How To Be Content Like Lola

Lola and her best little buddy Junebug. Photo by Amy Gretchen.

Lola is my brother-in-law's seventy-five pound Old English Bulldog. She is meaty and thick and built like a Mack truck and she has a heart of pure gold. She is a masterful example of living a contented life.

Sure, she is a dog and is not encumbered by the trappings and responsibilities of human life. But that said, we could definitely benefit from mimicking how Lola lives.

Lola—and most dogs for that matter—are simple creatures with simple needs. Her basic wants are a full belly, a soft place to sleep, and a warm body to sit next to. That's it. And maybe the occasional bird to chase.

So what can we learn from Lola?

Like most dogs, Lola typically eat the same thing day after day. Simple food and water to drink. The occasional treat or table scrap is icing on the cake.

Lola loves to curl up in her dog bed or on the couch. And if neither is available, she is content with the floor. As long as it is dry and warm, she'll make it work.

But my favorite thing about Lola is she just wants to be near you. She is perfectly content with proximity. Sure, some ear scratching is a plus—I mean really, who doesn't love that—but just being close is sufficient for her.

We humans could learn a lot from Lola, to appreciate more the simple things in life.

Beyond a basic dry, warm place to sleep, we don't need a ton of housing. A beautiful home is wonderful, but what we have is probably more than enough.

Beyond simple, sustainable sustenance, we don't need an endless stream of culinary pleasures. Great food is wonderful, but what we have is probably more than enough.

Beyond loyal companionship, we don't need a posse of followers and fans. More relationships can be wonderful, but what we have is probably more than enough.

This world, particularly western civilization, encourages the constant acquisition of more. More this, more that. More everything.

However, more is not always better.

I am not discounting the pursuit of lofty goals or big dreams. Striving to be better is what makes humans human.

But sometimes the happiest path can be found in living like a dog.

Fortune Friday: "You are always welcome to gatherings."

It is interesting how one word can entirely change the meaning of a phrase. In today's fortune, we would expect it to say "You are always welcome at gatherings."

Being welcome at something implies being on the receiving end of an invitation. Someone else has initiated the gathering and you are welcome to attend.

Instead, it says to.

Being welcome to something is a more proactive position. It puts the power within you to initiate an event or an action. You are the master of your fate. You are the captain of your soul. Like Seth Godin continually says, stop waiting to be picked. Choose yourself.

To your good fortune!

Commitment is Self Love

Photo by Lacey Raper

Commitment is self love in action. I learned this concept recently from thought leader Chris Brogan. I suppose at some level I knew this deep down all along. But Brogan stated it so simply—in context of growing both our lives and our businesses—I just had to share. To paraphrase Chris, he said:

Commitment is a love of yourself. If you are not keeping your commitments (to yourself) you are cheating and having an affair on yourself. You are betraying you. And if you can't love you, you can't execute on all the things you want to do.

I found this very powerful—and a bit unsettling. To think that I have been cheating, and cheating on, myself is disturbing.

I've also found the opposite to be true: self-love equals commitment. All doubt, fear, apathy, or procrastination is fundamentally rooted in a lack of self love. When your mind leads with thoughts like, "Good things like that don't happen to people like me," how motivated are you going to be to go out and create the life you desire?

Robert Holden said, "No amount of self improvement can make up for a lack of self acceptance."

When you truly love and accept yourself—warts and all—you do what it takes to become the best version of you possible.

Because you're worth it.

Fortune Friday: "Watch your relations with other people carefully. Be reserved."

Our relationships with other people can be the source of our greatest happiness, joy, and fulfillment. They can also be our greatest source of frustration, disappointment, and grief. We hurt the ones we love as they say.

Is there a surefire way we can improve our most cherished relations? I offer up two possible solutions for your consideration:

1. Watch carefully
2. Be reserved

Watch Carefully

In the movie The Breakfast Club, the Brain asks the Basket Case what her parents do to her. She replies, "They ignore me." Her parents weren't watching carefully. They weren't seeing her. Their attention was somewhere else. And she withered.

People—like pets and plants—need attention. They need care and nourishment. Sometimes we forget this. People put up great facades to hide their pain and shame from the world. We think they're are doing okay when in fact they really aren't.

Be Reserved

Reserved is defined as being slow to reveal emotions or opinions. Much of our relationship problems stem from the preconceived judgements and expectations we place on people. And when they fail to act as we'd like them to, we get annoyed or hurt or angry.

But what if we slowed down? What if we spoke less and listened more? What if we tried to see and accept others as they really are, and less of what we want them to be?

They just might surprise us.

Reserved is also defined as something kept specially for a particular purpose or person—as in reserving a seat.

Do we keep a special spot in our heart for just that one person? Do we reserve a space for them, and them only, that is untouched and untarnished by the outer world?

A sacred inner sanctum impervious to outside influences.

If we watch carefully and become more reserved in our thoughts and intentions, our relations will bloom and flourish.

To your good fortune! 

The Upside of PTSD

Before anyone accuses me of being insensitive or flippant, please know that I am not making light of anyone who has suffered genuine psychological trauma. My heart truly goes out to anyone traumatized in any way and I hope they are able to find the professional assistance and inner peace they seek and rightly deserve.

PTSD is the acronym for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I would like to positively and gently reframe this term as it applies to the less severe day-to-day trials we all face.

Our muscles grow when they are put under stress and then given a period of recovery. As this cycle is repeated, our muscles grow stronger and more resilient. In time, we are able to perform increasingly difficult tasks that before would have seemed impossible.

Our souls grow in a similar manner.

When our minds and hearts—emotional not physical—are placed under load, there are two possible outcomes. We either crack or we recover and grow stronger.

I call this Post Traumatic Soul Development.

Most of the time this is a choice. We can choose to shrink, retreat, or give in to despair, or we can choose to fight. We can choose to run straight at our problems and fears.

The funny thing about problems and fears is that they rarely hold up to prolonged scrutiny. Darkness cannot abide the light. Fear and love cannot exist in the same space. If we shine the spotlight of our heartfelt attention—not repetitious circular worrying—on those things which are troubling us, a timely solution usually presents itself.

And the more times we repeat this cycle, the stronger we get. As we repeatedly flex our "soul muscle," our capacity to handle heavier mental and emotional loads increases. Soon we will be fit to handle the so-called impossible.

Sometimes we can do this on our own. Sometimes it is easier with help. Either way, our trials and tribulations can become fuel for our greatest growth.

If we let them.

Fortune Friday: "Discontent is the first step in the progress of a man or a nation."

There is a lot of talk these days about finding and living your passion. In fact, there even seems to be some social pressure associated with it. You haven't found your passion yet? What are you waiting for!

For those who already know what it is you love and what you want to do with your life, congratulations. Count yourselves lucky.

But for those of you who are still trying to discover what lights you up, here is an exercise you can do to ferret out what could be your passion. It may sound counterintuitive, but trust me, it works.

Usually we're encouraged to make a list of what we want. "You gotta name it to claim it," they shout. Write down your goals. Say them out loud every day.

You've heard this all before, right? And for good reason. It really does work.

But sometimes we get stuck. Our minds draw a blank. We've lose touch with our inner child who knew how to dream and play. "If only I knew what I wanted, I'd go do it!"

If you find yourself stuck trying to come up with your list—do the opposite.

Make a What-I-Don't-Want-List.

That's right. Start with the opposite. Write down everything you don't want. List everything you are sick and tired of and wish would stop or go away or change. Soon enough you'll be left with a pretty good map pointing you towards a better future.

Remember, you can still find north on a compass by facing south and then turning around 180 degrees.

Sometimes discontent is the first step in your progress.

To your good fortune!

James Victore's 3 Step Formula for Creative Fulfillment

Always outspoken and poignant, designer and educator James Victore typically ends his talks and video ravings with this simple triptych:

"Have an opinion, make work that matters, and love something other than yourself."

These three components form the basis for a happier, more fulfilled life in the creative arts. Let's brake them down individually.

1. Have an opinion.

As an artist of any type or medium, it is important that we develop a strong point of view and personal voice. Not a loud speaking voice, but an internal voice—as in "Here's me and this is what I have to say to the world."

We need to find our ground and then make a stand on it. And that starts with being honest and true with ourselves. Saying, "This speaks to me, I want to pursue it further." And also recognizing what is no longer speaking to us and doing away with it.

Our opinions should be our own. Not our parents or our peers or society or our industry. They should be strong and unflinching and unrepentant. A line in the sand.

This doesn't mean we need to become prima donnas or be difficult to work with. You can have an opinion and a point of view and still be pleasant.

2. Make work that matters.

Do work that feeds your soul, not just your belly. Yes, we all have bills to pay and mouths to feed. But where possible, earn your living doing work that speaks to you. Make work that makes the world a better place. Or a more beautiful place. Or a happier place.

Too many creatives spend their waking hours and creative energies doing shoddy, uninspired work that does nothing but help line the pockets of corporate fat cats.

Search out the studios, agencies, and companies that are in line with your values. They're not always easy to find, but they're out there. And if one is not available, start your own.

3. Love something other than yourself.

Victore is fond of saying that your work is a gift. To the world, to others, even to yourself. But a gift nonetheless. When you share your work—your gift—with the world, in essence you are saying, "I love you."

Give. Be generous. Contribute to something grander than just the small microcosm that is your life.

When we are in the thick of life, it is so easy to become bogged down in the day-to-day that we lose sight of the bigger picture. There is a big huge world outside our window. Be in it. Add to it. Share the love.

I've been working as a designer professionally for over 20 years now. And I've heard a lot of recipes for living a fulfilling life in the arts. But Victore's simple formula may be the best yet.

NOTE: And for a weekly dose of inspiration, be sure to check out Burning Questions on James' YouTube channel. He sometimes swears like a sailor, but it's awesome.