Fortune Friday: "A man's best possession is a sympathetic wife."

For our purposes here, since not everyone reading this is a man and not everyone is married, feel free to substitute woman, and/or partner, and/or friend.

I looked up the word sympathetic in the dictionary. While the first definition was somewhat benign, what struck me more was the list of synonyms:

Compassionate, caring, concerned, understanding, comforting, sensitive, understanding, encouraging, considerate, kind, tenderhearted, pleasant, agreeable, friendly.

With someone like that at your back, there is nothing in the world you couldn't do, be, or achieve. It'd be like your own personal cheerleading squad. Go! Fight! Win! Our world could really benefit from more spouses and partners like this. Unfortunately, too many individuals and families are on the receiving end of the opposite.

I was also intrigued by one of the secondary definitions for sympathetic: showing approval of or favor toward an idea or action.

To me, that implies a degree of trust and possibly risk tolerance. If we show favor towards action, what we are in effect saying is, "I trust you. I believe in you. I don't know how this will turn out, but I will support it anyway."

To have a person like that in your corner would be a treasure of infinite worth. And if you are fortunate enough to have someone in your life like that, let them know how much you appreciate them. Often.

To your good fortune!

Let Go of Your Story

Each one of us has a story about who we are and the role we play in our world. It is a story that we a familiar with. We have it memorized. We can recall it in an instant. And we share it with everybody.

But more important, it is the story we tell ourselves over and over and over. And soon enough it becomes our not-so-secret identity.

The problem is these stories are usually negative. We rarely focus on our positive traits. Do any of these sound familiar to you?

I'm the good child who doesn't make waves.
I'm the family black sheep.
I'm the cute one, not the smart one.
I'm lazy.
I'm the people pleaser.
I'm the stalwart employee.

The thing is, these stories are false. They're not true. They are just comfortable lies that we feed ourselves to keep our delicate ego from getting hurt. We use them to stay inside of fear, to shield ourselves from the risk of failure, rejection, and embarrassment. We tell ourselves, sometimes subconsciously, "Stick to the story. Don't deviate from what is expected of you. Everyone else needs you to be and remain as you are." And if by chance we do try something new or daring or outside our normal scope, and then fail, then we have a convenient excuse to make ourselves feel better.

If I tell myself the story that I am a procrastinator and then procrastinate, then I get to say, "See? I'm a procrastinator. That's what procrastinators do," and I'm off the hook.

Stupid is as stupid does, right?

Our story can become an endless loop that keeps us in inaction, broken dreams, and missed opportunities if we let it.

But here's the catch: We can let go of our story, any story, whenever we want. And start a new one. We can choose a new path. We can take new actions. We can rewrite our story at will, as often as we like. We can say, "The old me would put things off. I was funny that way. The new me doesn't. See, I'm writing this blog post right now instead of just thinking about it."

Joseph Campbell said, "We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us."

We can rewrite our personal story any time we want. What is your new story going to be?

Fortune Friday: "Life is a daring adventure."

Here is a disclaimer before I continue: This is not my fortune from this week's lunch. It actually belongs to a loud, twenty-something girl sitting in the booth full of women office workers next to me. I found it so funny I had to comment on it. I will write about my actual fortune next week.

Girl: "'Life is a daring adventure'. Seriously? I hate it when a fortune is not a fortune. This is dumb. This is a statement, not a fortune. I want something, like, ominous."

Her exact words. I kid you not.

"I want something, like, ominous."

I find it fascinating how often we humans are not content with the average, the day-to-day, the pleasantly understated. Instead we're on a never-ending quest for bigger, better, faster, stronger. Something else. Something more. Always more. Something linguistic analyst Lyndon Duke referred to as the "curse of exceptionality."

A simple fortune is not enough. Oh no, it needs to be ominous, mysterious, foreboding. The irony with this, and all, fortunes is they are as deep and "ominous" as we choose to interpret them. Personally I think "Life is a daring adventure" is laced with all different levels of meaning.

Because in the end, life really is all in the way we choose to see it.

To your good fortune!

Pushing Past The Point of Despair

Almost every time I sit down to do some creative project—a logo design, a hand-drawn illustration, a painting, a piece of literary fiction—I come to what I like to call The Point of Despair. When my inner critic pipes up. You know what I'm talking about. You've heard the voice as well:

"This is pointless."
"I've ruined it."
"This isn't turning out like I'd imagined."

The Point of Despair is the creative equivalent to "hitting the wall," a moment common to marathon runners, where they physically, emotionally, and mentally "run out of gas" around mile 20. Movie writers call this pivotal plot device the "All Is Lost" moment.

So what do you do when you come to The Point of Despair?

You silence the voices by keeping your feet moving. I love this quote by Vincent Van Gogh:

"If you hear a voice within you say 'you cannot paint,' then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced." –Vincent Van Gogh

It's really that simple. You push through The Point of Despair by continuous, repeated action. Even if all you can do is take tiny baby steps, then take them. One after another. One more step.

One more hatch mark.
One more chord.
One more line of code.
One more brushstroke.
One more pushup.
One more sales call.
One more letter on the keyboard.

Personally, I've found that if I just keep at it, if I put in the time and just keep noodling, eventually I summit the crest of The Point of Despair. I see sunny skies on the horizon. I look down at my artwork and I say, "You know, that actually looks pretty good!"

Before I set out on the 50-mile hike with my son's Boy Scouts troop, my artist friend Will Terry gave me some good advice (he's an avid outdoorsman by the way): "Slow and steady wins the race. Just like the tortoise and the hare. It's better to move slowly and not stop, than to try and go fast and take a lot of breaks. Breaks will kill you."

Stopping and starting, particularly huge sprints with long rests, can be detrimental to creative projects. It can be really difficult to get going again after a really long layoff.

Breaks will kill you. That's why they're called BREAKS.

No matter how ominous The Point of Despair looks, if you keep your feet moving you will come out on the other side. I promise.

Fortune Friday: "Consolidate rather than expand business projects in the near future."

A surefire way to drive any business or creative endeavor into the ground is by trying to be everything to everybody. We see this all the time in big corporations, as they gobble up and acquire wide varieties of smaller companies and start-ups in an effort to bolster their product offering to the world. "Hey look at us! We not only sell shampoo, but we also sell dog food, greeting cards, and microwave pizzas."

One time I asked a client who their target audience was. They replied, "Everyone." Ugh.

Lack of market focus and deviation from core competency are a death knell for a company. Better to be exceptional at one or two things to a select group, than to be mediocre at a dozen things to the world at large.

As I grow older I find my time increasingly fragmented. Between spouse, children, home, job, church, side projects, and free time, lots of things are vying for my time. Instead of expanding, I feel drawn towards simplifying and focusing. I feel the pull of consolidating my life.

I'd rather excel at a few things than be so-so at everything.

To your good fortune!

Life Is Short, Roll The Dice

Life is short. Deep down we know this. But often, we live as though we have all the time in the world. Because it feels safe. Thinking about the shortness of life, or dare I say even death, is scary. It is uncomfortable. It makes us feel uneasy.

I turn 45 years old this year. So for me the reality is that, in all likelihood, I have fewer days ahead of me than I do behind me. Time-wise I am on the downward slope. With the clock ticking.

I came across a quote today by artist-writer-speaker Auston Kleon. He says:

"Draw the art you want to see, start the business you want to run, play the music you want to hear, write the books you want to read, build the products you want to use—do the work you want to see done." –Auston Kleon

Brilliant. So simple, so succinct.

We need to quit second-guessing ourselves. Quit trying to anticipate the market. Quit trying to get it all right in advance. Just do something. Anything. Pursue your dreams. Go for the life you want. Because there are no guarantees and we don't know how many days we have left.

Life is short. Roll the dice.

Fortune Friday: "Sell your ideas. They are totally acceptable."

Honestly I am not sure if this fortune begs discussing the virtues of commercializing our creativity versus keeping personal projects private, or whether or not we believe in our ideas, or what. But I do think it is a good followup to my discussion on overcoming self doubt.

Whenever I have an idea for a creative project or business idea, my typically next move is to start shooting holes in it. A sort of mental risk management. If you're anything like me, you're attracted to the sure thing. I love knowing all my ducks are in a row. It feels safer that way, right?

And again, if you're anything like me, your next step is to ask all your family and friends and coworkers what they think of your idea. More holes.

Before you know it, your grand idea looks like Bonnie and Clyde's 1934 Ford sedan after the police worked it over with their Browning Automatic Rifles (BAR).

Nothing left to do but throw it on the scrap heap and start over.

We've all done this, right? Be honest.

But the truth is our focus group is too small. We cut our ideas short before we let them gain any traction in the real world. Because chances are, if we think an idea is cool or noteworthy, the odds are in our favor that there are hundreds, or thousands, or perhaps even millions, of people out there who think it is cool too.

Don't kill off your dreams prematurely because you haven't yet figured out the logistics of making it happen. Focus on why you're doing it, not what, when and how. Those things will work themselves out naturally and you move along.

Follow your ideas. They're good ideas. Somebody somewhere will accept them—even if you don't initially.

To your good fortune!

Overcoming Self Doubt

Experts cite a wide variety of reasons for why new businesses fail within the first couple years. Some of these reasons include poor planning, underestimating real costs, bad management. But the primary factor that causes new businesses to crumble is under capitalization. In other words, not enough money. In particular, not enough reserves to ride out the lean times typical of new ventures.

On a personal level, many aspiring (creative) types—novelists, designers, app developers, soccer moms, life coaches—fall victim to the same cause. Specifically, under confidence capitalization.

Too many times, we lack the vault of inner reserves necessary to ride out the lean times—mental, emotional, spiritual, physical—in our lives.

You know how it goes. You get a flash of inspiration and go, "Wow, that's great! I am so excited about this idea." And for a few days you're really pumped. You dive into research and information, gobbling up everything you can. And then...

Self doubt begins to creep in.

You start second guessing yourself. You start to reconsider. You focus on logistics and timelines and plausibility. And you begin to think, "Gee, do I really even care about this that much?"

And as quickly as the inspiration came in, it goes out the door.

Lord knows how many projects I have started and abandoned over the last 20 years. I don't know. Like, a million?

And it all boiled down to one thing. Forget about financing, website designs, investors, solid business plans, whatever. When you scrape away all the surface reasons why I thought it couldn't be done, the real reason was I didn't think I had it in me to do it. Good old fashioned self doubt. Period.

At this point you're all probably nodding your heads vigorously. Yes, yes, we've all been there before. So what do we do about it?

A couple of things.

First, acknowledge that for all intents and purposes, most of the time we really don't have to do anything about it. Not really. I mean, sure we'd like to accomplish all our goals and dreams, but we're probably not going to literally die if we don't. So go easy on yourself.

Second, you need to invest in the time and energy necessary to get okay with yourself. Really dig deep and learn who you are at a core level. Because trust me, when you do you're going to see something really amazing. As much as we humans are alike, each of us is so unbelievably unique it's frightening. There is only one you and one me on the whole planet. And sometimes that scares us.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." –Marianne Williamson

I like to draw. But no one draws exactly the way I do. I like to design logos and brand identity. But no other designer designs like I do. I like to write. But nobody writes the way I write. (Probably some of you are thinking thank goodness for that!).

And that is all good, useful information. Understanding my uniqueness is real power. That's the source of my internal capital. That is the juice that allows me to ride out the lean times. That is the compass I can fall back on when I get lost up inside my head.

That is how I overcome self doubt.

Fortune Friday: "Listen to friends with an ear to the future."

After reading this fortune a couple times, I realized it could have multiple meanings by making a slight change in punctuation.

Option 1:

"Listen to friends, with an ear to the future."

Option 2:

"Listen to: friends with an ear to the future."

In option 1, the responsibility rests with us to take in our friend's advice and then run that information through our internal filter; to reframe their ideas in a useful forward-thinking direction.

In option 2, we are advised to listen to friends who are forward-thinking individuals. I don't know about you, but I have friends who love to recall the glory days gone by. As if their best years have already been lived. And they tend to make decisions based on past experience, as opposed to the present facts. But the past is over. It is done, never to be repeated. Time to move on.

Personally, I favor a combination of both options. I prefer to spend my time with people who are looking forward rather than continually reminiscing about the past. But I also want to be sure that I stay true to my roots and my own inner compass and stay open to the inspiration that flows through me.

One final note here. Be sure your definition of 'friend' is a positive one. To me a friend is a confidant, a supporter, and sometimes a drill sergeant. True friends are not only enjoyable to be around and spend time with, but they bring out the best in you. They call you on your crap. They hold you to a higher standard.

Listen to those kind of friends. The real ones.

To your good fortune!