Perhaps one of the hardest lessons we humans will ever learn is how to accept help graciously. Being a grateful recipient often goes contrary to our ego-based drive for independence. No one I know likes to admit they need assistance from others now and again, if not regularly.
Years ago when my children were young, my wife and I found ourselves unemployed during Christmastime. We were broke and living with family. It sucked.
One evening, a neighbor stopped by and handed me a check for $1,000 dollars and instructed me to use it to give my family a happy Christmas and to pay some bills. He left saying, "When we were newly married, someone helped us out. Don't try to pay us back. Help someone else out instead."
I was speechless. To this day I still get teary-eyed just thinking about it.
Being the recipient of a gift—be it a present or money or time—stirs up all kinds of emotions. Not the least of which is the stress of reciprocation. The compulsion to repay a giver, to be "even," is strong. And this stress can be made worse especially when we feel we are not in a position to repay.
But I'd like you to consider the flip side to this scenario:
Being an ungracious recipient robs the giver. It robs them of their opportunity to be generous, helpful, and considerate. Most people love to give. They love to share and help and connect. They like to feel like they are contributing to something important, that they're making a difference.
When we rebuff their offering, we cheat them in a way. We cheat them out of their portion of the exchange. In our attempt to avoid what we perceive to be a lopsided transaction, we inadvertently create an imbalance.
The next time someone offers you support, considering seeing the situation from their perspective.
Honor their intentions—and their humanity—and accept their help graciously.
To your good fortune!
Friday, November 7, 2014
Tuesday, November 4, 2014
Be Your Own Best Client
If you've worked in the creative profession for any length of time you've probably encounter nightmare clients. Hopefully you've been able to weed them from your life. You know the type. The ones who demand premium quality work on an absurdly tight deadline, but don't want to pay top dollar.
Or worse, they nickel and dime the project to death, they miss client meetings and reschedule calls over and over. They are constantly changing the scope of the project or art directing it to death. Or, heaven forbid, all of the above.
What usually ends up is a steaming pile of mediocrity and an unhappy client.
They are toxic to our business and our soul. Sometimes we even need to fire them.
Any of this sound familiar?
We despise this kind of behavior in our clients, so why do we do tolerate these same antics with ourselves?
We want to produce high-caliber work, but rush to get it done—or settle for "good enough." We skimp on materials. We keep promising ourselves that we'll get to it tomorrow. We procrastinate over and over. We blow off studio time. We start one way, then change it, then change it back again. Or, heaven forbid, all of the above.
What usually ends up is a steaming pile of mediocrity and an unhappy artist.
Worse still, sometimes it gets personal. We ignore our loved ones. We ignore our health. We replace sleep with coffee—or worse.
Time we started being our own best client. And perhaps we have to begin by firing our old selves.
Or worse, they nickel and dime the project to death, they miss client meetings and reschedule calls over and over. They are constantly changing the scope of the project or art directing it to death. Or, heaven forbid, all of the above.
What usually ends up is a steaming pile of mediocrity and an unhappy client.
They are toxic to our business and our soul. Sometimes we even need to fire them.
Any of this sound familiar?
We despise this kind of behavior in our clients, so why do we do tolerate these same antics with ourselves?
We want to produce high-caliber work, but rush to get it done—or settle for "good enough." We skimp on materials. We keep promising ourselves that we'll get to it tomorrow. We procrastinate over and over. We blow off studio time. We start one way, then change it, then change it back again. Or, heaven forbid, all of the above.
What usually ends up is a steaming pile of mediocrity and an unhappy artist.
Worse still, sometimes it gets personal. We ignore our loved ones. We ignore our health. We replace sleep with coffee—or worse.
Time we started being our own best client. And perhaps we have to begin by firing our old selves.
Friday, October 31, 2014
Fortune Friday: "Where one door closes, another will open."
Most of us have heard something similar to this phrase before. Thankfully, today's fortune is more than just a pleasant platitude. It is rooted in hard science.
We live in a world of opposites. Hot and cold, dark and light, hard and soft, straight and curved, good and evil. You get the picture. Where doors are concerned, we also have opposites—open and closed.
A closed door keeps objects from passing through it; an open door allows objects to pass through.
When we find ourselves in a desperate or less-than-desirous situation, it seems as though the doors of opportunity have slammed shut. We feel trapped, unable to pass through. Stuck in a box with no way out.
And it may very well be true.
But much of our situation hinges on which side of the door we are standing.
And also who is doing the closing.
If we are trying to exit a room and someone (or something) else closes the door on us, then we may experience those pangs of despair.
But what if we've just left a room and we are closing the door behind us? Same net result—a closed door and a closed off room—but with an entirely different outcome.
Joseph Campbell famously said, "We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us."
To often we are the ones refusing to shut the doors that are no longer serving us. Our so-called room—no matter how painful—feels comfortable to us. It is what we know. We are hesitant to leave it. We fear closing the door and blocking our safe retreat.
But the other side of the door is where opportunity lives—where our life is waiting for us.
Trust that when one door closes another will open.
To your good fortune!
We live in a world of opposites. Hot and cold, dark and light, hard and soft, straight and curved, good and evil. You get the picture. Where doors are concerned, we also have opposites—open and closed.
A closed door keeps objects from passing through it; an open door allows objects to pass through.
When we find ourselves in a desperate or less-than-desirous situation, it seems as though the doors of opportunity have slammed shut. We feel trapped, unable to pass through. Stuck in a box with no way out.
And it may very well be true.
But much of our situation hinges on which side of the door we are standing.
And also who is doing the closing.
If we are trying to exit a room and someone (or something) else closes the door on us, then we may experience those pangs of despair.
But what if we've just left a room and we are closing the door behind us? Same net result—a closed door and a closed off room—but with an entirely different outcome.
Joseph Campbell famously said, "We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us."
To often we are the ones refusing to shut the doors that are no longer serving us. Our so-called room—no matter how painful—feels comfortable to us. It is what we know. We are hesitant to leave it. We fear closing the door and blocking our safe retreat.
But the other side of the door is where opportunity lives—where our life is waiting for us.
Trust that when one door closes another will open.
To your good fortune!
Tuesday, October 28, 2014
6 Degrees of Why
Most of us are familiar with the concept of six degrees of separation—the theory that any two individuals in the world are linked together by six steps or less.
For example, I am connected to Oprah Winfrey in five steps. Me to Brandon to Steve to Iyanla to Oprah. We'll skip the last names for now.
We can apply this same process to discovering our true motivation for anything we are or are not doing in our lives. Author and speaker, Steve Chandler, calls it the "reason behind the reason."
If we drill down deep enough—six times or so—we can discover our big Why.
Let's say you want a write a novel. Go through the steps:
Why #1: Why do you want to write a novel?
Answer: Because it would be cool to be a published author.
Why #2: Why do you want to be a published author?
Answer: Because it would be great to be recognized for my talents.
Why #3: Why is it important for you to be recognized for your talents?
Answer: Because most of the time I feel overlooked and ignored.
Why #4: Why do you think you're overlooked and ignored?
Answer: Because I don't stand up and take credit where it's due.
Why #5: Why don't you take credit for yourself?
Answer: Because you're not supposed to brag.
Why #6: Why do you think it's wrong to brag about yourself?
Answer: Because bragging is selfish.
Try this exercise for yourself. You may find that many of your surface goals are disguising a need for approval or acceptance—which is a fundamental lack of self-love and self-respect. And that often those are things you can give yourself, or that can be addressed directly.
In the example above, this would-be novelist may simply have an unconscious desire to be more self-assured and confident.
Now before all the haters start blasting away, I will say that sometimes we just want something because we want it. Period. For no good reason at all. That's fine too. Sometimes you want to write a novel because you love to write. It's fun to write. Cool. I get it.
Just try to be cognizant of the times you might be unconsciously trying to fool yourself.
And if you think there is something going on beneath the surface, ask yourself why.
At least six times.
For example, I am connected to Oprah Winfrey in five steps. Me to Brandon to Steve to Iyanla to Oprah. We'll skip the last names for now.
We can apply this same process to discovering our true motivation for anything we are or are not doing in our lives. Author and speaker, Steve Chandler, calls it the "reason behind the reason."
If we drill down deep enough—six times or so—we can discover our big Why.
Let's say you want a write a novel. Go through the steps:
Why #1: Why do you want to write a novel?
Answer: Because it would be cool to be a published author.
Why #2: Why do you want to be a published author?
Answer: Because it would be great to be recognized for my talents.
Why #3: Why is it important for you to be recognized for your talents?
Answer: Because most of the time I feel overlooked and ignored.
Why #4: Why do you think you're overlooked and ignored?
Answer: Because I don't stand up and take credit where it's due.
Why #5: Why don't you take credit for yourself?
Answer: Because you're not supposed to brag.
Why #6: Why do you think it's wrong to brag about yourself?
Answer: Because bragging is selfish.
Try this exercise for yourself. You may find that many of your surface goals are disguising a need for approval or acceptance—which is a fundamental lack of self-love and self-respect. And that often those are things you can give yourself, or that can be addressed directly.
In the example above, this would-be novelist may simply have an unconscious desire to be more self-assured and confident.
Now before all the haters start blasting away, I will say that sometimes we just want something because we want it. Period. For no good reason at all. That's fine too. Sometimes you want to write a novel because you love to write. It's fun to write. Cool. I get it.
Just try to be cognizant of the times you might be unconsciously trying to fool yourself.
And if you think there is something going on beneath the surface, ask yourself why.
At least six times.
Friday, October 24, 2014
Fortune Friday: "Next week, green is a lucky color for you."
The color green has long been associated with rebirth and renewal. The green leaves of summer fade and fall each autumn. The dormant branches of winter give way to the buds of spring. A continuous cycle of growth and decay, expansion and contraction.
But always the promise of life anew.
Where is green showing up in your life—if at all?
Are there some dead branches in your habits or thought patterns that could use some pruning? Could some detritus be cleared away to make way for fresh buds? Could you benefit from the professional help of a master gardener?
Do you have a hobby or activity you've neglected for a while? Do you have an idea for a book or a new business that needs dusting off?
Consider spending some time this week preparing space to welcome green into your life next week. You might just revive something long dormant.
I guarantee it will be beautiful.
To your good fortune!
But always the promise of life anew.
Where is green showing up in your life—if at all?
Are there some dead branches in your habits or thought patterns that could use some pruning? Could some detritus be cleared away to make way for fresh buds? Could you benefit from the professional help of a master gardener?
Do you have a hobby or activity you've neglected for a while? Do you have an idea for a book or a new business that needs dusting off?
Consider spending some time this week preparing space to welcome green into your life next week. You might just revive something long dormant.
I guarantee it will be beautiful.
To your good fortune!
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
Would You Pay What You Charge?
Many creative consultants—designers, developers, artists, musicians, writers, life coaches, trainers—advertise premium fees, while simultaneously trying to negotiate for lower rates from other service providers.
Is your logo design worth more than their video editing time?
And why then, are we shocked and irritated when our own customers do the same thing to us?
Sometimes, when a certain skill comes easy to us we undervalue it. Then we transfer that perception onto other experts.
To be clear, I am all for getting the best deal wherever possible. No sense throwing money away unnecessarily.
But when a service or product offers real value, be willing to pay real money for it.
Is your logo design worth more than their video editing time?
And why then, are we shocked and irritated when our own customers do the same thing to us?
Sometimes, when a certain skill comes easy to us we undervalue it. Then we transfer that perception onto other experts.
To be clear, I am all for getting the best deal wherever possible. No sense throwing money away unnecessarily.
But when a service or product offers real value, be willing to pay real money for it.
Friday, October 17, 2014
Fortune Friday: "A cheerful message is on its way to you."
When I first read this fortune, I mistakenly thought it said, "A cheerful massage is on its way to you." My first thought was this was pretty racy for a fortune cookie. Then I chuckled out loud in the restaurant. Then multiple sets of eyes stared at me.
I just smiled at them and happily returned to my lunch.
My next thought was, "Maybe that was the cheerful message?"
Cue spooky theme music.
To your good fortune!
I just smiled at them and happily returned to my lunch.
My next thought was, "Maybe that was the cheerful message?"
Cue spooky theme music.
To your good fortune!
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