The Illusion of Security

Most human beings have an almost pathological desire for security. We want to feel safe and protected. In the realm of physical self-preservation, this is a good thing. After all, it is kind of hard to live and love and do all the things you dream of doing if you aren't actually living and breathing.

The problem is that we have extended this quest for protection and comfort into almost all other facets of our lives. We place money, fear of failure, fear of rejection, and calculated risk-taking on the same level of magnitude as oxygen.

But the truth is while money is useful for day-to-day subsistence, it can't buy true security. It is an illusion. We're all vulnerable. Stock market crashes, Ponzi schemes, long-term hospitalization, mortgage debacles, internet bubbles—they all can steal away our so-called security in the blink of an eye.

And what about pursuing our dreams and passions?

As a society we have grown so accustomed to ease and comfort, that we are often willing to shelve our dreams in exchange for cable TV, eating out, and the newest iPhone. We are so afraid of failing or being rejected. But rejected by who really? It's not like the tribe is going to boot us out into the cold and dreary wilderness to fend for ourselves against lions, tigers, and bears.

And even if our friends or family ridicule us, shouldn't that be a sign that we're attaching ourselves to the wrong people. Yes, those who are close to us are usually just trying to shield us from getting hurt. Because they love us and care for us. But if you find yourself continually slamming up against a wall of naysayers and critics, you might want to reconsider your relationships.

Anyone who truly loves you will support you no matter how crazy or silly they think you dreams are.

Fear, in actuality, is rarely more than thoughts running rampant in our head. I love Hellen Keller's quote:

"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing." –Hellen Keller

Life is way too short and precious to whittle it away clinging to a false sense of security. Go out and live. Roll the dice. You probably have a lot less to lose than you think.

Fortune Friday: "If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything."

This sounds more like something my Grandpa would say, and less like a "fortune." But what the heck, it was in the cookie with my lunch so I'm going to comment on it.

People underestimate the power of living a principle-centered life. Yes, the moral implications can have a dramatic impact on your day-to-day life. But from a more practical standpoint, principles are a real time saver.

Allow me to share a (somewhat) related example.

When I has in college, I had an illustration teacher named Cary Henrie. He was prolific and inspiring and taught us all many lessons about how to be a true creative professional, and not just a dabbler or hobbyist. He was fond of saying, and I am paraphrasing, "You need to pursue your career in the arts with the same seriousness and intensity as a medical student. Being an freelance illustrator is a hard path. If you aren't committed 110%, you should do something easier."

Not exactly the words a struggling student wants to hear, but entirely what we needed.

But what I really learned from Cary was the artistic equivalent of principles. This has paid huge dividends throughout my design career. He urged us to develop and catalog our own internal visual vocabulary. You see, most illustrators have a distinct style or look-n-feel to their work. In that context, the way I draw a tree is different from how another artist draws a tree. Simple enough.

Cary encouraged us to mentally catalog how we illustrated clouds, trees, dogs, cars, buildings, etc. This is extremely helpful in an industry of tight deadlines and shrinking budgets. Instead of reinventing the wheel from scratch on every new project, I can go to my mental file cabinet and pull out the pieces I need, a tree and a mountain and a person, and arrange them into my composition. Genius. You'd be amazed by how many artists actually can't do this. It would seem like it should be intuitive, but it's not. It takes work and practice.

Hmm. It seems I've strayed a bit from the path on this one. My intention was to swing it back around to actual principles-based living. Oh well, I like where it ended up. That's what blogs are for, right?

To your good fortune!

Effortless Success

Whenever I have a discussion with someone about pursuing their passion or creating a happier life, they inevitably ask me, "So where did you learn all this stuff?"

The long answer is I have devoured, read, and listened to dozens of books, podcasts, audios, videos, and blogs. The short answer is Michael Neill.

Let me back up. My real first steps into the world of personal development began when I watched—quite by accident—Wayne Dyer speak in his PBS special The Power of Intention. From there I discovered Hay House and Hay House Radio, the broadcasters of Michael Neill's weekly radio call-in show Supercoach.

Honestly, I first listened to Supercoach because it sounded the least "New Agey" of the group. I had heard of Cheryl Richardson, also on Hay House Radio, before, but mostly through her association with Oprah Winfrey.

After listening to Michael's show, I was hooked. It was as if someone had thrown back the blackout curtains and let the sunlight pour in. Mind you, it's not like I was spiritually in the dark or anything. Quite the opposite. But Michael's insights, particularly from a career viewpoint, started to open up my mind to a new possibilities and new ways of looking at the world.

Soon after, I purchased his 6-CD set Effortless Success in the summer of 2008. My first ever self-help purchase—and still my favorite.

I listened to it in my car over and over and over for about 6 months straight. Literally. No music, no talk shows. Just his program. I wanted to cement the concepts into my mind so solidly that they would never leave.

What I love about this program is Michael's natural conversational tone. It really feels like you're talking with someone, not being lectured to. He mixes humor, stories, and practical advice in a way that is easy to digest and implement into your life.

I could on and on, but honestly the only way to truly see how life-changing this program can be is to listen to it. Or check out his radio show and website. You won't be disappointed.

Disclaimer: I don't have any kind of affiliate account with Amazon or anyone else. So if you click and buy, I don't earn a dime. My blog is for me and you to learn, express, and grow. Not to make money. Just wanted you to know. But seriously, consider buying the Effortless Success CD program. It's awesome.

Fortune Friday: "Your emotional nature is strong and sensitive."

As human beings, our entire nature is emotional. Sure we pride ourselves on our intellect and analytical abilities, but at our core we are primal and driven by emotion and instinct. I believe we all have an inner knowing, a perfect internal compass. And that compass has the ability to lead us exactly in the direction best suited for our growth and development.

The problem comes when we ignore that compass.

And the reason we often ignore it is because we falsely believe that strength and sensitivity are mutually exclusive. That if we are strong we can't be sensitive, and vice versa. Or we believe that strength equals hardness, or that sensitivity equals weakness.

But real power comes from harnessing opposites. Warmth is nothing without the cold. Light is nothing without darkness. Happiness is not fully expressed in the absence of sadness.

Our real emotional nature, our true power, comes from tempering strength with sensitivity, and alloying sensitivity with strength.

When we bring the two together in balance and harmony, we are unstoppable.

To your good fortune!

Make Time For Quiet Time

I just returned from a 5-day, 50-mile hike in the Uinta mountain range with my son's Boy Scout troop. It was filled with many ups and downs, smooth shady paths and barren, rocky accents. We camped by picturesque lakes under a million electric stars. We got eaten by mosquitoes while eating dehydrated backpacking food. We fished. We pack and repacked our gear. We got rained on. We walked and talked and walked some more.

But the greatest gift this trip bestowed—other than a solid week without emails, meetings, or conference calls—was clear, pure moments of breathtaking silence.

It was as if the churning, bubbling waters in my mind went flatly still. A pervading calm washed over me. The peace and tranquility was exquisite.

I can hardly list the number of new insights and thoughts that flowed into my head in this receptive state. By removing myself to a place of silence, I was able to block out the noise and stem the floodgates long enough for the small trickles of inspiration and clarity to seep their way into my soul.

Wow, what a gift. I will definitely take steps to arrange my schedule to enjoy more of these moments.

It is so easy to run around all day long in a state of busyness. We say to ourselves, "But I'm so swamped. I count afford to take time out for quiet."

You can't afford not to. I know I can't.

Fortune Friday: "The only way to have a friend is to be a friend."

What does it mean to be a friend? Remove the letter a and you get a new word.

Be a friend. Be friend. Befriend: to become or act as a friend to.

To become or act as. The definition itself implies action, effort, and progress.

Look back on all the relationships in your life. Did they just show up at your feet one day? Did they come to you? I'm guessing they exist because you pursued them—because you were actively engaged in growing them.

They say it takes two to Tango. And that is true of all the relationships in our lives. There is a give and a take. But the give has to come first. And if there is no reciprocation, there is no relationship.

People sometimes say they are trapped in a one-sided relationship. This is impossible. It can't exist. Without two or more vested parties there is no relationship. It might have the appearance of a relationship. It might feel like a relationship. It might have all the trappings of a relationship. But it doesn't exist. There is just a Taker and the poor, hopeful Giver pursuing them.

Want to have great, deep, intimate friendships? Become the friend everyone wishes they had.

To your good fortune!

There Is Enough Pie For Everyone

People tend to operate from two basic mindsets: scarcity or abundance.

To the scarcity-minded individual, life feels like a constant uphill struggle. Every inch of conquered ground has to be clawed and scratched at. Every piece of pie you get is one less slice for me.

To the abundance-minded individual, life feels the exact opposite. There is plenty of pie to go around. Not only is there enough pie for everyone to have a slice, there is enough for everyone to open their own pie shop or Hostess factory.

Unfortunately, the prevailing mindset seems to be that of scarcity. Or so it seems in western culture. So how do we transition from a scarcity mentality to that of abundance?

By learning to and becoming comfortable with giving things away. By cultivating generosity the same way you would cultivate a garden. In gardening, you prepare the soil, plow the furrows, plant the seeds, monitor the water flow, and pull the weeds. You follow an initial procedure and follow up with a regular maintenance routine. And in time, you reap the harvest.

I am a huge believer in the karmic nature of the universe. There is an ebb and flow to energy. What goes out must come back. Where most of us go wrong is we focus on what we see or want coming to us—on what we can get. But we have the system backwards. Something has to go out before it can come back. We have to give before we can receive.

Some of you are probably saying, "Yah, easy for you to say. I have hardly anything. I am barely scraping by as it is. How can I give?"

So start small. If all you can give is even a few coins to a panhandler, then start there. Or donate a tiny bit of your time to a worthy cause. With time, your capacity to give with expand and flourish.

One of my favorite things to do is to refer potential clients to other graphic designer friends. Sure I'd like the money from the gig—who wouldn't—but not every project is a good fit for my style, skill set, or schedule. So I gladly pass it along.

And the pies just keep on coming.

Fortune Friday: "Friends long absent are coming back to you."

For the past two months, I have been training to accompany my son on a week-long 50-mile backpacking trip with his scout troop. This has involved morning walks and a few shorter practice hikes, with and without gear.

To those of you who don't know me, I am not and have not been the most active of individuals for the better part of a couple decades. Sure, I can get by when circumstances require it, but by and large I have, until now, fit the profile of the typical sedentary, cubicle office worker. It all started with my first salaried job and continued on through the years.

I am not proud of it, but I want to paint an honest picture of things.

But what has been great lately is that feeling of aliveness in my bones. That oddly pleasant ache in the muscles. Like low-voltage electricity periodically zapping through the system. Granted, some mornings I am less than enthusiastic about getting out of my cozy cocoon to go tread up the hill by my house, but overall the feeling has been enjoyable.

You see, it is easy to forget that feeling. When I was a teenager with 6% body fat, I spent my days swimming laps, taking karate lessons, lifting weights in the basement, and skateboarding for miles and miles. Physicality, health, and vigor were close friends of mine.

Undoubtedly I felt electrified all the time. But that just my normal. My day to day. Then slowly, little by little, my normal changed. Now things are different.

Suffice it to say, it has been nice to see my old friends again.

To your good fortune!

Goals Are For Suckers

To quote sports psychologist and mental-toughness expert Chris Dorris, "Goals are for people who lack the courage to make decisions."

Harsh words. But probably true.

We've all set goals and discarded them, made New Year's resolutions and abandoned them. We've made charts and checklists and vision boards. We may have even enlisted support groups or accountability partners.

Heck, these may have even worked.

But most likely not.

Because what we usually lack is making a clear, definitive decision—the kind of life-altering choice that ushers in a whole new paradigm, a new lens through which we see and interact with the world.

Love him or hate him, Tony Robbins is a master at authentic, authoritative decision making. In his book, Awaken the Giant Within, he says:

"If you don't make decisions about how you're going to live, then you've already made a decision, haven't you? You're making a decision to be directed by the environment instead of shaping your own destiny. My whole life changed in just one day—the day I determined not just what I'd like to have in my life or what I wanted to become, but when I decided who and what I was committed to having and being in my life. That's a simple distinction, but a critical one."

I love that term 'shaping your own destiny.' It implies a destiny already exists, but that the precise form is up to us. Like a sculptor with a block of clay, she can shape and form it into anything she wants, be it a vase or a figurine. Anything of her choosing.

That is real power.

So forget your goals. Put away your lists and scrapbooks. Go deep inside your heart and choose the life you want to create.