Fortune Friday: "You are always welcome to gatherings."

It is interesting how one word can entirely change the meaning of a phrase. In today's fortune, we would expect it to say "You are always welcome at gatherings."

Being welcome at something implies being on the receiving end of an invitation. Someone else has initiated the gathering and you are welcome to attend.

Instead, it says to.

Being welcome to something is a more proactive position. It puts the power within you to initiate an event or an action. You are the master of your fate. You are the captain of your soul. Like Seth Godin continually says, stop waiting to be picked. Choose yourself.

To your good fortune!

Commitment is Self Love

Photo by Lacey Raper

Commitment is self love in action. I learned this concept recently from thought leader Chris Brogan. I suppose at some level I knew this deep down all along. But Brogan stated it so simply—in context of growing both our lives and our businesses—I just had to share. To paraphrase Chris, he said:

Commitment is a love of yourself. If you are not keeping your commitments (to yourself) you are cheating and having an affair on yourself. You are betraying you. And if you can't love you, you can't execute on all the things you want to do.

I found this very powerful—and a bit unsettling. To think that I have been cheating, and cheating on, myself is disturbing.

I've also found the opposite to be true: self-love equals commitment. All doubt, fear, apathy, or procrastination is fundamentally rooted in a lack of self love. When your mind leads with thoughts like, "Good things like that don't happen to people like me," how motivated are you going to be to go out and create the life you desire?

Robert Holden said, "No amount of self improvement can make up for a lack of self acceptance."

When you truly love and accept yourself—warts and all—you do what it takes to become the best version of you possible.

Because you're worth it.

Fortune Friday: "Watch your relations with other people carefully. Be reserved."

Our relationships with other people can be the source of our greatest happiness, joy, and fulfillment. They can also be our greatest source of frustration, disappointment, and grief. We hurt the ones we love as they say.

Is there a surefire way we can improve our most cherished relations? I offer up two possible solutions for your consideration:

1. Watch carefully
2. Be reserved

Watch Carefully

In the movie The Breakfast Club, the Brain asks the Basket Case what her parents do to her. She replies, "They ignore me." Her parents weren't watching carefully. They weren't seeing her. Their attention was somewhere else. And she withered.

People—like pets and plants—need attention. They need care and nourishment. Sometimes we forget this. People put up great facades to hide their pain and shame from the world. We think they're are doing okay when in fact they really aren't.

Be Reserved

Reserved is defined as being slow to reveal emotions or opinions. Much of our relationship problems stem from the preconceived judgements and expectations we place on people. And when they fail to act as we'd like them to, we get annoyed or hurt or angry.

But what if we slowed down? What if we spoke less and listened more? What if we tried to see and accept others as they really are, and less of what we want them to be?

They just might surprise us.

Reserved is also defined as something kept specially for a particular purpose or person—as in reserving a seat.

Do we keep a special spot in our heart for just that one person? Do we reserve a space for them, and them only, that is untouched and untarnished by the outer world?

A sacred inner sanctum impervious to outside influences.

If we watch carefully and become more reserved in our thoughts and intentions, our relations will bloom and flourish.

To your good fortune! 

The Upside of PTSD

Before anyone accuses me of being insensitive or flippant, please know that I am not making light of anyone who has suffered genuine psychological trauma. My heart truly goes out to anyone traumatized in any way and I hope they are able to find the professional assistance and inner peace they seek and rightly deserve.

PTSD is the acronym for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I would like to positively and gently reframe this term as it applies to the less severe day-to-day trials we all face.

Our muscles grow when they are put under stress and then given a period of recovery. As this cycle is repeated, our muscles grow stronger and more resilient. In time, we are able to perform increasingly difficult tasks that before would have seemed impossible.

Our souls grow in a similar manner.

When our minds and hearts—emotional not physical—are placed under load, there are two possible outcomes. We either crack or we recover and grow stronger.

I call this Post Traumatic Soul Development.

Most of the time this is a choice. We can choose to shrink, retreat, or give in to despair, or we can choose to fight. We can choose to run straight at our problems and fears.

The funny thing about problems and fears is that they rarely hold up to prolonged scrutiny. Darkness cannot abide the light. Fear and love cannot exist in the same space. If we shine the spotlight of our heartfelt attention—not repetitious circular worrying—on those things which are troubling us, a timely solution usually presents itself.

And the more times we repeat this cycle, the stronger we get. As we repeatedly flex our "soul muscle," our capacity to handle heavier mental and emotional loads increases. Soon we will be fit to handle the so-called impossible.

Sometimes we can do this on our own. Sometimes it is easier with help. Either way, our trials and tribulations can become fuel for our greatest growth.

If we let them.

Fortune Friday: "Discontent is the first step in the progress of a man or a nation."

There is a lot of talk these days about finding and living your passion. In fact, there even seems to be some social pressure associated with it. You haven't found your passion yet? What are you waiting for!

For those who already know what it is you love and what you want to do with your life, congratulations. Count yourselves lucky.

But for those of you who are still trying to discover what lights you up, here is an exercise you can do to ferret out what could be your passion. It may sound counterintuitive, but trust me, it works.

Usually we're encouraged to make a list of what we want. "You gotta name it to claim it," they shout. Write down your goals. Say them out loud every day.

You've heard this all before, right? And for good reason. It really does work.

But sometimes we get stuck. Our minds draw a blank. We've lose touch with our inner child who knew how to dream and play. "If only I knew what I wanted, I'd go do it!"

If you find yourself stuck trying to come up with your list—do the opposite.

Make a What-I-Don't-Want-List.

That's right. Start with the opposite. Write down everything you don't want. List everything you are sick and tired of and wish would stop or go away or change. Soon enough you'll be left with a pretty good map pointing you towards a better future.

Remember, you can still find north on a compass by facing south and then turning around 180 degrees.

Sometimes discontent is the first step in your progress.

To your good fortune!

James Victore's 3 Step Formula for Creative Fulfillment

Always outspoken and poignant, designer and educator James Victore typically ends his talks and video ravings with this simple triptych:

"Have an opinion, make work that matters, and love something other than yourself."

These three components form the basis for a happier, more fulfilled life in the creative arts. Let's brake them down individually.

1. Have an opinion.

As an artist of any type or medium, it is important that we develop a strong point of view and personal voice. Not a loud speaking voice, but an internal voice—as in "Here's me and this is what I have to say to the world."

We need to find our ground and then make a stand on it. And that starts with being honest and true with ourselves. Saying, "This speaks to me, I want to pursue it further." And also recognizing what is no longer speaking to us and doing away with it.

Our opinions should be our own. Not our parents or our peers or society or our industry. They should be strong and unflinching and unrepentant. A line in the sand.

This doesn't mean we need to become prima donnas or be difficult to work with. You can have an opinion and a point of view and still be pleasant.

2. Make work that matters.

Do work that feeds your soul, not just your belly. Yes, we all have bills to pay and mouths to feed. But where possible, earn your living doing work that speaks to you. Make work that makes the world a better place. Or a more beautiful place. Or a happier place.

Too many creatives spend their waking hours and creative energies doing shoddy, uninspired work that does nothing but help line the pockets of corporate fat cats.

Search out the studios, agencies, and companies that are in line with your values. They're not always easy to find, but they're out there. And if one is not available, start your own.

3. Love something other than yourself.

Victore is fond of saying that your work is a gift. To the world, to others, even to yourself. But a gift nonetheless. When you share your work—your gift—with the world, in essence you are saying, "I love you."

Give. Be generous. Contribute to something grander than just the small microcosm that is your life.

When we are in the thick of life, it is so easy to become bogged down in the day-to-day that we lose sight of the bigger picture. There is a big huge world outside our window. Be in it. Add to it. Share the love.

I've been working as a designer professionally for over 20 years now. And I've heard a lot of recipes for living a fulfilling life in the arts. But Victore's simple formula may be the best yet.

NOTE: And for a weekly dose of inspiration, be sure to check out Burning Questions on James' YouTube channel. He sometimes swears like a sailor, but it's awesome.

Fortune Friday: "You will receive unexpected support over the next week. Accept it graciously."

Perhaps one of the hardest lessons we humans will ever learn is how to accept help graciously. Being a grateful recipient often goes contrary to our ego-based drive for independence. No one I know likes to admit they need assistance from others now and again, if not regularly.

Years ago when my children were young, my wife and I found ourselves unemployed during Christmastime. We were broke and living with family. It sucked.

One evening, a neighbor stopped by and handed me a check for $1,000 dollars and instructed me to use it to give my family a happy Christmas and to pay some bills. He left saying, "When we were newly married, someone helped us out. Don't try to pay us back. Help someone else out instead."

I was speechless. To this day I still get teary-eyed just thinking about it.

Being the recipient of a gift—be it a present or money or time—stirs up all kinds of emotions. Not the least of which is the stress of reciprocation. The compulsion to repay a giver, to be "even," is strong. And this stress can be made worse especially when we feel we are not in a position to repay.

But I'd like you to consider the flip side to this scenario:

Being an ungracious recipient robs the giver. It robs them of their opportunity to be generous, helpful, and considerate. Most people love to give. They love to share and help and connect. They like to feel like they are contributing to something important, that they're making a difference.

When we rebuff their offering, we cheat them in a way. We cheat them out of their portion of the exchange. In our attempt to avoid what we perceive to be a lopsided transaction, we inadvertently create an imbalance.

The next time someone offers you support, considering seeing the situation from their perspective.

Honor their intentions—and their humanity—and accept their help graciously.

To your good fortune!

Be Your Own Best Client

If you've worked in the creative profession for any length of time you've probably encounter nightmare clients. Hopefully you've been able to weed them from your life. You know the type. The ones who demand premium quality work on an absurdly tight deadline, but don't want to pay top dollar.

Or worse, they nickel and dime the project to death, they miss client meetings and reschedule calls over and over. They are constantly changing the scope of the project or art directing it to death. Or, heaven forbid, all of the above.

What usually ends up is a steaming pile of mediocrity and an unhappy client.

They are toxic to our business and our soul. Sometimes we even need to fire them.

Any of this sound familiar?

We despise this kind of behavior in our clients, so why do we do tolerate these same antics with ourselves?

We want to produce high-caliber work, but rush to get it done—or settle for "good enough." We skimp on materials. We keep promising ourselves that we'll get to it tomorrow. We procrastinate over and over. We blow off studio time. We start one way, then change it, then change it back again. Or, heaven forbid, all of the above.

What usually ends up is a steaming pile of mediocrity and an unhappy artist.

Worse still, sometimes it gets personal. We ignore our loved ones. We ignore our health. We replace sleep with coffee—or worse.

Time we started being our own best client. And perhaps we have to begin by firing our old selves.