Eliminate The Nonessential

The great detective Sherlock Holmes famously said, "When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."

Likewise, we can apply this same methodology in removing those things and activities that do not enhance or advance our lives. In essence, when we have eliminated the nonessential, whatever remains, however seemingly simple, must be what is most important.

What are some truly nonessential things that get in the way of pursuing our dreams and goals? Surely excessive television watching and social media grazing steal away our time. Caffeine and insufficient sleep steal away energy. Excess sugar and dehydration steal away our vitality.

After removing these nonessential things, we often find that what remains are the simple basics. Things like reading more books, drinking sufficient water, and getting adequate rest each night.

We all know this, but it is amazing how easily we let ourselves get distracted and derailed and allow our schedules to be preoccupied by pointless minutiae that does not serve us.

In the military, they call it basic training for a reason. When you return to—and master—the fundamentals, the complexities usually take care of themselves.

This week, take some time to consider what nonessential activities or habits you could strip away from your daily routine to make room for the essentials. I recommend starting with changing just one thing. Ask yourself, "What is the one thing I could do or stop doing now that would radically impact my life in the next six months?"

You already know your answer, don't you?

Go and do that.

Fortune Friday: "You will be hungry again in one hour."

On first read, this is the biggest cop-out in fortune writing history.

On second read, this just might be pure genius.

How often do we pursue the pointless and meaningless in our lives? How often do we sacrifice our precious time and resources at the alter of mindless entertainment and empty commercialism?

Metaphorically speaking, we will just be hungry again in an hour. Because there is no substance. Nothing to fill us up and satiate us. Just mental junk food and empty calories.

Years ago I worked with a fellow who was continually flirting with a pretty—and very happily married—coworker. Day after day he would cruise by her cubicle and engage her in drawn out conversations. No doubt she enjoyed the attention, but was nevertheless uninterested.

As we watched this poor sap fruitlessly pursue his quarry, a friend would joke, in his best Confucius voice, "Why does he desire that which he cannot have?"

Still cracks me up whenever I think about it.

But the point is still valid. How often do we seek to sate our inner hunger with outer distractions that cannot possible fill us?

We'll just be hungry again in one hour.

To your good fortune!

Merry Christmas and Season's Greetings

Hard to believe another year has come and gone. They say time accelerates as you grow older and I am experiencing this phenomenon more and more.

This year has been interesting to say the least. Many ups and many downs. Unexpected trials and even more unexpected blessings. I sometimes feel like that episode of Seinfeld where Jerry always comes out "even Steven."

There were some career opportunities that never materialized, but the lessons and clarity I gathered from these disappointments will pave the way towards a better and brighter coming year. I am optimistic for what the future may bring, but honestly have no idea what form this future will take. Life is always a work in progress and I am glad to be able to stand at the proverbial easel.

All I will say for now is that I am so grateful for my wife, children, family and friends who continue to enrich my life, as well as all of you who continue to visit this site and read my articles. I appreciate your continued support.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! God bless us, every one.

Fortune Friday: "Seek friendship and you will find someone special this month."

Friendship is something dear to my heart. My whole life, and even now as a middle-aged man, I have yearned for close friends. Not just surface level acquaintances or social media followers, but true friends. Friends where I can go deep. Friends with whom I can delve into the darkest recesses of my soul.

Genuine friendships can fill a specific and necessary place in our lives. A place to share and grow and vent and laugh without the entanglements and emotional hot buttons we often have with our partners and family. Attached without attachment.

In olden times, when a man went to battle or to a duel, he would bring his Second. His lieutenant. His wing man. In fact, this fellow would say something along the lines of, "I am your man." He had your back—sometimes literally with a shield. He stood at your side through thick and thin. 

These kinds of deep, fulfilling friendships are not always easy to find. And when we do find them, they can take years and even decades to nurture. Yet the return is so worth the investment. Even one stalwart friend can ease and bless our journey through this life in ways we can't imagine.

I have never had a great many friends, but I have been blessed by a few great ones throughout my life.

Some have lasted. And they continue to enrich my life year after year.

Some have faded away either consciously or by circumstance. And even though they are no longer a part of my day-to-day, they have left an indelible mark on my heart that can never be erased.

To all my friends past, present and future, I thank you. I am forever grateful for you. You have made life truly worth living.

To your good fortune!

Release The Brakes In Your Life

Ever been driving your car around town and it seems like the engine is working overtime and the acceleration is poor—and then you start smelling a weird burning odor?

You pull off to the side of the road to try and ascertain the problem, only to look down and realize...

The emergency brake is still engaged.

Fixing the problems is quite simple. You just release the brake and go along your way.

Our lives can respond the same way.

Too often we just keep gunning the throttle. Pushing ourselves harder and harder at a frantic pace. Trying to squeeze too much activity into tool little time. But the brakes are still on. Remember, a car in gear will move forward all on its own—even in idle, without the pedal being pushed—so long as the emergency brake is off.

One of the major brakes we place on our lives is our own limiting beliefs about what is possible. Our bad habits are another example of how we get in our own way. In both instances, we stop ourselves before we even have a chance to get going, let alone build momentum or accelerate.

Focusing on building up our strengths is a smart practice. Much of the contemporary success literature espouses enhancing strengths over fixing weaknesses. But sometimes taking the time to address and fix or remove certain flaws—be it our limiting beliefs or poor habits—will remove the brakes that are impeding our growth and progress.

Fortune Friday: "You have an unusual magnetic personality. Just be aware of your polarity."

Recently, I read an article about attracting and creating powerful relationships. The author explained that too often people aim to attract a partner who is a 7 or 8 on a scale of 1 to 10, but end up settling for a 5 or 6. They don't even try for a 9 or a 10, believing it unrealistic or arrogant or overly choosy.

The irony is that they simultaneously hide or downplay their own unique qualities in an effort to fit in and to be so-called normal. They mask their true selves and their innermost desires, dumbing themselves down to a 5 or a 6.

The net result is two mediocre individuals settling into a mediocre relationship. Is it any wonder then why half of marriages end in divorce?

The solution, according to the author, is to polarize your audience by polarizing yourself. Generate 1s and 10s as much as possible.

In other words, let your freak flag fly. Don't aim for the middle, but openly express and share your unique weirdness. And in so doing you make yourself someone's perfect 10. And we're not talking about mere physical attractiveness (although that could play a part), because everyone's ideal 10 is different.

For example, if you are a Paleo-eating logistics analyst who enjoys watching reruns of Serenity while knitting Alpaca sweaters, then promote that openly to the world. Be transparent. Share it wide and far.

Don't be like the generic masses who say, "I like to travel and go movies and hang out with my friends," unless that is your dearest truth. Instead, be specific and bold—life is too short for average and normal. You deserve better. And so does your partner.

Because somewhere out there you—yes, YOU—are someone's 10. Your job is to become so one-of-a-kind that you only draw those potential partners to you. You owe it to yourself and them.

Word of warning: this strategy will bring out the haters and the trolls. People might think you weird or obnoxious or disgusting. Or whatever. Who cares? These are your 1s. If you are generating 1s and 10s, you know you're onto something.

And the haters? Forget them. Their opinions are meaningless where your happiness is concerned.

I say, don't just be aware of your polarity, accentuate it. Expand it. Intensify it.

Life is too short to settle for mediocre.

To your good fortune!

Terrified Every Day

This is my new favorite quote. Powerful words from a powerful woman, artist and innovator. She said, "I've been terrified every day of my life but that's never stopped me from doing everything I wanted to do."

So often—perhaps too often—we interpret fear as a signal to stop. But that is just the lizard brain trying to protect us and keep us safe. There is a big difference between the worry and anxiety which we label as fear and real, life-threatening danger.

For the most part, pursuing our dreams is rarely going to get us physically killed. We might bruise our ego or take a few blows to our self esteem, but that doesn't necessarily mean we should stop.

"Feel the fear and do it anyway," is pretty good advice.

Fortune Friday: "You will make a change for the better."

Most of the time we are resistant to change. Change is unknown, unsettling, and often unnerving. So of course we want to avoid it. I mean, who in their right mind would volunteer to sign up for upheaval?

But all change is for the better. If we choose to see it that way. Even completely unwanted, unsolicited, or unwarranted changes can be beneficial when viewed through the lens of opportunity. And here's why.

Change requires adaptation. Adaptation implies evolution. Evolving implies growth and moving towards a more ideal state.

So even though the changes we are experiencing now may be incredibly sucky (or good), what matters most is who we are becoming as a result.

Change is good. Don't fight it, embrace it.

To your good fortune!

Note: I worked six un- words into this article. Too bad unheaval isn't a word, or I would have gone for seven.

How To Be Content Like Lola

Lola and her best little buddy Junebug. Photo by Amy Gretchen.

Lola is my brother-in-law's seventy-five pound Old English Bulldog. She is meaty and thick and built like a Mack truck and she has a heart of pure gold. She is a masterful example of living a contented life.

Sure, she is a dog and is not encumbered by the trappings and responsibilities of human life. But that said, we could definitely benefit from mimicking how Lola lives.

Lola—and most dogs for that matter—are simple creatures with simple needs. Her basic wants are a full belly, a soft place to sleep, and a warm body to sit next to. That's it. And maybe the occasional bird to chase.

So what can we learn from Lola?

Like most dogs, Lola typically eat the same thing day after day. Simple food and water to drink. The occasional treat or table scrap is icing on the cake.

Lola loves to curl up in her dog bed or on the couch. And if neither is available, she is content with the floor. As long as it is dry and warm, she'll make it work.

But my favorite thing about Lola is she just wants to be near you. She is perfectly content with proximity. Sure, some ear scratching is a plus—I mean really, who doesn't love that—but just being close is sufficient for her.

We humans could learn a lot from Lola, to appreciate more the simple things in life.

Beyond a basic dry, warm place to sleep, we don't need a ton of housing. A beautiful home is wonderful, but what we have is probably more than enough.

Beyond simple, sustainable sustenance, we don't need an endless stream of culinary pleasures. Great food is wonderful, but what we have is probably more than enough.

Beyond loyal companionship, we don't need a posse of followers and fans. More relationships can be wonderful, but what we have is probably more than enough.

This world, particularly western civilization, encourages the constant acquisition of more. More this, more that. More everything.

However, more is not always better.

I am not discounting the pursuit of lofty goals or big dreams. Striving to be better is what makes humans human.

But sometimes the happiest path can be found in living like a dog.

Fortune Friday: "You are always welcome to gatherings."

It is interesting how one word can entirely change the meaning of a phrase. In today's fortune, we would expect it to say "You are always welcome at gatherings."

Being welcome at something implies being on the receiving end of an invitation. Someone else has initiated the gathering and you are welcome to attend.

Instead, it says to.

Being welcome to something is a more proactive position. It puts the power within you to initiate an event or an action. You are the master of your fate. You are the captain of your soul. Like Seth Godin continually says, stop waiting to be picked. Choose yourself.

To your good fortune!

Commitment is Self Love

Photo by Lacey Raper

Commitment is self love in action. I learned this concept recently from thought leader Chris Brogan. I suppose at some level I knew this deep down all along. But Brogan stated it so simply—in context of growing both our lives and our businesses—I just had to share. To paraphrase Chris, he said:

Commitment is a love of yourself. If you are not keeping your commitments (to yourself) you are cheating and having an affair on yourself. You are betraying you. And if you can't love you, you can't execute on all the things you want to do.

I found this very powerful—and a bit unsettling. To think that I have been cheating, and cheating on, myself is disturbing.

I've also found the opposite to be true: self-love equals commitment. All doubt, fear, apathy, or procrastination is fundamentally rooted in a lack of self love. When your mind leads with thoughts like, "Good things like that don't happen to people like me," how motivated are you going to be to go out and create the life you desire?

Robert Holden said, "No amount of self improvement can make up for a lack of self acceptance."

When you truly love and accept yourself—warts and all—you do what it takes to become the best version of you possible.

Because you're worth it.

Fortune Friday: "Watch your relations with other people carefully. Be reserved."

Our relationships with other people can be the source of our greatest happiness, joy, and fulfillment. They can also be our greatest source of frustration, disappointment, and grief. We hurt the ones we love as they say.

Is there a surefire way we can improve our most cherished relations? I offer up two possible solutions for your consideration:

1. Watch carefully
2. Be reserved

Watch Carefully

In the movie The Breakfast Club, the Brain asks the Basket Case what her parents do to her. She replies, "They ignore me." Her parents weren't watching carefully. They weren't seeing her. Their attention was somewhere else. And she withered.

People—like pets and plants—need attention. They need care and nourishment. Sometimes we forget this. People put up great facades to hide their pain and shame from the world. We think they're are doing okay when in fact they really aren't.

Be Reserved

Reserved is defined as being slow to reveal emotions or opinions. Much of our relationship problems stem from the preconceived judgements and expectations we place on people. And when they fail to act as we'd like them to, we get annoyed or hurt or angry.

But what if we slowed down? What if we spoke less and listened more? What if we tried to see and accept others as they really are, and less of what we want them to be?

They just might surprise us.

Reserved is also defined as something kept specially for a particular purpose or person—as in reserving a seat.

Do we keep a special spot in our heart for just that one person? Do we reserve a space for them, and them only, that is untouched and untarnished by the outer world?

A sacred inner sanctum impervious to outside influences.

If we watch carefully and become more reserved in our thoughts and intentions, our relations will bloom and flourish.

To your good fortune! 

The Upside of PTSD

Before anyone accuses me of being insensitive or flippant, please know that I am not making light of anyone who has suffered genuine psychological trauma. My heart truly goes out to anyone traumatized in any way and I hope they are able to find the professional assistance and inner peace they seek and rightly deserve.

PTSD is the acronym for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I would like to positively and gently reframe this term as it applies to the less severe day-to-day trials we all face.

Our muscles grow when they are put under stress and then given a period of recovery. As this cycle is repeated, our muscles grow stronger and more resilient. In time, we are able to perform increasingly difficult tasks that before would have seemed impossible.

Our souls grow in a similar manner.

When our minds and hearts—emotional not physical—are placed under load, there are two possible outcomes. We either crack or we recover and grow stronger.

I call this Post Traumatic Soul Development.

Most of the time this is a choice. We can choose to shrink, retreat, or give in to despair, or we can choose to fight. We can choose to run straight at our problems and fears.

The funny thing about problems and fears is that they rarely hold up to prolonged scrutiny. Darkness cannot abide the light. Fear and love cannot exist in the same space. If we shine the spotlight of our heartfelt attention—not repetitious circular worrying—on those things which are troubling us, a timely solution usually presents itself.

And the more times we repeat this cycle, the stronger we get. As we repeatedly flex our "soul muscle," our capacity to handle heavier mental and emotional loads increases. Soon we will be fit to handle the so-called impossible.

Sometimes we can do this on our own. Sometimes it is easier with help. Either way, our trials and tribulations can become fuel for our greatest growth.

If we let them.

Fortune Friday: "Discontent is the first step in the progress of a man or a nation."

There is a lot of talk these days about finding and living your passion. In fact, there even seems to be some social pressure associated with it. You haven't found your passion yet? What are you waiting for!

For those who already know what it is you love and what you want to do with your life, congratulations. Count yourselves lucky.

But for those of you who are still trying to discover what lights you up, here is an exercise you can do to ferret out what could be your passion. It may sound counterintuitive, but trust me, it works.

Usually we're encouraged to make a list of what we want. "You gotta name it to claim it," they shout. Write down your goals. Say them out loud every day.

You've heard this all before, right? And for good reason. It really does work.

But sometimes we get stuck. Our minds draw a blank. We've lose touch with our inner child who knew how to dream and play. "If only I knew what I wanted, I'd go do it!"

If you find yourself stuck trying to come up with your list—do the opposite.

Make a What-I-Don't-Want-List.

That's right. Start with the opposite. Write down everything you don't want. List everything you are sick and tired of and wish would stop or go away or change. Soon enough you'll be left with a pretty good map pointing you towards a better future.

Remember, you can still find north on a compass by facing south and then turning around 180 degrees.

Sometimes discontent is the first step in your progress.

To your good fortune!

James Victore's 3 Step Formula for Creative Fulfillment

Always outspoken and poignant, designer and educator James Victore typically ends his talks and video ravings with this simple triptych:

"Have an opinion, make work that matters, and love something other than yourself."

These three components form the basis for a happier, more fulfilled life in the creative arts. Let's brake them down individually.

1. Have an opinion.

As an artist of any type or medium, it is important that we develop a strong point of view and personal voice. Not a loud speaking voice, but an internal voice—as in "Here's me and this is what I have to say to the world."

We need to find our ground and then make a stand on it. And that starts with being honest and true with ourselves. Saying, "This speaks to me, I want to pursue it further." And also recognizing what is no longer speaking to us and doing away with it.

Our opinions should be our own. Not our parents or our peers or society or our industry. They should be strong and unflinching and unrepentant. A line in the sand.

This doesn't mean we need to become prima donnas or be difficult to work with. You can have an opinion and a point of view and still be pleasant.

2. Make work that matters.

Do work that feeds your soul, not just your belly. Yes, we all have bills to pay and mouths to feed. But where possible, earn your living doing work that speaks to you. Make work that makes the world a better place. Or a more beautiful place. Or a happier place.

Too many creatives spend their waking hours and creative energies doing shoddy, uninspired work that does nothing but help line the pockets of corporate fat cats.

Search out the studios, agencies, and companies that are in line with your values. They're not always easy to find, but they're out there. And if one is not available, start your own.

3. Love something other than yourself.

Victore is fond of saying that your work is a gift. To the world, to others, even to yourself. But a gift nonetheless. When you share your work—your gift—with the world, in essence you are saying, "I love you."

Give. Be generous. Contribute to something grander than just the small microcosm that is your life.

When we are in the thick of life, it is so easy to become bogged down in the day-to-day that we lose sight of the bigger picture. There is a big huge world outside our window. Be in it. Add to it. Share the love.

I've been working as a designer professionally for over 20 years now. And I've heard a lot of recipes for living a fulfilling life in the arts. But Victore's simple formula may be the best yet.

NOTE: And for a weekly dose of inspiration, be sure to check out Burning Questions on James' YouTube channel. He sometimes swears like a sailor, but it's awesome.

Fortune Friday: "You will receive unexpected support over the next week. Accept it graciously."

Perhaps one of the hardest lessons we humans will ever learn is how to accept help graciously. Being a grateful recipient often goes contrary to our ego-based drive for independence. No one I know likes to admit they need assistance from others now and again, if not regularly.

Years ago when my children were young, my wife and I found ourselves unemployed during Christmastime. We were broke and living with family. It sucked.

One evening, a neighbor stopped by and handed me a check for $1,000 dollars and instructed me to use it to give my family a happy Christmas and to pay some bills. He left saying, "When we were newly married, someone helped us out. Don't try to pay us back. Help someone else out instead."

I was speechless. To this day I still get teary-eyed just thinking about it.

Being the recipient of a gift—be it a present or money or time—stirs up all kinds of emotions. Not the least of which is the stress of reciprocation. The compulsion to repay a giver, to be "even," is strong. And this stress can be made worse especially when we feel we are not in a position to repay.

But I'd like you to consider the flip side to this scenario:

Being an ungracious recipient robs the giver. It robs them of their opportunity to be generous, helpful, and considerate. Most people love to give. They love to share and help and connect. They like to feel like they are contributing to something important, that they're making a difference.

When we rebuff their offering, we cheat them in a way. We cheat them out of their portion of the exchange. In our attempt to avoid what we perceive to be a lopsided transaction, we inadvertently create an imbalance.

The next time someone offers you support, considering seeing the situation from their perspective.

Honor their intentions—and their humanity—and accept their help graciously.

To your good fortune!

Be Your Own Best Client

If you've worked in the creative profession for any length of time you've probably encounter nightmare clients. Hopefully you've been able to weed them from your life. You know the type. The ones who demand premium quality work on an absurdly tight deadline, but don't want to pay top dollar.

Or worse, they nickel and dime the project to death, they miss client meetings and reschedule calls over and over. They are constantly changing the scope of the project or art directing it to death. Or, heaven forbid, all of the above.

What usually ends up is a steaming pile of mediocrity and an unhappy client.

They are toxic to our business and our soul. Sometimes we even need to fire them.

Any of this sound familiar?

We despise this kind of behavior in our clients, so why do we do tolerate these same antics with ourselves?

We want to produce high-caliber work, but rush to get it done—or settle for "good enough." We skimp on materials. We keep promising ourselves that we'll get to it tomorrow. We procrastinate over and over. We blow off studio time. We start one way, then change it, then change it back again. Or, heaven forbid, all of the above.

What usually ends up is a steaming pile of mediocrity and an unhappy artist.

Worse still, sometimes it gets personal. We ignore our loved ones. We ignore our health. We replace sleep with coffee—or worse.

Time we started being our own best client. And perhaps we have to begin by firing our old selves.

Fortune Friday: "Where one door closes, another will open."

Most of us have heard something similar to this phrase before. Thankfully, today's fortune is more than just a pleasant platitude. It is rooted in hard science.

We live in a world of opposites. Hot and cold, dark and light, hard and soft, straight and curved, good and evil. You get the picture. Where doors are concerned, we also have opposites—open and closed.

A closed door keeps objects from passing through it; an open door allows objects to pass through.

When we find ourselves in a desperate or less-than-desirous situation, it seems as though the doors of opportunity have slammed shut. We feel trapped, unable to pass through. Stuck in a box with no way out.

And it may very well be true.

But much of our situation hinges on which side of the door we are standing.

And also who is doing the closing.

If we are trying to exit a room and someone (or something) else closes the door on us, then we may experience those pangs of despair.

But what if we've just left a room and we are closing the door behind us? Same net result—a closed door and a closed off room—but with an entirely different outcome.

Joseph Campbell famously said, "We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us."

To often we are the ones refusing to shut the doors that are no longer serving us. Our so-called room—no matter how painful—feels comfortable to us. It is what we know. We are hesitant to leave it. We fear closing the door and blocking our safe retreat.

But the other side of the door is where opportunity lives—where our life is waiting for us.

Trust that when one door closes another will open.

To your good fortune!  

6 Degrees of Why

Most of us are familiar with the concept of six degrees of separation—the theory that any two individuals in the world are linked together by six steps or less.

For example, I am connected to Oprah Winfrey in five steps. Me to Brandon to Steve to Iyanla to Oprah. We'll skip the last names for now.

We can apply this same process to discovering our true motivation for anything we are or are not doing in our lives. Author and speaker, Steve Chandler, calls it the "reason behind the reason."

If we drill down deep enough—six times or so—we can discover our big Why.

Let's say you want a write a novel. Go through the steps:


Why #1: Why do you want to write a novel?
Answer: Because it would be cool to be a published author.

Why #2: Why do you want to be a published author?
Answer: Because it would be great to be recognized for my talents.

Why #3: Why is it important for you to be recognized for your talents?
 Answer: Because most of the time I feel overlooked and ignored.

Why #4: Why do you think you're overlooked and ignored?
 Answer: Because I don't stand up and take credit where it's due.

Why #5: Why don't you take credit for yourself?
Answer: Because you're not supposed to brag.

Why #6: Why do you think it's wrong to brag about yourself?
Answer: Because bragging is selfish.


Try this exercise for yourself. You may find that many of your surface goals are disguising a need for approval or acceptance—which is a fundamental lack of self-love and self-respect. And that often those are things you can give yourself, or that can be addressed directly.

In the example above, this would-be novelist may simply have an unconscious desire to be more self-assured and confident.

Now before all the haters start blasting away, I will say that sometimes we just want something because we want it. Period. For no good reason at all. That's fine too. Sometimes you want to write a novel because you love to write. It's fun to write. Cool. I get it.

Just try to be cognizant of the times you might be unconsciously trying to fool yourself.

And if you think there is something going on beneath the surface, ask yourself why.

At least six times.

Fortune Friday: "Next week, green is a lucky color for you."

The color green has long been associated with rebirth and renewal. The green leaves of summer fade and fall each autumn. The dormant branches of winter give way to the buds of spring. A continuous cycle of growth and decay, expansion and contraction.

But always the promise of life anew.

Where is green showing up in your life—if at all?

Are there some dead branches in your habits or thought patterns that could use some pruning? Could some detritus be cleared away to make way for fresh buds? Could you benefit from the professional help of a master gardener?

Do you have a hobby or activity you've neglected for a while? Do you have an idea for a book or a new business that needs dusting off?

Consider spending some time this week preparing space to welcome green into your life next week. You might just revive something long dormant.

I guarantee it will be beautiful.

To your good fortune!

Would You Pay What You Charge?

Many creative consultants—designers, developers, artists, musicians, writers, life coaches, trainers—advertise premium fees, while simultaneously trying to negotiate for lower rates from other service providers.

Is your logo design worth more than their video editing time?

And why then, are we shocked and irritated when our own customers do the same thing to us?

Sometimes, when a certain skill comes easy to us we undervalue it. Then we transfer that perception onto other experts.

To be clear, I am all for getting the best deal wherever possible. No sense throwing money away unnecessarily.

But when a service or product offers real value, be willing to pay real money for it.

Fortune Friday: "A cheerful message is on its way to you."

When I first read this fortune, I mistakenly thought it said, "A cheerful massage is on its way to you." My first thought was this was pretty racy for a fortune cookie. Then I chuckled out loud in the restaurant. Then multiple sets of eyes stared at me.

I just smiled at them and happily returned to my lunch.

My next thought was, "Maybe that was the cheerful message?"

Cue spooky theme music.

To your good fortune!

Be The Action, Not The Title

Our society often places a inordinately high value on titles—particularly so in business, academia, and politics. Chief this, Senior that, VP of such-and-such.

This preoccupation with titles can get in the way when it comes to doing our work and making our contribution to the world. Because the focus becomes not about the journey but the end result—the idea that we've "arrived."

But the end result is not always within our control. In his classic book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen R. Covey introduced the term Circle of Influence. Simply stated, it means to work on those things you have direct influence over, and don't worry about the things you can't control.

Actions over outcomes and titles.

Only time and public opinion will say you are a master, an artist. Instead, be a painter, a draftsman, a sculptor, a dancer.

Be a programmer or a business owner. Let society determine if you are a tech-entrepreneur startup wizard.

Stop chasing the dream of becoming a world-renowned author. Be a writer instead. Write.

When in doubt, follow Neil Gaiman's advice and, "Do what only you can do best. Make good art."

And here's the secret: If you focus on mastering the actions—making good art—for a long enough time, by and by the titles work themselves out.

Fortune Friday: "You will be fortunate in the opportunities presented to you."

They say that fortune favors the bold—that Fortuna, the goddess of luck, is more likely to help those who take risks or action.

Every circumstance in life presents us with the opportunity to choose our reaction or response. What we see as good or bad is open to interpretation. How we choose to react is up to us. We can decide to view everything—even things we would normally classify as trials or problems or as negative—as a fortunate opportunity.

A chance to shrink or grow. Contract or expand. Flee or fight. Run away or stand firm.

A chance to shine bright or flicker and fade away into darkness.

It is easy when things are going our way. The real test of our mettle is how we respond when life throws us a curveball.

Be bold. Be strong. Be fortunate.

To your good fortune!

Who Are You Writing For?

If you ask a typical business owner or marketer who their customer is they will likely reply, "Everyone." But we instinctively know that can't be true. When you try to be everything to everyone you end up pleasing nobody, because the pathway to the masses is usually paved with mediocrity.

This is even truer for writing. The best writing is personal, intimate. The non-fiction books and articles that appeal to me—that really draw me in and connect on a deeper level—are typically laced with personal stories and anecdotes. Or in the case of fiction, I can feel the authors soul and mind through their words.

So who are you writing for?

I recommend following Kurt Vonnegut's advice and write for one reader. Then speak to that person from your heart as you would in a one-on-one conversation.

Who do I write for?

I don't write for search engines, keywords, rankings, or page views. I don't care about linkbacks or shares or whatever. And that is the honest truth—you won't see any ads, affiliates, or endorsements on this site.

As self-centered as it may sound, I primarily write for myself. To inspire and encourage myself. Life as a creative professional can be daunting, frustrating, and lonely sometimes. It is not always the easiest path to tread—personally or commercially. These articles serve to bolster my resolve.

I also write for and to my two kids. I want to share with them what is in my heart. I want them to know what I think and how I feel. I want them to know my hopes and dreams and fears. I want them to live happy lives full of love and contentment. I want them to be courageous and hopeful—to boldly create the life of their dreams. I want them to avoid the pitfalls of complacency, to not settle. To not be blinded or misled by the worlds definition of success. To, in the words of Lawrence Olivier, "Amaze yourself with your own daring."

I want to show them a better way.

That is why I write this blog. I write it for them.

Who are your writing for?

Fortune Friday: "Try to channel excess energies into rejunvenation."

Self care is often mistaken for selfishness or self indulgence.

But, the greatest gift you can give to your family, loved ones, friends, neighbors, employer, community, and even the world is to become—and be—the best version of yourself possible.

Like they say, wherever you go, there you are. When there is more of "you" in you, there is more of you to spread around. More to give. More to uplift. More to serve and inspire. More to love.

The first rule of lifeguard training is that the lifeguard must protect her own safety above all us. Because an injured or (heaven forbid) dead lifeguard is no good to the person they're trying to help.

Be smart. Take a little time each day and channel your excess energies into rejuvenating and replenishing yourself.

You deserve it. And so do those you care about most.

To your good fortune!

A Good Reason To Watch Less TV

When I was in college I had an enormously prolific design professor. Not only was he dean of the department with all its accompanying meetings and responsibilities, he also taught a full course load each semester. On top of that he had his client work, freelance commissions, and personal projects. He also was active in his community and church and the father of ten children. Yes, ten.

I remember talking to him one time and remarking how amazing I found his level of production given his numerous responsibilities. I asked him the secret to his success.

Without hesitation he simply said, "Easy. I never watch television."

The typical American watches over 35 hours of television per week. That is an average of 5 hours per day. It is almost equivalent to an entire second week of work—every week.

If you were to reclaim just one of those 5 hours per day, you would have 365 additional hours to put towards writing your novel or starting your dream business or getting fit. That's over 9 work weeks. Imagine what you could accomplish with that time.

It is rarely true that we have a lack of time to accomplish our goals and pursue our dreams. It is really a lack of priority.

Fortune Friday: "You are a deep thinker with a knack for problem solving."

It often feels like society—or at least western culture—is becoming increasingly shallow. Our news and media are delivered in sound bites and 15-second clips. Our social interactions reduced to likes, emoticons, and 140-character blurbs. Personal appearance and getting our 15 minutes of fame seem more important that character, integrity, and good old fashioned hard work.

I know this is not a completely accurate picture. I am sure there are thousands, if not millions, of grounded folks out there. I'm just saying the trend seems to be swinging to the shallow end of the spectrum.

And the problem with a shallow society is that it breeds individuals with a shallow mentality. Me, me, me. Now, now, now. It breeds impatience, intolerance, and a lack of foresight—the kind of vision needed for fixing what ails humanity.

The solution is to go deep. Dive deep. Be deep.

Going deeper is a learnable skill. We all have the capacity to go deep. How often have you heard yourself say, "I'm just not creative," or "I don't have great ideas"? But how hard have you tried? Really. How many hours have you dedicated to solving your problems or to getting crystal clear on what you want from life? Be honest. Actual hours and minutes. 20 hours? 10, 5, 1? If you were a consultant and were billing time for deep thinking, how much could you honestly bill?

My guess is you're not going deep enough.

Most of us deal with our circumstances on a superficial level. We put Band-Aids on top of Band-Aids. Quick fixes that last just long enough until the problem resurfaces.

Go deep. Go medieval on your problems. Think long and hard. Give those problems the attention they deserve.

Persons of renown and respect are often described as having a depth of knowledge, or experience or character. They're deep. They have layers. Are you developing adequate depth in your life, relationships, or career?

To your good fortune!

3 Reasons Why The Law Of Attraction Does Not Work

Several years ago as I was starting out on my quest for personal improvement, a friend introduced me to a movie called The Secret. This was the first time I had ever heard of the Law of Attraction. I was enthralled and intrigued. And shortly thereafter I set about making a mental checklist of all the new, shiny things I wanted to attract into my life. I drank the Kool-Aid. Every last delicious drop.

A few weeks later I was having a lunchtime discussion with some coworkers and one of them said, quite curtly, "That crap doesn't work."

Being the newly-enlightened soul that I was, I chalked up their statement to ignorance—or just being a sour grump who was failing to get what they wanted out of life.

Later I came to see that maybe they were right all along. The Law of Attraction does not work—at least not in the way most people think it is supposed to. Here are three reasons why:

Reason 1: Ignoring the Law of the Harvest

The Law of the Harvest simply states that you reap what you sow. Plant the seed, eat the fruit. It's all about action. You gotta get your hands dirty. Prepare the soil. Dig the hole. Plant the seed. Water it. Give it sunlight. Keep the weeds at bay. Protect it from bugs and birds and animals. Give it time. Wait. Be patient. Let it grow.

The problem with LOA enthusiasts is that they tend to gloss over the action portion of the equation. Too much focus is placed on the thinking and feeling portions of the Law. No doubt these are vitally important components, but without action the Law simply does not work.

Reason 2: Using it as a tool for acquisition

Most people who discover TLOA use it as a tool of acquisition. Like I did, they start making lists of all the cool things they'd like to bring into their lives. This is not all bad. Having goals and aspirations is a good thing. It gives us hope and confidence.

The Law of Attraction is better used as a tool for recognition. We all know the brain is great at filtering for what we want to see. When my wife was pregnant with our son, I started seeing pregnant women everywhere who had previously gone unnoticed. Similar to the Pygmallion Effect, our circumstances tend to rise and fall to the expectations we place on them. If we expect good things, good opportunities find a way of presenting themselves.

Dr. Wayne Dyer is fond of saying, "When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." We can train our minds to recognize opportunities which we can capitalize on by our actions.

Reason 3: It stifles creativity and creation

Attraction by its definition implies that there is something outside of us that we need to bring toward us. That something is missing. It discounts the high capacity for creation that exist within us all.

When a Hollywood blockbuster is described as "action-packed" we envision chases, fight scenes, explosions. Lots of continuous movement, scene to scene to scene.

Creation equals life. Nature is constantly creating and reinventing itself. Growing, adapting, moving. To achieve or get what we desire, our lives should also move. They should be action-packed. Packed full of action.

Even better, they should be "action-pact." We can make a conscious deal—a pact—with the Universe to act upon any opportunity or inspiration that crosses our path. I have a friend who is a landscape painter. He has found tremendous success following this formula. He says, "I commit to doing the work, and I ask God to keep blessing me with fresh ideas." Sounds action-pact to me.

In conclusion, does the Law of Attraction work? No and yes—but only when used properly. Keep planting seeds. Keep your eyes and ears open. Follow through.

That is how you attract what you want in life.

Fortune Friday: "Your dearest wish will come true."

In business they say what gets measured, gets done. What you focus on gets accomplished. Our dearest wishes are no different.

Our actions reflect our priorities. What we choose to spend our time on is a mirror of our true desires. Want to know how committed someone is to something? Just look at their results. Results don't lie.

Literally what is already done—what exists in current reality—is proof of what you were committed to.

Remember, every system is absolutely perfect for generating its current results. Every system.

For example, are you financially broke? Look at the internal and external systems in your life. Really look at them. Are you treating your money in a way that promotes prosperity? Are you languishing in a dead end job because it is comfortable or you're too lazy or scared to change? Have you let your skills lapse?

Congratulations! You have a perfect system in place to keep you broke.

Are you overweight and out of shape? Again, look at your systems. Eating junk while laying on the couch at 2 o'clock in the morning?

Congratulations! You have a perfect system in place for generating flab.

Sure, some people have genetics that predispose them to being overweight. But in a twisted way, that system too is perfect for the results it is generating.

Change the system, change the result.

Want your dearest wishes to come true? Abandon your current systems that are keeping your wishes from coming to pass. Create new systems that are conducive to the results you  desire.

Then analyze your level of commitment. Real commitment, when understood and applied, creates miracles. Because real commitment breeds certainty.

What you truly commit to—not wishy-washy wanting, but real commitment—is, in effect, already done. When you truly commit to something it is as if that thing is already done. It is just waiting for time and circumstance to catch up.

Change your systems. Get committed. And your dearest wish will come true.

To your good fortune!

Navigate Life Using Your Inner Compass

When you want to get somewhere in life—literally or figuratively—you have two basic options. You can follow a map or you can follow a compass. Both are excellent tools for the job, but one method will yield more of the results you seek. We will discuss both options.

The Map Option

Using a map seems like the obvious choice. It is efficient and takes advantage of known routes and  landmarks. It lays out a path from point A to point B. Terrific if you are driving from Los Angeles to New York City or outlining the necessary steps to becoming a doctor, but not so great when you're trying to follow your heart dreams.

You see, maps have an inherent drawback: they are only as accurate as the data collected to make them, and as the person making the map.

So what do you do if you want to go somewhere where no one has ever been before?

The Compass Option

A compass does one thing. And it does it really well. It points north. That's it. It points north all day, every day, 24/7. Never wavering.

North. North. North. Still north. North. And north. Let's see...north. North. Yep, north.

If I want to travel from Mexico to Canada, all I need to do is follow the compass and eventually I will get there. Now, I may have no idea of which roads to take, which exits or turns to take. The compass may lead me over mountains, across streams, or through fields. The path may be smooth and easy in parts and perilous and difficult in others. But so long as I follow the heading, I will get there.

So it is with our life and our dreams.

You can choose to follow a map laid out by someone else. And sometimes that can be useful. But in the end it isn't YOUR map. And heaven forbid if you choose a wrong map—especially one not aligned with your values.

Better instead to open up your inner compass. Decide what your true north is. Look at where your heart wants to go. See where your needle is pointing and start moving in that direction. It might not be the smoothest path and the journey may take longer than you expect, but if you keep stepping you will eventually get to where you truly want to be.

Note: This concept was illustrated to me by coach and author Ali Campbell at a recent workshop he put on with Michael Neill. A lot of great insights were shared that evening.

Fortune Friday: "You are soon going to change your present line of work."

When we say we are going to change, or are in the process of changing, our line of work, we are usually referring to some broad, sweeping, and sometimes drastic, career shift. A whole new direction. A total rework. From plumber to chef, or from accountant to high school gym teacher.

The word line has many meanings. One definition is a connected series of military fieldworks or defenses facing an enemy force. As in "he was trapped behind enemy lines." These defenses include trenches, berms, pickets, razor wire, tank traps, fox holes, sand bags.

All with one purpose: to keep the enemy out—or at least at bay.

So how can we apply this to our work? And by work I am referring less to our day to day jobs (although it is certainly applicable there as well) and more to our personal creative work. Our gifts to the world. Our art, however we define it—be it writing, paintings, music, dance, teaching, craftsmanship, personal connection, etc.

How do we keep the enemy out?

How do we keep the enemy at bay?

How do we safeguard our time, our process, and our intention against forces that would seek to destroy or impede our progress?

Understand, not all forces are malicious. Sometimes the 'enemy' (and I use the term very lightly here) has really good intentions. It means well and is sincere. Sometimes it comes disguised as family commitments, PTA meetings, children's soccer games, and school fundraisers. Other times it shows up as piles of laundry, yard work, late night runs to the grocery store, or a really intriguing new show on TV. Social media and never-ending news feeds. Yes, even this blog.

True, some things in life need to be addressed. I'm not talking about shirking responsibility in the almighty name of art. But we do not need to address all of them, all of the time, with all of our attention, effort, and focus.

We can choose to draw a line in the sand. We can protect our creations and provide a safe haven where they can nurture and grow.

When I was younger, my 'line of work' was to say yes to every request from everyone. I would say yes to freelance design jobs I really didn't want to do because I wanted the money. I was so afraid of saying no because I feared that if I did I would never get another gig again.

My line was weak. The enemy could sneak past the perimeter at will. And hundreds of well-intentioned ideas and projects now lay dead on the battlefield, face down in the mud.

For me, changing my line of work was learning to say no more often. Learning to listen to my gut and politely saying "No thank you." Learning to stay true to my values and desires and dreams.

And you know what? The phone still rings, the jobs still keep coming in. Better opportunities show up. I honestly believe that when you are willing to empty your cup you create space to receive.

Is it time you changed your 'line' of work?

To your good fortune!

How To Get Clarity

As a followup to my previous article about the power that comes from clarity, I wanted to share one of my favorite and drop-dead simple quotes from hip marketing chick Marie Forleo. She says:

"Clarity comes from engagement, not thought."

If you're anything like me you spend a lot of time up in your head weighing pros and cons, making lists, and doing risk management analysis. Whatever it takes (or so you think) to avoid failing and "guarantee" success. But these acts rarely get you where you want to go. Don't get me wrong, having a plan—even a mediocre one—is usually better than no plan at all. But at some point the rubber has to meet the road. You're gonna have to get your hands dirty and DO something. Anything. Even if it is little.

Any action trumps no action.

From my own experience, I guarantee that if you are feeling stuck in your life it is because you are over thinking and under acting.

So get out there. And move. Whatever it is, take one small action today that will move you in the direction of where you want to go. You may just find that small action leads to bigger ones. It primes the pump, so to speak.

One of the definitions of engagement is an arrangement to do something or go somewhere at a fixed time. Kind of like a date. So make a date with yourself. Carve out some space. Set a time to work on your dreams. Hold that time sacred and be willing to say no to distractions or other requests, even so-called obligations and have tos.

When you act, you get clear. When you get clear, you can change your life. When you change your life, you change the world.

Stop thinking. Start moving. Clear enough?

Fortune Friday: "Great thoughts come from the heart."

When it comes to making decisions, people typically gravitate towards one of three decision-making systems: the head, the heart, or the gut. Or perhaps it is more accurate to say people tend to trust or rely on one of these feedback mechanism over another—usually as a result of long-term use. Over time they've grown accustomed to the method which seems to serve them best.

Some people, including myself, place more emphasis on the head. Giving more weight to reason, logic, data, rationale. This is the source of To-Do lists and Pro-Con sheets. Heaven knows I love me a detailed plan.

Some favor the heart. They base their decisions on their emotions and how they feel.

Others, still, follow their gut. Neither the head nor the heart, but something instinctual. A visceral sensation in the body. They can't explain it with reason or passion. It just is.

None of this is new news.

So why take the time to outline it?

Because what if—and this is a big what if—none of these methods are the real source of our "knowing"? What if it is something outside ourselves and bigger than we can imagine.

When you get down to it, anatomically speaking, neither head nor heart nor gut makes much sense as a decision-making instrument. After all, all three are essentially nothing more than a collection of tissue and fluids and nerves.

So what then is the source of our knowing?

Philosophers, theologians, and even many hard-core scientists have ascribed this phenomenon to the "soul of man." The idea that somehow, somewhere, the Universe or God or Spirit or whatever name we call our higher power, breathed into us something beyond the sum of the head, heart, and gut.

Personally, I believe at our core we are divinity in human form. And as such we have access to power and insight and creativity and personal revelation the likes of which we can hardly fathom. A virtual treasure trove of possibilities just waiting for our attention.

So how do we get the Universe's attention?

We just have to be still. And it that stillness, listen.

Great thoughts come from the heart?

Do they, really? I wonder.

To your good fortune!

The Power of Clarity

Getting really, really clear about what you want—what you want to do, be or have—is crucial to making it actually happen.

Some decisions or moments of clarity happen in an instant. And by all means we should act on those if it right for us. But more often than not, getting clear requires time and space to let your thoughts mature and distill. To allow the truth to bubble up to the surface. Don't be afraid to give your thoughts the time they need. You don't have to rush it.

In fact, when we feel an urgent need to figure things out, that is when we probably need to slow down the most.

So why is clarity so important?

Here is a simple formula I have cobbled together over the past few months:

Clarity breeds change.
Change breeds commitment.
Commitment breeds certainty.
Certainty breeds creation.
Creation breeds the world.

When you get really clear about what you want, the desire to change increases. We feel the urge to level up our lives. We see the path, the possibilities, the light at the end of the tunnel. It fires up our drive to grow.

That fire to change fuels our goals, objectives, and our daily rituals. We get committed. We make, and keep, commitments. All of them. All the time. We keep and honor our promises—particularly to ourselves. We become our word. Patterns emerge. Our life begins to take on a theme.

That unwavering commitment builds trust in ourselves and buoys our self worth. We see what we are capable of. We begin to experience our real power to affect change. This knowledge grows into an immovable stone, a solid bedrock foundation upon which we can build and rely. We become sure. We become certain. We know through personal experience that we can speak into existence what we choose. Always. Never doubting.

This is real power.

This is how ordinary people like you and me change the world.

That is the power of clarity. 

Summer Vacation Extended

My month-long sabbatical in June was so refreshing—and exactly what the doctor ordered. Taking a much-needed break allowed me the space to really start clearing my head about where I want to take this blog, and my life, next.

In fact, I have been enjoying myself so much that I not only carried my break well into July (obviously), but I have decided to carry it through the end of summer.

Yes, you heard that right. I am giving myself the gift of extreme self-care. I am giving myself permission to be completely and utterly selfish. I am choosing to love myself enough to heed my spirit and inner voice—a voice that is telling me in no uncertain terms that it is not quite time to come back.

And I am totally cool with it. I'm not concerned at all about stats, traffic, page views, or whatever.

If this blog falls to zero in the next month and a half, so be it. The voice has spoken.

For all of you still reading, I hope this finds you happy and well—and I hope you too are trusting your own inner compass to guide you where to go next.

Much love. --Randy

One Month Sabbatical From Writing: I'm Taking June Off

To all my regular readers, you know how much I love writing, word play, and exploring new ways of thinking and showing up in the world. So much so, that I have published a new article—140 to be exact—every Tuesday and Friday since February 2013.

That is a lot of posts, a lot of words, and a whole lot of my heart and soul poured into these pages. I have "gone to the well" of inspiration and dipped over and over again. So for the first time in 16 months, I am taking my own advice and giving myself permission to take a much-needed break—time to allow the well to refill. For that purpose, I am choosing to take a sabbatical from writing for the month of June.

The word sabbatical comes from the same root as sabbath, or a day of rest. Typically, professors are granted a sabbatical every seven years to travel, study, and refocus. I will likewise do the same. Aside from some family activities and a week-long camping trip, I have a pile of unread books I have been eager to get to.

I told myself when I started this blog that if it stopped being fun or started to feel like an obligation, I would stop writing it. And so far it has been a blast. But as a 20-year veteran of the arts, I know all too well the telltale signs of creative burnout. And in the last few weeks, I have noticed my energy dropping a bit.

I always want to give you my best effort, to provide something of real worth. I look forward to returning with renewed vigor and an increase in commitment and intention. I look forward to delivering even more value to you.

I love writing. I love writing for you.

That all said, please let me say this: THANK YOU!

Thank you for joining me on this grand adventure towards a better, more fulfilling life. I sincerely hope what you have read here has helped and inspired you in some way.

Thank you so much for reading. I'll see you all back here in a few weeks.

Fortune Friday: "You will succeed in whatever calling you adopt."

They say there is a first time for everything and today is no exception. For the first time in almost a year and a half, I got a duplicate fortune in my lunch today. It is very similar to one I wrote about over a year ago—albeit the wording is slightly different.

That said, I still want to address this topic for a couple reasons. First, I am not the same person (or writer for that matter) as I was a year ago. No one is. Second, I have a newer perspective on what it means to pursue your passion and follow a calling.

A common misconception—especially among those in the personal development realm—is that your life's calling will come to you. That one day you'll be sitting around and the Fates or angels or the Muse will come tapping on your shoulder and reveal to you what your purpose and mission in life is.

In fact, the opposite it true.

Your calling doesn't find you. You find it.

And finding your calling does not have to be some laborious, Outback walkabout, vision quest, high-on-a-mountain-top kind of experience. It can be much, much simpler. You can simply choose your calling—much like you would select your favorite box of cereal in the grocery store isle.

Walk down the isle. See what looks appealing. Grab it, put it in your shopping cart, and take it home. Taste it. Is it delicious? Eat some more! Is it just so-so? Go back to the store and pick another box.

It is really that simple. Sure, the necessary steps for mastery and implementation still follow. In some cases, these steps may take years. And yes, you'll have to ignore the sunk cost of those previous "boxes" that were no good. But selecting a calling it fairly straightforward. You start by choosing. Then you begin the steps to bring it into being. You experiment, collect data and feedback, and then reassess and reformat. Some of your actions will bring you closer—do more of those. Some of your actions will take you further away—pick a new course of action and move forward. Repeat. As often as needed.

Now, you might say to me, "My calling is to be a starter in the NBA." Is this true? Honestly, I don't know. Only you can answer that for you. But what I do know is that each step will take you further down the path towards your calling—or away from it towards something new which IS true for you.

So pick something. Anything. Literally anything. Then follow your internal and external feedback. Move forward, course correct. Move forward, course correct. If you're fortunate you may get it right the first time. For some of you it may take multiple tries. But try anyway.

One final thing: It is possible to have multiple callings in your lifetime.

What worked for you and spoke to you in your twenties may no longer be applicable in your forties. That is totally okay. You will not be the same person then as you are now. I know I'm not. And to be honest, that is a relief. The twenty-something me was kind of clueless and I have no desire to go back. It is also exciting to know that 1, 5, 10, 20 years from now I can adopt still another calling.

Life is a grocery isle with myriad choices. Eat up!

To your good fortune!

Navigate By Negatives

When pursuing goals, most people look for specific, positive markers to let them know they are on the right path. These include sales figures, customer opt-ins, page views, positive email responses, Likes, productive lunch meetings, pounds lost, improved race times, etc. This positive feedback can be critical to the success of their endeavor. Not only is this data helpful, it also encourages them to push forward and move ahead.

But we can also learn to navigate by the presence of negatives. Most goals and projects are met with some degree of opposition, push back, or skepticism. None of this is inherently negative, but simply the nature of the beast. And this seems even more amplified when we embark on doing something big. If you don't believe me, just try it. Come up with any great or potentially world-changing idea and I guarantee the trolls and haters will come pouring out of the woodwork.

And this is a good thing.

Steven Pressfield, author of many books including The War of Art, speaks to the level of Resistance being in direct proportion to presence of importance. The greater the goal, the bigger the Resistance.

So when you find yourself coming up against obstacles and opposition—and you will—you can use these as guideposts to let you know you are on the right track. 

Fortune Friday: "Nothing is so much to be feared as fear."

Ask anyone what is stopping them from pursuing the life of their dreams, or changing careers mid-life, or following a less-conventional path, and they will probably answer 'fear.' Fear has killed more brilliant novels, beautiful paintings, life-altering technologies, and fairytale romances, than war has killed people. Okay, maybe not quite that many, but fear has squashed a great many would-be amazing things.

And I truly believe that. I could literally list off dozens, if not hundreds, of art projects, new business concepts, book ideas, and career alternatives that I never did anything about because I was afraid. Afraid of failing. Afraid of looking stupid. Afraid of being alone. Afraid of going bankrupt. Afraid of ridicule. Afraid of hitting rock bottom and having to start over from scratch.

Fear ruled my world.

I've played my life very safe. In fact, so safe that I've never risked anything substantial. And consequently, I've never won anything substantial either. I've remained cooly in the middle, never failing, but never really winning either. I missed out on or purposely turned down a lot of opportunities and experiences that could have really enriched my life.

Don't get me wrong, I have had a really nice life and I am grateful for a great many things. I've had good jobs, good friends and family, and good memories. Truly.

But good is the enemy of great.

And good just isn't good enough for me anymore. The older I get, the more I want out of life. Not just things or stuff or possessions—although those things are certainly nice—but a higher level of living. I crave more. More quality of life. More personal time to be creative. More flexibility and ability to direct my life as I choose. More fulfillment. More contribution. More doing stuff that matters, that helps the world.

I used to believe that wanting more meant I was ungrateful for what I had. But I don't think that anymore. I want more. No apologies, no explanations. Just more.

There is a strange correlation between fear and aging. It has a polarizing effect. People either grow increasingly fearful and pursue 'safety' (usually through acquiring or stockpiling wealth) to the exclusion of nearly everything, or they grow increasingly carefree and apathetic.

And not apathetic in a I'm-giving-up-on-life sort of way.

But more of a I-am-too-old-and-too-tired-to-care-what-anyone-thinks-anymore.

I have certainly found this to be true. The older I get, the less I care about caring. Faced with the diminishing number of days left in my one, precious life, I have grown more and more impatient with the idea of coasting into mediocre old age. If you are fine with it, God bless. I wish you peace and contentment.

But I want more.

Life is too short to be afraid all the time.

To your good fortune!

Play Small To Win Big

If you listen long enough to the success gurus out there, you'll hear things like "you're not playing big enough" or "you're thinking too small!" And a lot of the time they are right. Small mindedness and inaction are Wonder Twin powers of dream killing.

But sometimes in our effort to "take the world by storm" and "10X" our lives, something anti-productive occurs: Overwhelm. Sometimes we aim so big and so far that the gap between where we are and where we want to be becomes unfathomably large. We set goals so huge they drown our spirit and shut us down. The distance needed to travel feels so big we can't even wrap our heads around it. So we abandon it. We stop. We give up.

And that is assuming, of course, that we even started at all.

Yes, there is a time and a place for thinking big and taking massive action. But if you're not to that place yet it your personal journey, consider approaching your goals and dreams from the opposite direction. Try playing small, or at least smaller.

Jonathan Kozol wisely said, "Choose battles big enough to matter and small enough to win."

Pick goals worthy of your best efforts, but small enough to be attainable. Preferably quickly. Because each successive victory will spur you on—it will give you the energy and enthusiasm to continue moving forward boldly and nobly.

Recently, I went on a camping trip to the Little Sahara Sand Dunes in Utah. The desert views and sunsets were spectacular. The sand was soft and fine—almost like baby powder. But what really caught my attention were these little sand beetle tracks, crisscrossing in all directions. They were everywhere. Some of them went for hundred of yards. These tiny bugs made tremendous journeys one little step at a time.

What if your new mantra was "You're not thinking SMALL enough. You're playing too BIG"? How would your world change from that new perspective? How would that affect your choices and actions? What would you do different?

Give it a try. If it doesn't work, you can always go back to the old way.

Fortune Friday: "Magic time is created when an unconventional person comes to stay."

Unconventional is defined as not based on or conforming to what is generally done or believed. In other words, something considered unconventional operates contrary to the collective, opposite to the group mindset. A convention—a way in which something is usually done—is also used to describe a large meeting or conference for people with similar interests, professions, or agendas. Like Comic-Con or dentist conferences or the Republican National Convention. It is human nature to want to surround ourselves with like-minded people. We love our tribe. They make us feel safe and comfortable.

But the real magic is created when we step into the realm of uncertainty, when we explore new horizons and boldly go where we have not gone before. If we just continue to do as we have always done, we'll get what we've always got. We grow by expanding beyond our comfort zone. And make no mistake, our lives are either in a state of expansion or contraction. We are only progressing or regressing, growing or shrinking. There is no neutral, stale ground. We may think we are the same old us we've always been, but we're fooling ourselves if we believe that.

Real magic—not illusion or deceit or false facade—is created. It is new. It comes into the material world from the formless, from Spirit, from "out of the blue." It is not a rehash of something already in existence. It is not a metaphysical mash-up. Creation, in all its glory, is magical. Like when I step back from a drawing I've just completed and think, "Wow, that is not what I started out to do, but it's better."

Real magic also comes from inside. It is inside each and every one of us. Sometimes it is dormant—often for years or decades—but it is in there. We just need to wake it up. Shake it and arouse it from its slumber. And we do that by being unconventional and stepping out of our daily norm. We need to invite our unconventional selves to stay for a visit, perhaps indefinitely.

Create some magic in your life. Be unconventional. Be you.

To your good fortune!

Spread Your Wings And Fly

Today I'd like to share one of my favorite stories. It really speaks to how I have been feeling inside lately, and always motivates me to expand my vision and horizons—to remember who I am and to always dream bigger. Here goes.

One day a naturalist was driving past a farm when he noticed a baby eagle in the chicken pen, pecking and clucking like a chicken. The naturalist approached the farmer and inquired as to how the baby eagle had come to reside on the farm. The farmer explained that he had found the baby eagle alone and shivering in the cold on the forest ground, its mother nowhere in sight—and that he had decided to take it home and raise it among his other birds.

The naturalist understood the farmer's good intentions, but was concerned for the baby eagle's development. "Would you mind if I tried a little experiment?" asked the naturalist.

"Go right ahead," said the farmer.

The naturalist picked up the baby eagle and climbed up a nearby ladder. He held the bird out and said, "You are an eagle, spread your wings and fly!"

The naturalist released the baby eagle. The bird flapped and fluttered to the ground, and commenced again to peck and cluck. Still determined, the naturalist again scooped up the young bird and climbed to the top of the barn hay loft. He stood near the open doors, held out the bird, and again said, "You are an eagle, spread your wings and fly!"

And once again, the baby eagle flapped and fluttered to the ground, and commenced pecking and clucking.

The naturalist frowned. He turned to the farmer. "Would you permit me one more try?" asked the naturalist.

"Go right ahead," said the farmer, "but that baby eagle thinks it is a chicken now."

The naturalist picked up the young bird, climbed into his truck, and drove to the top of the nearest mountain. He took the bird to the edge of the cliff and held it out to see the valley below and the sun and clouds above. For the third time, the naturalist said, "You are an eagle, spread your wings and fly!"

And with that, the baby eagle soared into the horizon.

*****

Never ever forget who you are. You are not a chicken, meant to peck and cluck your way through life.

You belong among the mountaintops. You are an eagle. Act like one.

Spread your wings and fly.

Fortune Friday: "You think that is a secret, but it never has been one."

As a whole, people, myself included, spend an inordinate amount of time keeping up appearances. We overly concern ourselves with how we look physically for sure, but even more pervasive is how much time and effort we put into sugar-coating and varnishing our personality. We are so desperate for approval or love of our persona. We so badly want to be liked. Seriously, who doesn't? I know I do.

But this desire for acceptance can come at a cost. The amount of effort it takes maintaining our facades can be exhausting. We spend so much time polishing our veneer to the perfect sheen. But while we're busy polishing, we lose out on connecting with those who truly matter. True friends love you because of your faults, not in spite of them.

What if we learned to love and accept ourselves exactly as we are—warts and all? What if we concerned ourselves more we how we thought about us, and less than what our neighbor thinks. What if instead of trying to keep up with the Joneses, we gauged our personal progress against ourselves? Am I a better person today than I was a year ago?

And here's the real secret: that thing you've been hiding from the world—that thing you think makes you not good enough—it's not secret at all. We've all known. For years.

A high school friend of mine agonized for years about publicly coming out of the closet. He dreaded telling his parents. When he finally decided to tell them, he was nervous and apprehensive. After he told them he was gay they replied, "Yeah, so? We've known for years."

So many things we desperately try to hide from the world. We think we have all these flaws that make us weird or unlovable or an outcast. But it is our oddities and our quirks that make us uniquely us. Embrace who you are. Accept and love that you are exactly as you were created to be—whether the world likes it or not. Know in your heart that God does not make mistakes.

Stop hiding. Stop covering. Stop deflecting. What you think is a big secret, probably isn't.

To your good fortune!

The Unexamined Life

Socrates once said, "The unexamined life is not worth living." This may or not be accurate. But this much I believe is true, that the unlived life is not worth examining.

This quote is not mine. I did not write it. And I have been unable to definitively attribute it to any specific author. But it has always been a favorite of mine. So whoever you are, wherever you are, and whenever you wrote it...thank you!

Fortune Friday: "You will conquer obstacles to achieve success."

Conquer is such an imposing word, usually connoting force and power and aggressiveness. And if obstacles are standing between you and the success you hope to achieve, then some good old-fashioned blunt force trauma would seem the appropriate plan of action. Tear down those walls. Pound those impediments to bits. Break through those pesky hedgerows. Hulk smash!

Makes sense right?

The problem with the storm-the-beachhead assault mentality is that it can become exhausting to maintain. Like Sisyphus rolling the stone up the hill day after day, continually trying to pound away at obstacles get really old, really fast.

So what is a better approach?

Turn it into a game. Make it fun. Gamify it. In fact, conquer comes from the Latin conquirere which means to gain or win. Doesn't that sound a lot more enjoyable than sludging through the proverbial mud trying to beat our obstacles into submission?

I know it does for me. I know myself well enough to know that as soon as something becomes a chore to me, my motivation quickly dissipates. Even if it is something I really want, the minute it begins to feel like a 'have to' instead of a 'want to' my interest starts to wane.

Better (for me at least) to make a game of it. Figure out ways to keep score, to tally points, to keep it light and fun. Throw some mini-rewards in there. Yes, I understand that not all tasks or goals are inherently enjoyable. In fact, some of them downright suck. But it is the way we approach them that can make all the difference. We can bring a higher mindset to the task. We can figure out ways to turn it into a game. The obstacle may not be fun in the standard sense, but it can be fun nonetheless.

When we switch our conquering mentality from overcoming to winning, the path to success becomes a much easier—not to mention pleasurable—road to travel.

To your good fortune!

Why Do You Want A Million Dollars?

If you were to ask the average person how much money in the bank would make their life better, the typical response would be "a million dollars". That is the magical number that has been proffered for years as the gateway to early retirement and care-free living. Given inflation, these days that number is probably closer to two million.

But we're not here to talk financial strategy. We're here to examine the motivation behind the money. Because when we think of money, we're not thinking about literal piles of cash. We all know there isn't a locked vault at the bank with our name on it filled with neat stacks of currency, right? Our bank balances are nothing more than an ordered system of ones and zeroes in a computer.

So what about having a million dollars is so appealing? What is it we are truly after—what is at the source of our pursuit of material wealth?

I think it comes down to two basic things: Ability and security.

ABILITY

We don't really want—unless you're Charles Foster Kane—a roomful of money. What you want is the things and experiences that money can give you. Money is a great medium for the exchange of goods and services and is a lot easier than carrying around chickens or sacks of grain to barter.

But there are many experiences (and things) that can be had for next to no cost, if not free. A long walk in the park might go more towards mending a flagging relationship than a vacation trip to Tahiti.

SECURITY

This is the one that comes up the most, particularly during difficult economic times. We think that if we can build our castle walls high enough, we can keep the dragons at bay—we can be safe. So we desperately try to acquire as many goods and financial reserves as we can.

Sure, a lot of problems can be solved by simply throwing money at them. Sufficient food, shelter and clothing are very real issues for many people. But you don't need a million dollars to fix that.

Security is an illusion. It isn't real.

I could stockpile millions of dollars in my bank account and tomorrow I could be run over by a bus and all my so-called security would be for nothing. Yes, we can safeguard against a lot of things, but total security is a myth. No one is ever completely safe.

For those in the first world, security is less about physical protection and more about internal feelings. We use our bank balance as a mental pacifier to regulate our anxiety and stress. Human beings like to feel in control of their universe. But just watch the evening news and you know how futile that is.

We think we want security, but what we want is capability.

We want to know and feel—deep down in our core—that we have what it takes when the crap comes down. And that feeling of capability is something you can give yourself. In fact, you already have it. It is inside you, it is innate. It is part of your God-given DNA.

The very fact that you are alive and breathing is proof that you have weathered everything this world has thrown at you thus far. You are infinitely more capable and resourceful than you give yourself credit for. And ultimately that is the best form of security you can have.

And you don't need a million dollars to get it.

Fortune Friday: "Tomorrow is a good day for trying something new."

I love tomorrow. Every tomorrow is a new day, bringing with it the promise of a fresh start, a reboot, a do-over, a chance to begin anew.

Because tomorrow is tomorrow, it does not exist yet. So literally anything we do tomorrow will be something new. And for as long as we have a tomorrow, we have a never-ending supply of opportunities to try again.

Today not go so well for you? Tomorrow could turn out better.

Did tomorrow turn out even worse? Tomorrow might turn out better.

Got a little snippy at your partner today? Tomorrow is a chance to begin fresh.

Put off creating in favor of watching reruns? Tomorrow you can start over.

Slept in and skipped the gym this morning? Tomorrow you can attack it again with renewed vigor.

It is so easy to fall into the all-or-none trap—the "well if I can't do it perfectly, I'm not going to do it at all" syndrome. For get all that. Yesterday is done. In the past. Gone. Lost to the ether forever. You can't get it back so just let it go.

Tomorrow is new—a good day to try again.

To your good fortune!

Think Outside Your Box

The path to innovation and success, so we're told, is thinking outside of the box. But which box specifically—where is it exactly and how do we go about thinking outside of it? Might I suggest that you start with that box that sits squarely atop your shoulders.

That's right. The box is not out there in some mythical, hard-to-reach location. The box is you. You are your own box. It is inside you, inside your head.

You need to step outside of it. You need to get out of your own mind—just for a little while.

Observe it objectively from afar. Be your own fly on your own wall. Be curious, ask your box lots of questions like the 4 Questions Byron Katie uses in The Work.

And when you've asked those questions, ask some more. New thinking is best stimulated by asking questions. Because if you already knew the answers you were seeking there would be no need to think about it in the first place.

I know that seems like kind of a "duh" statement. Because it is. But I am constantly amazed how people continually return to their old, finite, existing patterns of thought when they are in search of new answers to new problems.

News flash: You won't find the answers there.

Albert Einstein said it best when he said, "We can not solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them."

If Einstein's statement is true, then we need to access a new or higher level of thinking in order to find the solutions we seek. Aside from asking questions (as we discussed earlier) I would suggest two additional methods for thinking outside of the box.

First, get help. Two heads are better than one, as they say. So go out and enlist the aid of someone whose opinion you trust. Let them ask questions. Observe them observing you observing yourself. Zoom out. Go wide. Open up to the possibility of something never before seen.

Second, be willing to abandon anything and everything you have previously believed in order to create space for something new. Empty your cup, as Bruce Lee would say. Remember, nature abhors a vacuum—it will rush in to fill the void in your mind. What comes flooding in will usually be the answers you are looking for.

Think outside your box. Let go of what you think you know. You just might be amazed and what you find.

Fortune Friday: "Get your mind set... Confidence will lead you on."

Most of us would agree that having the proper mindset is critical to achieving success in this world, however we choose to define it. Sports psychologists talk about being in the "zone" or in the state of "flow." Do an internet search for "positive mental attitude" and you will get 8 million results. In business, athletics, the arts, and life in general, having and maintaining the right mindset is crucial.

Usually we equate mindset with getting our thoughts into the right position or place—to focus. Like when your coach yells at you to "get your head in the game!"

And this approach seems to work—at least for a little while. But often that focus fades when the pressure to perform is gone. Out of sight out of mind. Granted, it is difficult if not impossible to maintain peak levels of "game on" mindset all the time. Our brains need downtime. Too much being "on" and our minds go to mush.

So instead of trying to maintain this elevated state of mind, what if we tried a different approach?

What if we do like the fortune says and get our mind set. One of the definitions for set is to harden into a solid or semisolid state; as in making Jell-O salad, or putting curlers in ones hair, or pouring cement.

What if we hardened our thoughts—made them more resolute and solid and thick? No longer wishy-washy, vague, or subject to mood, whim, or circumstance.

In other words, we made a commitment via decision. A commitment that once made would eliminate our need to repeatedly try and get (back) into the right mindset. We could run on a virtual mindset autopilot—always on, always humming away quietly in the background.

In this state, we would operate from a place of confidence. Perhaps all the time. No more second guessing ourselves. No more beating ourselves up for breaking promises to ourselves...again.

In other words, integrity. And personal integrity begets confidence.

Confidence is a byproduct of commitment.

Set your mind—make a hard-and-fast decision—and confidence will lead you on to the life our your dreams.

To your good fortune!

Become Your Own Sherlock Holmes

In a world preoccupied with trying to find the right answers, we might be better served by taking a step back and asking better questions. Often, the solution we seek is right in front of us—if we would just slow down long enough to recognize it.

The famous literary detective Sherlock Holmes is a master of observation. He is also master investigator, which is the byproduct of asking useful questions. Holmes famously said, "When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."

But merely asking questions is not enough. We must dig deeper and ask the questions behind the questions. Then, we must stand back and observe—as an objective third-party—and analyze the answers to those questions. Then, and only then, after developing an accurate picture of the situation can we devise the appropriate plan of attack.

That said, how are some ways we can use questions to pursue and achieve our life's dreams and ambitions?

For example, if we wanted to grow our business, what would be some useful questions to ask that, if we knew the true answer, would dramatically improve our odds of success?

Here are a few:

Am I spending my time on those activities that will generate and increase sales?
Am I allowing myself to be distracted by non-critical activities, like mindless social media?
Am I making enough sales calls? If not, why not?
Am I connecting with enough of the right people? If not, why not?

If you wanted to improve your physical fitness, what useful questions would help you get closer to your goal?

Am I creating an environment suited to achieving my health goals?
Am I allowing social engagements to derail my healthy eating regimen?
Am I staying up too late watching TV and not getting enough sleep? If so, why?

These types of questions can be equally applied to any worthwhile pursuit, be it an art project, raising children, dealing with a break-up, writing a novel, or whatever.

Something else to consider is that most things we do, or don't do, in life are rooted in motivation. It rarely takes a lot of convincing to get us to do things we actually want to do. We just do them. So when you find yourself not doing something you say you want to, run an internal audit and observe what is going on inside.

And then ask more questions. Go deeper. Observe, investigate, analyze. Become your own Sherlock Holmes; eliminate the impossible and reveal the real truth.

Then form your plan and move forward.