seen this play out time again with egotistical athletes, Hollywood superstars, Fortune 500 CEOs, and more.

Think of something, a dream or a big goal, that scares you. Your thoughts might say 'don't go there.' But maybe you should carefully examine its opposite thought. What if what you are scared to try is EXACTLY the very thing you need to do to grow and move your life forward?

Flamboyant and outspoken graphic designer and educator James Victore made this powerful observation:

"At it's best, your life's work should be about DOING something, not worrying about your comfort. If your prime motivation is self preservation, then you are not asking enough out of life or really living true to yourself. You are capable of so much more. DOING takes a leap of faith—believing in yourself and that the work you want to make is important enough to risk... well, everything. Do it. Do it. Do it."

The next time you have a thought that scares or intrigues you, stop and ask: What if the opposite was true?

Fortune Friday: "You will be successful through innovation and determination."

There are basically three areas of knowledge that we have access to.

The first is what we know. This consists of all the information and knowledge we have acquired and stored away in our brains to this present time.

The second is what we don’t know. This consists of all the information and knowledge in the world that exists but that we, personally, as yet have not had access to. This includes libraries, oral traditions, encyclopedias, and most of the Internet.

And the third is everything we don’t know that we don’t know. This consists of those things that nobody knows because they don’t exist yet. For example, no one, not even Picasso, knew Guernica existed until it did. Up until the moments Pablo’s brush moved across the giant canvas, it did not exist. At least not in our world it didn’t. It existed in the ether, waiting to be pulled into this mortal plane.

Our best chance for success comes from this third area. This is where genuine innovation comes from.

If we operate from the first area, we will probably default to whatever comfortable habits and behaviors we are used to. Most likely nothing new or innovative will occur.

If we operate from the second area, we will simply be mimicking what we believe to have worked before by someone else. Sometimes there is merit to copying the successful habits and actions of others. But by its very nature is still limited.

But when we operate from the third area, the true unknown, we tap into an unlimited source of inspiration. We can dream things no one has dreamed before. We can create things no one has created before. Not once, not ever. In this realm lies our best chance for unique greatness.

Which area do you operate from?

To your good fortune!

How Would Others Describe You?

This past weekend me, Jill, and the kids helped move my brother-in-law's family into a rental house, while they are renovating their new home. Between family, neighbors, and friends, more than 20 people showed up to help out.

Immediately it was obvious who was there to help move, who was there to socialize, and who was there just taking up space (and getting in the way). As the day progressed and time passed, one by one the volunteers departed, returning to their Saturday lives.

Of course, being family, we we there for the duration. There were also two neighbors who remained the entire time. They were still moving at full steam, moving boxes, reassembling beds, you name it. After 6 hours of help, they too returned to their homes.

After it was all done and the dust settled, we were sitting around talking about the days events and the generosity of the volunteers, particularly these last two neighbors. We were all a little awestruck by their vigor and willingness to help. Then my brother-in-law said something that really made an impact on me.

He said, referring to one of the two neighbors, "Brett is the single most reliable person I know."

What an amazing compliment. What a great way to be described. To be known as a person that can be counted on to honor his word always. Wow.

It made me stop, perhaps a little uncomfortably, and wonder how others would describe me.

How would others describe you in one sentence?

Fortune Friday: "You will have many friends when you need them."

I have never been the kind to have many friends. I would much rather have quality friends over quantity friends. The few close friends I do have are amazing. They are smart, talented, generous, supportive, and make me laugh regularly.

Above all though, true friends are there for you when you need them. They show up. That alone, for me, is the best litmus test for friendship that I can think of: Are they there for me when I need them?

Because if they aren't then they are not a real friend in my book. They are just an acquaintance. So I think I will re-frame this fortune to say:

"When you need them, your real friends will appear."

To your good fortune!

Send a Thank You

I often reflect on all the people in my life who have helped me or taught me something or made my life better in some way. I wonder where they are now. I wonder what they're doing. I wonder if they will ever know what kind of impact they have made in my life.

Of course they won't unless I tell them.

When I was in 5th grade I had to give an oral report on the Battle of Gettysburg. In front of everyone.

I was terrified. I had been afraid of public speaking for as long as I could remember. I didn't think I could do it.

But Ms. Herring thought I could.

On the day of the report she stood by my side with her arm around my shoulder. I cried and sniffled throughout the whole report. My body shook and my voice cracked, tears running down my face as I recounted Pickett's Charge. When it was over, she hugged me and told me how proud she was. I felt like a million bucks. It is still one of my happiest childhood memories.

But I wasn't cured—not all the way. The fear of public speaking still gripped me to one degree or another all through elementary, middle, and high school. It was toward the end of my first semester as a college freshman when I talked about tackling the beast head on. I wasn't sure if I could do it.

But my friend Leslie thought I could.

Seems she was also similarly afflicted with a fear of public speaking. So we made a pact—kind of a I-will-if-you-will agreement. Together we signed up for Public Speaking as an Arts and Letters elective. We both struggled a lot through that course. But in the end, after much practice and many graded speeches, our confidence grew.

Flash forward 20-plus years. Those of you who know me personally now might be shocked to know that public speaking was ever an issue for me. Many people have commented to me how at ease I seem in front of a group and how easy it seems for me to teach a lesson, deliver a presentation, or facilitate a discussion.

I owe two people a deep heartfelt 'Thank You' for this gift.

So, Ms Herring and Leslie, wherever you are, thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Fortune Friday: Empty

At the conclusion of my Chinese food lunch today, I reached for my fortune cookie, eager to read this week's fortune. I ripped open the wrapper, broke open the cookie, and saw...

Nothing.

No paper, no fortune. The cookie was empty.

And I just smiled.

Sometimes it is nice to be reminded that our world is a blank canvas and we are free to create it any way we choose, to write our own fortune.

To your good fortune!

P.S. - Yes, that is a picture of the actual cookie taken with my camera phone. And no, I did not eat the cookie off the table afterwards. Yuck.

The Master Key to Success

This past weekend I traveled to sunny Los Angeles to attend The Prosperous Coach workshop intensive put on by Rich Litvin and Steve Chandler. It was an amazing 3-day workshop among some of the world's best personal and professional coaches. There was so much love, generosity, insight, and energy. People shared amazingly intimate and personal stories about their struggles and successes in life, as well as the coaching profession. I was particularly blessed to have had several intimate conversations with some powerful, sincere, committed individuals. It was a life-altering event.

Often, even a single fresh insight is worth the entire price of admission. By far, my single, biggest takeaway was what I am now (personally) referring to as "The Master Key to Success." And it is beautiful in its simplicity. The key is this:

Living from a committed place. Or more specifically, how you are Be-ing in the world as a byproduct of living from a committed place.

Is this easy to do? Maybe not at first. But with dedication and practice it can be learned. And it starts with making and keeping your word, with complete integrity, to yourself. When you can be 100% true and faithful to your commitments, you build power and self-trust. When you can be trusted with power, inspiration comes knocking. When you are filled with inspiration, you can create your world.

I am convinced that true success in coaching, business, relationships, what have you comes more from who we are and how we show up in the world, than mere mastery of skills, techniques, and attitudes. Don't get me wrong, practical mastery definitely plays an important role, but it is a supporting role. Be-ing is the lead actor.

If I am coming from a truly committed place, I can simply Be in any scenario and the correct words, thoughts, deeds, and inspiration will come to me as needed. I won't have to pre-plan every interaction. I can simply trust in my Be-ing. I can make decisions on the fly. Because the real Me will always act and react in perfect alignment with my true nature and values.

When I learn to live from a committed place, the rest is just details.

Fortune Friday: "Now is a good time for a new collection or hobby."

If you are like me, you often let your life slip into ruts. More specifically, we allow certain aspects of our lives to become rote and unconsciously habitual. We fall into patterns, sometimes unhealthy ones. It's easy right? Day in, day out, one step leading to another. Before you know it another year has slipped by and many of your best laid plans have fallen by the wayside.

Why do we do this? Because it is easy. It's comfortable. It's what we know. Shaking things up can be unsettling. Experiencing new things can be a threat to our ego. It's scary. We open ourselves up to possible ridicule or rejection.

But that is exactly what we need to do. There is no neutral ground in life. No safe stasis. We're either growing or we're dying, either progressing or regressing. In sports, they say the best defense is a strong offense. This applies to all aspects of life. Actively pursuing new opportunities and experiences is the lifeblood of a happy, fulfilling life. We are creative beings at our core. We thrive in an environment of growth, exploration, and new learning.

If your life is feeling stale, it might be time for a transfusion. Time to mix things up. Start a new hobby. Start a new collection. Start a book club. Start a walking club. Check out books from the library that you normally wouldn't check out. It doesn't have to cost money.

So if you find your life in a rut, ask yourself "What new experiences have I been trying?"

To your good fortune!

Invest In Yourself

There are lots of ways we invest in things. We invest our money in stocks, in real estate, and in goods. We invest our emotional capital in other people and in relationships. We invest our time in our community, in our schools, in our education, and in our social activities.

But we often fail to invest in ourselves. We think it is selfish to spend time on ourselves. We live for others; spending our time and resources running around fulfilling their needs, trying to please them. Now, don't misinterpret. I am not saying don't serve and help people. By all means do. Just don't live for them.

Live for yourself. Invest in yourself. Take care of yourself. Become the best possible version of yourself. It is from that place that you will be in the best position possible to then help others and serve the world.

Fortune Friday: "You are always welcome in a gathering."

One of my favorite movie quotes is from Kevin Smith's Clerks.

Randal: "I'm not going to miss what is probably going to be the social event of the season."
Dante: "You hate people!"
Randal: "But I love gatherings. Isn't it ironic."

A gathering is much different than a party or a seminar or an event or any of the myriad ways people come together. The word itself is active. Gather. To bring together. To me it implies that the person doing the gathering consciously selected the guests.

Are we selective about the people we invite into our lives? Do we actively gather those close to us? Are we welcoming and being welcomed?

Or do we just mingle and associate with whichever Tom, Dick or Harry that waltzes into our sphere?

Personally, I am going to rethink and rework a few of my associations and relationships.

To your good fortune!

Speak In Your Own Voice

When my son Landon was really young, he would sometimes speak in a strange little elf-like voice. He usually did this when he was in a situation where he was, as least by my interpretation, uncomfortable or embarrassed or less than confident. Almost like a mask he was hiding behind to shield him from discomfort.

And I remember one evening when we had family at our house for dinner, my son walked over to ask Adam, my brother-in-law, a question. In the voice. Adam turned to Landon and said, "Landon, I'd like you to speak to me me in your voice. I want to hear your voice." And he did.

From that day on, the elfish voice slowly drifted away. Now my son speaks in his own voice, with his own unique sense of humor, which I quite enjoy despite often being the recipient of his jokes. But alas, it is the prerogative of every teenager to make fun of their dad.

As creative individuals, one of the hardest things we will ever do is to learn to speak, and trust, in our own voice. It's scary to put your self out there. To be judged and possibly rejected or ridiculed. It is easier as an artist to mimic another well-respected artist. Easier to follow their well-worn footsteps. Easier to hide out under a false mask. It shields us from discomfort. But we will never fill the full measure of our creative potential as long as we speak in another artist's voice.

Every artist, be you a painter, a chef, a yoga instructor, a carpenter, or an app developer, owes it to the world to "speak" in your own unique voice. To paint your way. To combine spices and herbs your way. To give a sales presentation your way. To mill lumber your way.

We think people won't like what they hear. Trust me, they will.

Fortune Friday: "At 20 years of age the will reigns; At 30 the wit; At 40 the judgments."

Time and hindsight are two of life's greatest gifts. If we are fortunate to live long enough, we can benefit from our experiences to chart an even brighter, successful, and rewarding future.

In our twenties, many of our actions are driven by the body—as if it had a mind of its own. We seek pleasure and instant satisfaction. We seek to control as much of our world as we can. Only later do we discover that much of that effort was futile.

In our thirties, we transition into a more mental approach. We use our wits to our advantage. We gain skills and competencies. We learn it pays to use our smarts more than our brawn. Our younger, hedonistic pursuits give way to more "grown up" forms of happiness. However, we unwittingly believe that happiness comes to us through outside influences: big houses, fast cars, job titles, promotions, extravagant vacations, and gadgets galore.

In our forties, our wisdom starts to flourish. We've lived long enough to start seeing the world how it really is. We see how naive, and often foolish, we used to be. We realize that the power was inside us all along—that true happiness comes from inside. Our focus turns to those things which truly last: family, friends, spirituality, fulfilling relationships, and meaningful work that makes a positive difference in the world.

Although, I miss the vitality of my younger years, I would not choose to go back. I would not trade what I know now. My life experience, with both its ups and downs, is a blessing beyond measure.

To your good fortune!

Is Your Mind Great or Small?

One of my favorite quotes of all time is by Eleanor Roosevelt. She said, "Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people."

So, which of the three do you spend most of your time talking about?

Fortune Friday: "Everything will now come your way."

People often spend a lot of time dividing their mental energy between two less than useful states. They're either reminiscing about or regretting the past, or they're anticipating or dreading the future.

Somewhat pointless activities for the most part.

The past is past. Gone to the ether, never to be repeated, relived, or corrected. Just a collection of memories filed away in our heads. Don't get me wrong, I see nothing wrong with happy (or unhappy) memories. But when we habitually dwell on them, they take us out of the present moment and, in effect, rob us of the here and now.

And what of the future? Same thing, but in reverse. Now, is it a good thing to plan ahead and set goals for things? Of course it is. But when we get swept away regularly into a future that hasn't even happened yet, we rob ourselves once again. And let's be honest, projecting into the future can be potentially more detrimental than reliving the past. Because there is no guarantee of tomorrow. At least the fact that I am currently breathing and writing this post is evidence that I have survived the past. But we can't bank on the future. There are just too many variables out of our direct control.

So where does that leave us? Here. Right now. That is all we ever truly have. Now is the only place "everything" truly comes our way.

Master Oogway, the wise old tortoise from DreamWorks' Kung Fu Panda said it best:

"You are too concerned about what was and what will be. There is a saying: yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the 'present'."

To your good fortune!

Solving Puzzles With Puzzles

I had a wonderful creative breakthrough yesterday. You see, for several weeks now I have been stuck trying to find a solution to a plot line problem in one of my book projects. It has seriously been bugging me. So much so that I haven't worked on it in a while. Also, because it feels like the answer should be obvious. I know I'm sounding vague, but I don't want to give away the farm just yet.

So, I decided to temporarily shelve the book project. I purposely chose to not try and force a solution. I figured I would just let the problem lie and trust that the answer would reveal itself in its own due time.

And this is how I solved my story dilemma: I set the book project aside and started working on something else completely unrelated.

You see, I was talking with a friend and we were hashing out ideas for a graphic novel we want to partner on. No biggie. Just big-picture, pie-in-the-sky concepts, etc. From there, the discussion evolved into story arcs and themes and why the two parties involved in the story would say and do what they would.

Then, like a bolt of lightning, I had a flash of insight about my book dilemma. BAM! Clear as day. Out of the blue. Problem solved.

Once again, reinforcing an age-old concept: Creativity begets creativity.

The human mind is such an incredible thing. When we stop trying to force inspiration and just open up to whatever shows up, it is amazing to see what comes rushing in.

Fortune Friday: "A man's best possession is a sympathetic wife."

For our purposes here, since not everyone reading this is a man and not everyone is married, feel free to substitute woman, and/or partner, and/or friend.

I looked up the word sympathetic in the dictionary. While the first definition was somewhat benign, what struck me more was the list of synonyms:

Compassionate, caring, concerned, understanding, comforting, sensitive, understanding, encouraging, considerate, kind, tenderhearted, pleasant, agreeable, friendly.

With someone like that at your back, there is nothing in the world you couldn't do, be, or achieve. It'd be like your own personal cheerleading squad. Go! Fight! Win! Our world could really benefit from more spouses and partners like this. Unfortunately, too many individuals and families are on the receiving end of the opposite.

I was also intrigued by one of the secondary definitions for sympathetic: showing approval of or favor toward an idea or action.

To me, that implies a degree of trust and possibly risk tolerance. If we show favor towards action, what we are in effect saying is, "I trust you. I believe in you. I don't know how this will turn out, but I will support it anyway."

To have a person like that in your corner would be a treasure of infinite worth. And if you are fortunate enough to have someone in your life like that, let them know how much you appreciate them. Often.

To your good fortune!

Let Go of Your Story

Each one of us has a story about who we are and the role we play in our world. It is a story that we a familiar with. We have it memorized. We can recall it in an instant. And we share it with everybody.

But more important, it is the story we tell ourselves over and over and over. And soon enough it becomes our not-so-secret identity.

The problem is these stories are usually negative. We rarely focus on our positive traits. Do any of these sound familiar to you?

I'm the good child who doesn't make waves.
I'm the family black sheep.
I'm the cute one, not the smart one.
I'm lazy.
I'm the people pleaser.
I'm the stalwart employee.

The thing is, these stories are false. They're not true. They are just comfortable lies that we feed ourselves to keep our delicate ego from getting hurt. We use them to stay inside of fear, to shield ourselves from the risk of failure, rejection, and embarrassment. We tell ourselves, sometimes subconsciously, "Stick to the story. Don't deviate from what is expected of you. Everyone else needs you to be and remain as you are." And if by chance we do try something new or daring or outside our normal scope, and then fail, then we have a convenient excuse to make ourselves feel better.

If I tell myself the story that I am a procrastinator and then procrastinate, then I get to say, "See? I'm a procrastinator. That's what procrastinators do," and I'm off the hook.

Stupid is as stupid does, right?

Our story can become an endless loop that keeps us in inaction, broken dreams, and missed opportunities if we let it.

But here's the catch: We can let go of our story, any story, whenever we want. And start a new one. We can choose a new path. We can take new actions. We can rewrite our story at will, as often as we like. We can say, "The old me would put things off. I was funny that way. The new me doesn't. See, I'm writing this blog post right now instead of just thinking about it."

Joseph Campbell said, "We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us."

We can rewrite our personal story any time we want. What is your new story going to be?

Fortune Friday: "Life is a daring adventure."

Here is a disclaimer before I continue: This is not my fortune from this week's lunch. It actually belongs to a loud, twenty-something girl sitting in the booth full of women office workers next to me. I found it so funny I had to comment on it. I will write about my actual fortune next week.

Girl: "'Life is a daring adventure'. Seriously? I hate it when a fortune is not a fortune. This is dumb. This is a statement, not a fortune. I want something, like, ominous."

Her exact words. I kid you not.

"I want something, like, ominous."

I find it fascinating how often we humans are not content with the average, the day-to-day, the pleasantly understated. Instead we're on a never-ending quest for bigger, better, faster, stronger. Something else. Something more. Always more. Something linguistic analyst Lyndon Duke referred to as the "curse of exceptionality."

A simple fortune is not enough. Oh no, it needs to be ominous, mysterious, foreboding. The irony with this, and all, fortunes is they are as deep and "ominous" as we choose to interpret them. Personally I think "Life is a daring adventure" is laced with all different levels of meaning.

Because in the end, life really is all in the way we choose to see it.

To your good fortune!

Pushing Past The Point of Despair

Almost every time I sit down to do some creative project—a logo design, a hand-drawn illustration, a painting, a piece of literary fiction—I come to what I like to call The Point of Despair. When my inner critic pipes up. You know what I'm talking about. You've heard the voice as well:

"This is pointless."
"I've ruined it."
"This isn't turning out like I'd imagined."

The Point of Despair is the creative equivalent to "hitting the wall," a moment common to marathon runners, where they physically, emotionally, and mentally "run out of gas" around mile 20. Movie writers call this pivotal plot device the "All Is Lost" moment.

So what do you do when you come to The Point of Despair?

You silence the voices by keeping your feet moving. I love this quote by Vincent Van Gogh:

"If you hear a voice within you say 'you cannot paint,' then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced." –Vincent Van Gogh

It's really that simple. You push through The Point of Despair by continuous, repeated action. Even if all you can do is take tiny baby steps, then take them. One after another. One more step.

One more hatch mark.
One more chord.
One more line of code.
One more brushstroke.
One more pushup.
One more sales call.
One more letter on the keyboard.

Personally, I've found that if I just keep at it, if I put in the time and just keep noodling, eventually I summit the crest of The Point of Despair. I see sunny skies on the horizon. I look down at my artwork and I say, "You know, that actually looks pretty good!"

Before I set out on the 50-mile hike with my son's Boy Scouts troop, my artist friend Will Terry gave me some good advice (he's an avid outdoorsman by the way): "Slow and steady wins the race. Just like the tortoise and the hare. It's better to move slowly and not stop, than to try and go fast and take a lot of breaks. Breaks will kill you."

Stopping and starting, particularly huge sprints with long rests, can be detrimental to creative projects. It can be really difficult to get going again after a really long layoff.

Breaks will kill you. That's why they're called BREAKS.

No matter how ominous The Point of Despair looks, if you keep your feet moving you will come out on the other side. I promise.

Fortune Friday: "Consolidate rather than expand business projects in the near future."

A surefire way to drive any business or creative endeavor into the ground is by trying to be everything to everybody. We see this all the time in big corporations, as they gobble up and acquire wide varieties of smaller companies and start-ups in an effort to bolster their product offering to the world. "Hey look at us! We not only sell shampoo, but we also sell dog food, greeting cards, and microwave pizzas."

One time I asked a client who their target audience was. They replied, "Everyone." Ugh.

Lack of market focus and deviation from core competency are a death knell for a company. Better to be exceptional at one or two things to a select group, than to be mediocre at a dozen things to the world at large.

As I grow older I find my time increasingly fragmented. Between spouse, children, home, job, church, side projects, and free time, lots of things are vying for my time. Instead of expanding, I feel drawn towards simplifying and focusing. I feel the pull of consolidating my life.

I'd rather excel at a few things than be so-so at everything.

To your good fortune!

Life Is Short, Roll The Dice

Life is short. Deep down we know this. But often, we live as though we have all the time in the world. Because it feels safe. Thinking about the shortness of life, or dare I say even death, is scary. It is uncomfortable. It makes us feel uneasy.

I turn 45 years old this year. So for me the reality is that, in all likelihood, I have fewer days ahead of me than I do behind me. Time-wise I am on the downward slope. With the clock ticking.

I came across a quote today by artist-writer-speaker Auston Kleon. He says:

"Draw the art you want to see, start the business you want to run, play the music you want to hear, write the books you want to read, build the products you want to use—do the work you want to see done." –Auston Kleon

Brilliant. So simple, so succinct.

We need to quit second-guessing ourselves. Quit trying to anticipate the market. Quit trying to get it all right in advance. Just do something. Anything. Pursue your dreams. Go for the life you want. Because there are no guarantees and we don't know how many days we have left.

Life is short. Roll the dice.

Fortune Friday: "Sell your ideas. They are totally acceptable."

Honestly I am not sure if this fortune begs discussing the virtues of commercializing our creativity versus keeping personal projects private, or whether or not we believe in our ideas, or what. But I do think it is a good followup to my discussion on overcoming self doubt.

Whenever I have an idea for a creative project or business idea, my typically next move is to start shooting holes in it. A sort of mental risk management. If you're anything like me, you're attracted to the sure thing. I love knowing all my ducks are in a row. It feels safer that way, right?

And again, if you're anything like me, your next step is to ask all your family and friends and coworkers what they think of your idea. More holes.

Before you know it, your grand idea looks like Bonnie and Clyde's 1934 Ford sedan after the police worked it over with their Browning Automatic Rifles (BAR).

Nothing left to do but throw it on the scrap heap and start over.

We've all done this, right? Be honest.

But the truth is our focus group is too small. We cut our ideas short before we let them gain any traction in the real world. Because chances are, if we think an idea is cool or noteworthy, the odds are in our favor that there are hundreds, or thousands, or perhaps even millions, of people out there who think it is cool too.

Don't kill off your dreams prematurely because you haven't yet figured out the logistics of making it happen. Focus on why you're doing it, not what, when and how. Those things will work themselves out naturally and you move along.

Follow your ideas. They're good ideas. Somebody somewhere will accept them—even if you don't initially.

To your good fortune!

Overcoming Self Doubt

Experts cite a wide variety of reasons for why new businesses fail within the first couple years. Some of these reasons include poor planning, underestimating real costs, bad management. But the primary factor that causes new businesses to crumble is under capitalization. In other words, not enough money. In particular, not enough reserves to ride out the lean times typical of new ventures.

On a personal level, many aspiring (creative) types—novelists, designers, app developers, soccer moms, life coaches—fall victim to the same cause. Specifically, under confidence capitalization.

Too many times, we lack the vault of inner reserves necessary to ride out the lean times—mental, emotional, spiritual, physical—in our lives.

You know how it goes. You get a flash of inspiration and go, "Wow, that's great! I am so excited about this idea." And for a few days you're really pumped. You dive into research and information, gobbling up everything you can. And then...

Self doubt begins to creep in.

You start second guessing yourself. You start to reconsider. You focus on logistics and timelines and plausibility. And you begin to think, "Gee, do I really even care about this that much?"

And as quickly as the inspiration came in, it goes out the door.

Lord knows how many projects I have started and abandoned over the last 20 years. I don't know. Like, a million?

And it all boiled down to one thing. Forget about financing, website designs, investors, solid business plans, whatever. When you scrape away all the surface reasons why I thought it couldn't be done, the real reason was I didn't think I had it in me to do it. Good old fashioned self doubt. Period.

At this point you're all probably nodding your heads vigorously. Yes, yes, we've all been there before. So what do we do about it?

A couple of things.

First, acknowledge that for all intents and purposes, most of the time we really don't have to do anything about it. Not really. I mean, sure we'd like to accomplish all our goals and dreams, but we're probably not going to literally die if we don't. So go easy on yourself.

Second, you need to invest in the time and energy necessary to get okay with yourself. Really dig deep and learn who you are at a core level. Because trust me, when you do you're going to see something really amazing. As much as we humans are alike, each of us is so unbelievably unique it's frightening. There is only one you and one me on the whole planet. And sometimes that scares us.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." –Marianne Williamson

I like to draw. But no one draws exactly the way I do. I like to design logos and brand identity. But no other designer designs like I do. I like to write. But nobody writes the way I write. (Probably some of you are thinking thank goodness for that!).

And that is all good, useful information. Understanding my uniqueness is real power. That's the source of my internal capital. That is the juice that allows me to ride out the lean times. That is the compass I can fall back on when I get lost up inside my head.

That is how I overcome self doubt.

Fortune Friday: "Listen to friends with an ear to the future."

After reading this fortune a couple times, I realized it could have multiple meanings by making a slight change in punctuation.

Option 1:

"Listen to friends, with an ear to the future."

Option 2:

"Listen to: friends with an ear to the future."

In option 1, the responsibility rests with us to take in our friend's advice and then run that information through our internal filter; to reframe their ideas in a useful forward-thinking direction.

In option 2, we are advised to listen to friends who are forward-thinking individuals. I don't know about you, but I have friends who love to recall the glory days gone by. As if their best years have already been lived. And they tend to make decisions based on past experience, as opposed to the present facts. But the past is over. It is done, never to be repeated. Time to move on.

Personally, I favor a combination of both options. I prefer to spend my time with people who are looking forward rather than continually reminiscing about the past. But I also want to be sure that I stay true to my roots and my own inner compass and stay open to the inspiration that flows through me.

One final note here. Be sure your definition of 'friend' is a positive one. To me a friend is a confidant, a supporter, and sometimes a drill sergeant. True friends are not only enjoyable to be around and spend time with, but they bring out the best in you. They call you on your crap. They hold you to a higher standard.

Listen to those kind of friends. The real ones.

To your good fortune!

The Illusion of Security

Most human beings have an almost pathological desire for security. We want to feel safe and protected. In the realm of physical self-preservation, this is a good thing. After all, it is kind of hard to live and love and do all the things you dream of doing if you aren't actually living and breathing.

The problem is that we have extended this quest for protection and comfort into almost all other facets of our lives. We place money, fear of failure, fear of rejection, and calculated risk-taking on the same level of magnitude as oxygen.

But the truth is while money is useful for day-to-day subsistence, it can't buy true security. It is an illusion. We're all vulnerable. Stock market crashes, Ponzi schemes, long-term hospitalization, mortgage debacles, internet bubbles—they all can steal away our so-called security in the blink of an eye.

And what about pursuing our dreams and passions?

As a society we have grown so accustomed to ease and comfort, that we are often willing to shelve our dreams in exchange for cable TV, eating out, and the newest iPhone. We are so afraid of failing or being rejected. But rejected by who really? It's not like the tribe is going to boot us out into the cold and dreary wilderness to fend for ourselves against lions, tigers, and bears.

And even if our friends or family ridicule us, shouldn't that be a sign that we're attaching ourselves to the wrong people. Yes, those who are close to us are usually just trying to shield us from getting hurt. Because they love us and care for us. But if you find yourself continually slamming up against a wall of naysayers and critics, you might want to reconsider your relationships.

Anyone who truly loves you will support you no matter how crazy or silly they think you dreams are.

Fear, in actuality, is rarely more than thoughts running rampant in our head. I love Hellen Keller's quote:

"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing." –Hellen Keller

Life is way too short and precious to whittle it away clinging to a false sense of security. Go out and live. Roll the dice. You probably have a lot less to lose than you think.

Fortune Friday: "If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything."

This sounds more like something my Grandpa would say, and less like a "fortune." But what the heck, it was in the cookie with my lunch so I'm going to comment on it.

People underestimate the power of living a principle-centered life. Yes, the moral implications can have a dramatic impact on your day-to-day life. But from a more practical standpoint, principles are a real time saver.

Allow me to share a (somewhat) related example.

When I has in college, I had an illustration teacher named Cary Henrie. He was prolific and inspiring and taught us all many lessons about how to be a true creative professional, and not just a dabbler or hobbyist. He was fond of saying, and I am paraphrasing, "You need to pursue your career in the arts with the same seriousness and intensity as a medical student. Being an freelance illustrator is a hard path. If you aren't committed 110%, you should do something easier."

Not exactly the words a struggling student wants to hear, but entirely what we needed.

But what I really learned from Cary was the artistic equivalent of principles. This has paid huge dividends throughout my design career. He urged us to develop and catalog our own internal visual vocabulary. You see, most illustrators have a distinct style or look-n-feel to their work. In that context, the way I draw a tree is different from how another artist draws a tree. Simple enough.

Cary encouraged us to mentally catalog how we illustrated clouds, trees, dogs, cars, buildings, etc. This is extremely helpful in an industry of tight deadlines and shrinking budgets. Instead of reinventing the wheel from scratch on every new project, I can go to my mental file cabinet and pull out the pieces I need, a tree and a mountain and a person, and arrange them into my composition. Genius. You'd be amazed by how many artists actually can't do this. It would seem like it should be intuitive, but it's not. It takes work and practice.

Hmm. It seems I've strayed a bit from the path on this one. My intention was to swing it back around to actual principles-based living. Oh well, I like where it ended up. That's what blogs are for, right?

To your good fortune!

Effortless Success

Whenever I have a discussion with someone about pursuing their passion or creating a happier life, they inevitably ask me, "So where did you learn all this stuff?"

The long answer is I have devoured, read, and listened to dozens of books, podcasts, audios, videos, and blogs. The short answer is Michael Neill.

Let me back up. My real first steps into the world of personal development began when I watched—quite by accident—Wayne Dyer speak in his PBS special The Power of Intention. From there I discovered Hay House and Hay House Radio, the broadcasters of Michael Neill's weekly radio call-in show Supercoach.

Honestly, I first listened to Supercoach because it sounded the least "New Agey" of the group. I had heard of Cheryl Richardson, also on Hay House Radio, before, but mostly through her association with Oprah Winfrey.

After listening to Michael's show, I was hooked. It was as if someone had thrown back the blackout curtains and let the sunlight pour in. Mind you, it's not like I was spiritually in the dark or anything. Quite the opposite. But Michael's insights, particularly from a career viewpoint, started to open up my mind to a new possibilities and new ways of looking at the world.

Soon after, I purchased his 6-CD set Effortless Success in the summer of 2008. My first ever self-help purchase—and still my favorite.

I listened to it in my car over and over and over for about 6 months straight. Literally. No music, no talk shows. Just his program. I wanted to cement the concepts into my mind so solidly that they would never leave.

What I love about this program is Michael's natural conversational tone. It really feels like you're talking with someone, not being lectured to. He mixes humor, stories, and practical advice in a way that is easy to digest and implement into your life.

I could on and on, but honestly the only way to truly see how life-changing this program can be is to listen to it. Or check out his radio show and website. You won't be disappointed.

Disclaimer: I don't have any kind of affiliate account with Amazon or anyone else. So if you click and buy, I don't earn a dime. My blog is for me and you to learn, express, and grow. Not to make money. Just wanted you to know. But seriously, consider buying the Effortless Success CD program. It's awesome.

Fortune Friday: "Your emotional nature is strong and sensitive."

As human beings, our entire nature is emotional. Sure we pride ourselves on our intellect and analytical abilities, but at our core we are primal and driven by emotion and instinct. I believe we all have an inner knowing, a perfect internal compass. And that compass has the ability to lead us exactly in the direction best suited for our growth and development.

The problem comes when we ignore that compass.

And the reason we often ignore it is because we falsely believe that strength and sensitivity are mutually exclusive. That if we are strong we can't be sensitive, and vice versa. Or we believe that strength equals hardness, or that sensitivity equals weakness.

But real power comes from harnessing opposites. Warmth is nothing without the cold. Light is nothing without darkness. Happiness is not fully expressed in the absence of sadness.

Our real emotional nature, our true power, comes from tempering strength with sensitivity, and alloying sensitivity with strength.

When we bring the two together in balance and harmony, we are unstoppable.

To your good fortune!

Make Time For Quiet Time

I just returned from a 5-day, 50-mile hike in the Uinta mountain range with my son's Boy Scout troop. It was filled with many ups and downs, smooth shady paths and barren, rocky accents. We camped by picturesque lakes under a million electric stars. We got eaten by mosquitoes while eating dehydrated backpacking food. We fished. We pack and repacked our gear. We got rained on. We walked and talked and walked some more.

But the greatest gift this trip bestowed—other than a solid week without emails, meetings, or conference calls—was clear, pure moments of breathtaking silence.

It was as if the churning, bubbling waters in my mind went flatly still. A pervading calm washed over me. The peace and tranquility was exquisite.

I can hardly list the number of new insights and thoughts that flowed into my head in this receptive state. By removing myself to a place of silence, I was able to block out the noise and stem the floodgates long enough for the small trickles of inspiration and clarity to seep their way into my soul.

Wow, what a gift. I will definitely take steps to arrange my schedule to enjoy more of these moments.

It is so easy to run around all day long in a state of busyness. We say to ourselves, "But I'm so swamped. I count afford to take time out for quiet."

You can't afford not to. I know I can't.

Fortune Friday: "The only way to have a friend is to be a friend."

What does it mean to be a friend? Remove the letter a and you get a new word.

Be a friend. Be friend. Befriend: to become or act as a friend to.

To become or act as. The definition itself implies action, effort, and progress.

Look back on all the relationships in your life. Did they just show up at your feet one day? Did they come to you? I'm guessing they exist because you pursued them—because you were actively engaged in growing them.

They say it takes two to Tango. And that is true of all the relationships in our lives. There is a give and a take. But the give has to come first. And if there is no reciprocation, there is no relationship.

People sometimes say they are trapped in a one-sided relationship. This is impossible. It can't exist. Without two or more vested parties there is no relationship. It might have the appearance of a relationship. It might feel like a relationship. It might have all the trappings of a relationship. But it doesn't exist. There is just a Taker and the poor, hopeful Giver pursuing them.

Want to have great, deep, intimate friendships? Become the friend everyone wishes they had.

To your good fortune!

There Is Enough Pie For Everyone

People tend to operate from two basic mindsets: scarcity or abundance.

To the scarcity-minded individual, life feels like a constant uphill struggle. Every inch of conquered ground has to be clawed and scratched at. Every piece of pie you get is one less slice for me.

To the abundance-minded individual, life feels the exact opposite. There is plenty of pie to go around. Not only is there enough pie for everyone to have a slice, there is enough for everyone to open their own pie shop or Hostess factory.

Unfortunately, the prevailing mindset seems to be that of scarcity. Or so it seems in western culture. So how do we transition from a scarcity mentality to that of abundance?

By learning to and becoming comfortable with giving things away. By cultivating generosity the same way you would cultivate a garden. In gardening, you prepare the soil, plow the furrows, plant the seeds, monitor the water flow, and pull the weeds. You follow an initial procedure and follow up with a regular maintenance routine. And in time, you reap the harvest.

I am a huge believer in the karmic nature of the universe. There is an ebb and flow to energy. What goes out must come back. Where most of us go wrong is we focus on what we see or want coming to us—on what we can get. But we have the system backwards. Something has to go out before it can come back. We have to give before we can receive.

Some of you are probably saying, "Yah, easy for you to say. I have hardly anything. I am barely scraping by as it is. How can I give?"

So start small. If all you can give is even a few coins to a panhandler, then start there. Or donate a tiny bit of your time to a worthy cause. With time, your capacity to give with expand and flourish.

One of my favorite things to do is to refer potential clients to other graphic designer friends. Sure I'd like the money from the gig—who wouldn't—but not every project is a good fit for my style, skill set, or schedule. So I gladly pass it along.

And the pies just keep on coming.

Fortune Friday: "Friends long absent are coming back to you."

For the past two months, I have been training to accompany my son on a week-long 50-mile backpacking trip with his scout troop. This has involved morning walks and a few shorter practice hikes, with and without gear.

To those of you who don't know me, I am not and have not been the most active of individuals for the better part of a couple decades. Sure, I can get by when circumstances require it, but by and large I have, until now, fit the profile of the typical sedentary, cubicle office worker. It all started with my first salaried job and continued on through the years.

I am not proud of it, but I want to paint an honest picture of things.

But what has been great lately is that feeling of aliveness in my bones. That oddly pleasant ache in the muscles. Like low-voltage electricity periodically zapping through the system. Granted, some mornings I am less than enthusiastic about getting out of my cozy cocoon to go tread up the hill by my house, but overall the feeling has been enjoyable.

You see, it is easy to forget that feeling. When I was a teenager with 6% body fat, I spent my days swimming laps, taking karate lessons, lifting weights in the basement, and skateboarding for miles and miles. Physicality, health, and vigor were close friends of mine.

Undoubtedly I felt electrified all the time. But that just my normal. My day to day. Then slowly, little by little, my normal changed. Now things are different.

Suffice it to say, it has been nice to see my old friends again.

To your good fortune!

Goals Are For Suckers

To quote sports psychologist and mental-toughness expert Chris Dorris, "Goals are for people who lack the courage to make decisions."

Harsh words. But probably true.

We've all set goals and discarded them, made New Year's resolutions and abandoned them. We've made charts and checklists and vision boards. We may have even enlisted support groups or accountability partners.

Heck, these may have even worked.

But most likely not.

Because what we usually lack is making a clear, definitive decision—the kind of life-altering choice that ushers in a whole new paradigm, a new lens through which we see and interact with the world.

Love him or hate him, Tony Robbins is a master at authentic, authoritative decision making. In his book, Awaken the Giant Within, he says:

"If you don't make decisions about how you're going to live, then you've already made a decision, haven't you? You're making a decision to be directed by the environment instead of shaping your own destiny. My whole life changed in just one day—the day I determined not just what I'd like to have in my life or what I wanted to become, but when I decided who and what I was committed to having and being in my life. That's a simple distinction, but a critical one."

I love that term 'shaping your own destiny.' It implies a destiny already exists, but that the precise form is up to us. Like a sculptor with a block of clay, she can shape and form it into anything she wants, be it a vase or a figurine. Anything of her choosing.

That is real power.

So forget your goals. Put away your lists and scrapbooks. Go deep inside your heart and choose the life you want to create.