Fortune Friday: "You will receive unexpected support over the next week. Accept it graciously."

Accepting help from others is difficult for many people. Myself included. If you are like me, you pride yourself on being, for the most part, self-sufficient and independent. An army of one. But this pride may be the very thing that is keeping you from achieving your wildest dreams.

As author and creativity coach Barbara Sher likes to say, "Isolation is the dream killer."

The truth is very few great achievements in history were made by lone individuals. We tend to think of great pioneers like Thomas Edison sitting alone in a workshop burning the midnight oil as they tinker away. But in reality, Edison's Menlo Park Laboratory was a bustling workshop filled with a team of experts and craftsman. He surrounded himself with people who could help bring his ideas to life.

The same goes for Ford, Gates, Jobs. Also true for Michael Jordan—he had a team. Tiger Woods has his coach and caddy. As much as we think we are accomplishing things on our own, the truth is we rarely are. And if you are a perfectionist (me again), it can be even harder to even admit, let alone accept, we need help.

But we do. Every one of us.

The key is to accept help graciously. But not for the reason you might think. Yes, it is courteous to be cordial and thankful. However, when we deny another person the opportunity to give, we cheat them. We cheat them both temporally and spiritually. We literally rob from them the good karma that is their due. And by robbing them, we rob ourselves.

In every exchange in life there is a giver and a receiver. Sometimes we are the giver. Sometimes we are the receiver.  One cannot exist without the other. If I choose not to give, then I rob you of your chance to receive. If you choose not to receive, you rob me of my opportunity to give. And we both lose.

So the next time someone offers to help, do yourself and them a favor. Say yes.

To your good fortune!

Stop Asking For Permission

"It's easier to ask forgiveness than it is to get permission." We've all heard this before in one form or another, right? But how many of us are actually doing it? My gut tells me that most of the time we're waiting for permission. Or, at least, approval.

So why are we so hesitant to take a stand or stand alone? Why are we constantly seeking permission?

I recently watched The Lego Movie with my family. It was funny and creative. And the story taught a poignant lesson about fitting in and doing things "the right way" and following the crowd and obeying the instructions, versus stepping into your personal genius and capitalizing on your uniqueness.

Now, I fully support obeying the law for the safety and welfare of others. I think we all could agree on that. But what I am talking about are the implied, unwritten rules or beliefs that are subtly, or not so subtly, espoused by the general public. There seems to be a wide-spread, generic definition of what is normal, and anything that deviates from that norm is frowned upon or even thwarted outright.

A few years ago I gave a talk to a group of art students at a local college. We discussed creativity, career development, and living life as an artist. I was shocked at the prevailing mentality in the room. More than anything else, these kids wanted to know the right way to proceed—particularly following graduation. They wanted the instructions, the rulebook. They were afraid of messing up and doing it wrong. They were voicing concerns about failing and not being able to get a good job. They were even worried about bankruptcy and homelessness. Say what?

These kids were in their early twenties. They hadn't even experienced much real life outside of university. And here they were preoccupied with (mostly) unrealistic fears.

Keep in mind, these were art students. They are already fringe players. I could understand these kinds of concerns coming from accounting or science majors, but art? 

As we dug deeper, we discovered they weren't really afraid of these things. No, they were actually afraid of disappointing their parents and of looking weird to their family and friends. They had drank the cultural Kool-Aid and were now asking for permission to deviate from the norm. These future artists secretly wanted to throw out the rulebook—and were now seeking approval from a respected outsider.

I said to them repeatedly, hoping it would sink in, "There is no right way. Only your way."

I continued, "If your way ends up looking like a gallery painter living in a house in the suburbs with a white picket fence, 2.3 kids and a Cocker Spaniel, that's okay. If your way ends up with you living alone in a yurt on the Mongolian plains brewing craft-labeled fermented mare's milk, that's okay too. Just be true to yourself. Follow your path, not the path you think you're supposed to."

In a recent radio interview, my hero Steven Pressfield suggested that writers avoid critique groups and requesting feedback from the general public. Instead, he urged writers to master their craft and learn to be their own best critic and editor. Only then do you seek the opinion and help from one or two experts you trust implicitly.

In other words, stop asking for permission. Do it your way first.

The irony in all of this misdirected people-pleasing is that society applauds the outliers. We salute the renegades. We hail the risk-takers. We reward, sometimes absurdly, those who chart their own course. Hell, we may even secretly envy them.

And yet most of us still seek permission and approval beforehand. My advice, said best by Bob Newhart in his famous psychiatry skit, is to "Stop it!"

Stop asking for permission. Get out there and go for it—your way.

Fortune Friday: "He who is afraid of asking is ashamed of learning."

I have never been afraid to ask questions. I have also grown quite comfortable, more so the older I get, admitting when I don't know something. This is characteristically opposite of the stereotypical American male—the man who knows all and needs help from no one. I am fortunate in that I do not attach my self worth to the amount of knowledge I have amassed inside my head.

I am okay saying "I don't know."

I have my 8th grade science teacher to thank for this. For privacy, I will refer to him here as Mr. Smith.

When I was a teenage boy in middle school, Mr. Smith gave our class a wonderful piece of advice. Given that we were in a science-related environment, replete with theories, hypotheses, experimentation, and data collection, I took his advice at face value. Perhaps I was simply at an age where my young mind was receptive to input.

Mr. Smith simply said, "There is no such thing as a dumb question if you don't know the answer."

His advice wasn't overly deep or profound, but it was clear and meaningful—at least to me. And believe me, I'm sure I asked a lot of seemingly "dumb" questions. I'm also sure there was a lot of snickering and eye rolling behind my back. But I asked anyway.

Psychiatrist and scholar Thomas Szasz said, "Every act of conscious learning requires the willingness to suffer an injury to one's self-esteem. That is why young children, before they are aware of their own self-importance, learn so easily; and why older persons, especially if vain or important, cannot learn at all."

Don't be ashamed of learning. Don't be afraid of asking. Be open-minded. Be receptive to input.

There are no dumb questions. Ever.

To your good fortune!

How To End Procrastination

First, understand that procrastination is never a time management issue. Procrastinating is a desire issue. Whenever anyone has been putting something off they claim they really want to do, the number was reason or excuse is: "I don't have time."

This is simply untrue. And I can prove it.

Just think about a typical day. There are literally dozens if not hundreds of activities that consume the hours and minutes of our days. And every one of those activities is a choice. Either because we want the reward associated with that choice or because we want to avoid the pain associated with it. For example:

I choose to wake up in the morning and go to work. Why? Because I want the paycheck and I want to avoid being fired.

I choose to brush my teeth twice a day. Why? Because I want fresh breath and I want to avoid the dentist's drill.

I choose to pay my taxes. Why? Because I want pot-hole free roads and I want to avoid prison.

I choose to write these blog posts. Why? Because I want the creative satisfaction I get from writing and I want to avoid going to my grave unfulfilled.

And the list goes on.

Simply put, we always find time to do those things that are important to us. Always. Al-ways.

So why are you procrastinating? Because whatever your thing is, you have not made it a priority in your life, at least not at this time. You are simply choosing to put other things ahead of whatever it is you say you want to do.

And why isn't it a priority? Any number of reasons—usually a mixture of fear, feelings of inadequacy or competency, and internal beliefs around worthiness. But too often it is simply because your goal or task is not important enough to you to supplant the other activities that occupy your day. In other words, the thing you're not doing doesn't wow you enough to override your current routine. You say you want to start your dream business, but you think it is going to be difficult and time consuming and might fail and you might go bankrupt. And besides, your current job isn't that bad, right? At least it affords you a few hours of downtime at night to order a pizza and watch American Idol.

And hey, if a day job followed by pizza and TV is your thing, that is totally cool too. If you are truly content, it really is. Just be honest with yourself. That's all I ask.

But if it is not, it is time to get real with yourself and make some changes—even if they're hard ones.

Now before I get blasted with hate mail and justifications, please understand that I know you have responsibilities and obligations and families and bills. We all do. Me included. I get it. I've used these same rationalizations for years. Still do sometimes.

But if there is something that is really important to you, then do something about it. Today!

I don't care if your objective is to lose weight, write a novel, start a business, eat more greens, spend more time with your child, learn to speak Spanish, backpack across Patagonia, plant a garden, declutter your garage, or take a much-needed nap. Stop making excuses and start making priorities. Baby step if you have to. Just get moving.

The most important choice you make is what you choose to make important. Time management hacks are wonderful assets—but only after you have chosen your priorities.

Chances are pretty good that if there is something you are perpetually putting off doing, it's probably not something you really, really want to do at all. More likely it is something you think you should be doing, or that would be good for you, or that your parents or peers or culture think is a worthwhile pursuit. And quite possibly they could be right. But the only person who knows for sure is you.

Procrastination is never about a lack of time. It is only ever about desire.

Fortune Friday: "Someone is looking up to you. Don't let that person down."

We never know who may be watching us. Someone somewhere out there may be looking for a leader to follow. Or they may be looking to us for clues on how to act or speak or behave. They may be looking to be inspired or comforted. They may be admiring us from afar.

Whatever the case, we are only ever doing two things: we are either building that person up, or we are letting that person down.

I know we are not personally responsible for another person's happiness or lack thereof. That is entirely up to them. But we can serve as a guide and play a part in their growth, development, and direction.

Mahatma Gandhi humbly said, "My life is my message."

What message are you sending to the world and those within your circle of influence?

Open Your Hand, Empty Your Cup

Open Your Hand:

In the movie Star Wars, Princess Leia is captured by the Empire in hopes of forcing her to reveal the location of the secret rebel base. In response to Governor Tarkin's bravado she replies, "The more you tighten your grip, Tarkin, the more star systems will slip through your fingers."

Only an open hand can catch what is thrown at it. A closed fist not so much. But how often are we tight-fisted in our lives in a desperate attempt at control? We act as though if we just keep enough pressure on the seemingly chaotic aspects of our lives, then everything will work out like we want. We falsely believe that we can shape, mold, and control our universe.

We can't. At least not all the time.

And maintaining that constant grip is exhausting. And stuff slips through our fingers. Sometimes that stuff is our sanity and our peace of mind.

What if instead, we relaxed our grip? What if we uncurled those metaphorical fingers so that we were in a position of readiness to catch whatever gifts or opportunities the universe was willing to toss our way? Maybe by giving up some control we invite new opportunities into our lives.

Empty Your Cup:

The legendary martial artist Bruce Lee would advise his students to "empty your cup." A full cup is not capable of receiving any new or additional liquid. It just spills over the edge and is wasted. In essence, he was asking them to throw out all preconceptions, all assumptions, all previous training. To approach their training with him as complete neophytes. Total newbies.

His pupils were the cup. He was the pitcher. They had to empty theirs cups so he could pour in all his knowledge, wisdom, and expertise.

Both of these concepts center around emptiness and openness. When we willingly give up trying to know everything in advance, or when we become comfortable with not knowing and perhaps even looking foolish, at least for a little while, then we open ourselves up to greater opportunities for growth.

Fortune Friday: "You have an ambitious nature and will make a name for yourself."

Every person makes a name for themselves in this life.

Sometimes it's a good name. Positive and uplifting. A name that when people here it or think about it, they feel good inside or it makes them smile. It could be a family member or a close friend. Or perhaps a beloved boss or mentor, or even a notable person from history.

Sometimes it's a bad name. Negative and discouraging. A name that when people here it or think about it, their heart shrinks or their spine shudders. Too often it is a family member or someone with direct contact with our life. Rarely do public figures cast such a pall over our day-to-day lives.

Deep down, we all have a desire to be something greater than we are. To be the very best version of yourselves. Bigger, better, stronger.

There is a degree of ambition within every person. It is innate. We are born with it. It is our very divine nature. We are like gods in embryo, like an unhatched chick eager to burst forth and stretch its featherless wings, pecking at the shell that protected it, but is now keeping it imprisoned.

Maybe your ambition got buried somewhere along the way. Maybe you shut off the tap of inspiration through neglect or fear or apathy. Maybe your soul was squashed by your parents or your peers or by the media.

But that was then. Today is a new day. You get to choose how you will live moving forward. Get some help if you need it, professional help if necessary.

Don't delay. Crack the shell. Break the surface. Your ambition wants to be free. It wants to free you. As Nelson Mandela said, "There is no passion to be found in playing small, in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living."

Become the best you that you can be. The name you make for yourself is the sum of your thoughts, words, and actions. And there is no neutral ground. If you choose to say and do nothing, to sit idly by on the sidelines of life, the net effect is still negative. Because if you're not a positive force, you are lumped into the negative by default.

Make a great name for yourself. Not out of pride or of accolades, but to be a light to the world. Your ambition craves it. The world needs it. Your soul demands it.

To your good fortune!

Reexamining The Law of Attraction

The Law of Attraction is a familiar concept to those interested in self-development and self-improvement, myself among them. Many believe it to be a sound principle for creating abundance. Others ascribe it near mythical powers. Whatever your belief, I'd like to offer a new spin on how you can view, and then use, The Law of Attraction to create the life of your dreams.

First let's look at the words.

Law, by its scientific not legal meaning, is defined as "a statement of fact, deduced from observation, to the effect that a particular natural or scientific phenomenon always occurs if certain conditions are present."

A natural phenomenon occurs if certain conditions are present. Check.

Attraction, again by its scientific not social meaning, is defined as "a force under the influence of which objects tend to move toward each other."

Tend to move toward each other. Now we're getting somewhere.

Now let's put the two simplified statements together: A natural phenomenon where, if certain conditions are present, objects tend to move toward each other.

That is the heart of the Law of Attraction. It is the function of establishing proper conditions that will naturally result in a desired outcome. And establishing those conditions requires planning and deliberate effort. It is concrete by nature, and not some wish upon a star, rainbows and unicorns, kumbaya, please-Universe-give-me-what-I-want mentality.

The Law of Attraction requires consistent, functional effort over time conducive to creating the ideal conditions relative to the desired outcome.

Wow. That was a mouthful. In other words, we have to do what works.

But let's take Attraction a step further. Let's break up the word. Instead of Attraction, let's call it At-traction. At Traction.

To be at something means to be in a particular state relative to it, such as being at odds with someone.

Traction, for our discussion here, is defined as "the grip of a tire on a road or a wheel on a rail." Grip, purchase, friction, adhesion. As in to stick to something. At Traction is a state by which we maintain a state of attaching ourselves to something for a long enough duration to generate the results we want.

So by my definition, The Law of Attraction is nothing more than good old fashioned grit and sticktoitiveness. It is persistence and determination—often in the face of adversity—that yields dividends over time.

It's simple: 1. Decide what you want. 2. Create the right conditions. 3. Stick to it. 4. Enjoy the rewards.

In this light The Law of Attraction is quite practical, when applied correctly.

Now get to work at-tracting your dreams!