As a whole, people, myself included, spend an inordinate amount of time keeping up appearances. We overly concern ourselves with how we look physically for sure, but even more pervasive is how much time and effort we put into sugar-coating and varnishing our personality. We are so desperate for approval or love of our persona. We so badly want to be liked. Seriously, who doesn't? I know I do.
But this desire for acceptance can come at a cost. The amount of effort it takes maintaining our facades can be exhausting. We spend so much time polishing our veneer to the perfect sheen. But while we're busy polishing, we lose out on connecting with those who truly matter. True friends love you because of your faults, not in spite of them.
What if we learned to love and accept ourselves exactly as we are—warts and all? What if we concerned ourselves more we how we thought about us, and less than what our neighbor thinks. What if instead of trying to keep up with the Joneses, we gauged our personal progress against ourselves? Am I a better person today than I was a year ago?
And here's the real secret: that thing you've been hiding from the world—that thing you think makes you not good enough—it's not secret at all. We've all known. For years.
A high school friend of mine agonized for years about publicly coming out of the closet. He dreaded telling his parents. When he finally decided to tell them, he was nervous and apprehensive. After he told them he was gay they replied, "Yeah, so? We've known for years."
So many things we desperately try to hide from the world. We think we have all these flaws that make us weird or unlovable or an outcast. But it is our oddities and our quirks that make us uniquely us. Embrace who you are. Accept and love that you are exactly as you were created to be—whether the world likes it or not. Know in your heart that God does not make mistakes.
Stop hiding. Stop covering. Stop deflecting. What you think is a big secret, probably isn't.
To your good fortune!
Friday, May 9, 2014
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
The Unexamined Life
Socrates once said, "The unexamined life is not worth living." This may or not be accurate. But this much I believe is true, that the unlived life is not worth examining.
This quote is not mine. I did not write it. And I have been unable to definitively attribute it to any specific author. But it has always been a favorite of mine. So whoever you are, wherever you are, and whenever you wrote it...thank you!
Friday, May 2, 2014
Fortune Friday: "You will conquer obstacles to achieve success."
Conquer is such an imposing word, usually connoting force and power and aggressiveness. And if obstacles are standing between you and the success you hope to achieve, then some good old-fashioned blunt force trauma would seem the appropriate plan of action. Tear down those walls. Pound those impediments to bits. Break through those pesky hedgerows. Hulk smash!
Makes sense right?
The problem with the storm-the-beachhead assault mentality is that it can become exhausting to maintain. Like Sisyphus rolling the stone up the hill day after day, continually trying to pound away at obstacles get really old, really fast.
So what is a better approach?
Turn it into a game. Make it fun. Gamify it. In fact, conquer comes from the Latin conquirere which means to gain or win. Doesn't that sound a lot more enjoyable than sludging through the proverbial mud trying to beat our obstacles into submission?
I know it does for me. I know myself well enough to know that as soon as something becomes a chore to me, my motivation quickly dissipates. Even if it is something I really want, the minute it begins to feel like a 'have to' instead of a 'want to' my interest starts to wane.
Better (for me at least) to make a game of it. Figure out ways to keep score, to tally points, to keep it light and fun. Throw some mini-rewards in there. Yes, I understand that not all tasks or goals are inherently enjoyable. In fact, some of them downright suck. But it is the way we approach them that can make all the difference. We can bring a higher mindset to the task. We can figure out ways to turn it into a game. The obstacle may not be fun in the standard sense, but it can be fun nonetheless.
When we switch our conquering mentality from overcoming to winning, the path to success becomes a much easier—not to mention pleasurable—road to travel.
To your good fortune!
Makes sense right?
The problem with the storm-the-beachhead assault mentality is that it can become exhausting to maintain. Like Sisyphus rolling the stone up the hill day after day, continually trying to pound away at obstacles get really old, really fast.
So what is a better approach?
Turn it into a game. Make it fun. Gamify it. In fact, conquer comes from the Latin conquirere which means to gain or win. Doesn't that sound a lot more enjoyable than sludging through the proverbial mud trying to beat our obstacles into submission?
I know it does for me. I know myself well enough to know that as soon as something becomes a chore to me, my motivation quickly dissipates. Even if it is something I really want, the minute it begins to feel like a 'have to' instead of a 'want to' my interest starts to wane.
Better (for me at least) to make a game of it. Figure out ways to keep score, to tally points, to keep it light and fun. Throw some mini-rewards in there. Yes, I understand that not all tasks or goals are inherently enjoyable. In fact, some of them downright suck. But it is the way we approach them that can make all the difference. We can bring a higher mindset to the task. We can figure out ways to turn it into a game. The obstacle may not be fun in the standard sense, but it can be fun nonetheless.
When we switch our conquering mentality from overcoming to winning, the path to success becomes a much easier—not to mention pleasurable—road to travel.
To your good fortune!
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
Why Do You Want A Million Dollars?
If you were to ask the average person how much money in the bank would make their life better, the typical response would be "a million dollars". That is the magical number that has been proffered for years as the gateway to early retirement and care-free living. Given inflation, these days that number is probably closer to two million.
But we're not here to talk financial strategy. We're here to examine the motivation behind the money. Because when we think of money, we're not thinking about literal piles of cash. We all know there isn't a locked vault at the bank with our name on it filled with neat stacks of currency, right? Our bank balances are nothing more than an ordered system of ones and zeroes in a computer.
So what about having a million dollars is so appealing? What is it we are truly after—what is at the source of our pursuit of material wealth?
I think it comes down to two basic things: Ability and security.
ABILITY
We don't really want—unless you're Charles Foster Kane—a roomful of money. What you want is the things and experiences that money can give you. Money is a great medium for the exchange of goods and services and is a lot easier than carrying around chickens or sacks of grain to barter.
But there are many experiences (and things) that can be had for next to no cost, if not free. A long walk in the park might go more towards mending a flagging relationship than a vacation trip to Tahiti.
SECURITY
This is the one that comes up the most, particularly during difficult economic times. We think that if we can build our castle walls high enough, we can keep the dragons at bay—we can be safe. So we desperately try to acquire as many goods and financial reserves as we can.
Sure, a lot of problems can be solved by simply throwing money at them. Sufficient food, shelter and clothing are very real issues for many people. But you don't need a million dollars to fix that.
Security is an illusion. It isn't real.
I could stockpile millions of dollars in my bank account and tomorrow I could be run over by a bus and all my so-called security would be for nothing. Yes, we can safeguard against a lot of things, but total security is a myth. No one is ever completely safe.
For those in the first world, security is less about physical protection and more about internal feelings. We use our bank balance as a mental pacifier to regulate our anxiety and stress. Human beings like to feel in control of their universe. But just watch the evening news and you know how futile that is.
We think we want security, but what we want is capability.
We want to know and feel—deep down in our core—that we have what it takes when the crap comes down. And that feeling of capability is something you can give yourself. In fact, you already have it. It is inside you, it is innate. It is part of your God-given DNA.
The very fact that you are alive and breathing is proof that you have weathered everything this world has thrown at you thus far. You are infinitely more capable and resourceful than you give yourself credit for. And ultimately that is the best form of security you can have.
And you don't need a million dollars to get it.
But we're not here to talk financial strategy. We're here to examine the motivation behind the money. Because when we think of money, we're not thinking about literal piles of cash. We all know there isn't a locked vault at the bank with our name on it filled with neat stacks of currency, right? Our bank balances are nothing more than an ordered system of ones and zeroes in a computer.
So what about having a million dollars is so appealing? What is it we are truly after—what is at the source of our pursuit of material wealth?
I think it comes down to two basic things: Ability and security.
ABILITY
We don't really want—unless you're Charles Foster Kane—a roomful of money. What you want is the things and experiences that money can give you. Money is a great medium for the exchange of goods and services and is a lot easier than carrying around chickens or sacks of grain to barter.
But there are many experiences (and things) that can be had for next to no cost, if not free. A long walk in the park might go more towards mending a flagging relationship than a vacation trip to Tahiti.
SECURITY
This is the one that comes up the most, particularly during difficult economic times. We think that if we can build our castle walls high enough, we can keep the dragons at bay—we can be safe. So we desperately try to acquire as many goods and financial reserves as we can.
Sure, a lot of problems can be solved by simply throwing money at them. Sufficient food, shelter and clothing are very real issues for many people. But you don't need a million dollars to fix that.
Security is an illusion. It isn't real.
I could stockpile millions of dollars in my bank account and tomorrow I could be run over by a bus and all my so-called security would be for nothing. Yes, we can safeguard against a lot of things, but total security is a myth. No one is ever completely safe.
For those in the first world, security is less about physical protection and more about internal feelings. We use our bank balance as a mental pacifier to regulate our anxiety and stress. Human beings like to feel in control of their universe. But just watch the evening news and you know how futile that is.
We think we want security, but what we want is capability.
We want to know and feel—deep down in our core—that we have what it takes when the crap comes down. And that feeling of capability is something you can give yourself. In fact, you already have it. It is inside you, it is innate. It is part of your God-given DNA.
The very fact that you are alive and breathing is proof that you have weathered everything this world has thrown at you thus far. You are infinitely more capable and resourceful than you give yourself credit for. And ultimately that is the best form of security you can have.
And you don't need a million dollars to get it.
Friday, April 25, 2014
Fortune Friday: "Tomorrow is a good day for trying something new."
I love tomorrow. Every tomorrow is a new day, bringing with it the promise of a fresh start, a reboot, a do-over, a chance to begin anew.
Because tomorrow is tomorrow, it does not exist yet. So literally anything we do tomorrow will be something new. And for as long as we have a tomorrow, we have a never-ending supply of opportunities to try again.
Today not go so well for you? Tomorrow could turn out better.
Did tomorrow turn out even worse? Tomorrow might turn out better.
Got a little snippy at your partner today? Tomorrow is a chance to begin fresh.
Put off creating in favor of watching reruns? Tomorrow you can start over.
Slept in and skipped the gym this morning? Tomorrow you can attack it again with renewed vigor.
It is so easy to fall into the all-or-none trap—the "well if I can't do it perfectly, I'm not going to do it at all" syndrome. For get all that. Yesterday is done. In the past. Gone. Lost to the ether forever. You can't get it back so just let it go.
Tomorrow is new—a good day to try again.
To your good fortune!
Because tomorrow is tomorrow, it does not exist yet. So literally anything we do tomorrow will be something new. And for as long as we have a tomorrow, we have a never-ending supply of opportunities to try again.
Today not go so well for you? Tomorrow could turn out better.
Did tomorrow turn out even worse? Tomorrow might turn out better.
Got a little snippy at your partner today? Tomorrow is a chance to begin fresh.
Put off creating in favor of watching reruns? Tomorrow you can start over.
Slept in and skipped the gym this morning? Tomorrow you can attack it again with renewed vigor.
It is so easy to fall into the all-or-none trap—the "well if I can't do it perfectly, I'm not going to do it at all" syndrome. For get all that. Yesterday is done. In the past. Gone. Lost to the ether forever. You can't get it back so just let it go.
Tomorrow is new—a good day to try again.
To your good fortune!
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
Think Outside Your Box
The path to innovation and success, so we're told, is thinking outside of the box. But which box specifically—where is it exactly and how do we go about thinking outside of it? Might I suggest that you start with that box that sits squarely atop your shoulders.
That's right. The box is not out there in some mythical, hard-to-reach location. The box is you. You are your own box. It is inside you, inside your head.
You need to step outside of it. You need to get out of your own mind—just for a little while.
Observe it objectively from afar. Be your own fly on your own wall. Be curious, ask your box lots of questions like the 4 Questions Byron Katie uses in The Work.
And when you've asked those questions, ask some more. New thinking is best stimulated by asking questions. Because if you already knew the answers you were seeking there would be no need to think about it in the first place.
I know that seems like kind of a "duh" statement. Because it is. But I am constantly amazed how people continually return to their old, finite, existing patterns of thought when they are in search of new answers to new problems.
News flash: You won't find the answers there.
Albert Einstein said it best when he said, "We can not solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them."
If Einstein's statement is true, then we need to access a new or higher level of thinking in order to find the solutions we seek. Aside from asking questions (as we discussed earlier) I would suggest two additional methods for thinking outside of the box.
First, get help. Two heads are better than one, as they say. So go out and enlist the aid of someone whose opinion you trust. Let them ask questions. Observe them observing you observing yourself. Zoom out. Go wide. Open up to the possibility of something never before seen.
Second, be willing to abandon anything and everything you have previously believed in order to create space for something new. Empty your cup, as Bruce Lee would say. Remember, nature abhors a vacuum—it will rush in to fill the void in your mind. What comes flooding in will usually be the answers you are looking for.
Think outside your box. Let go of what you think you know. You just might be amazed and what you find.
That's right. The box is not out there in some mythical, hard-to-reach location. The box is you. You are your own box. It is inside you, inside your head.
You need to step outside of it. You need to get out of your own mind—just for a little while.
Observe it objectively from afar. Be your own fly on your own wall. Be curious, ask your box lots of questions like the 4 Questions Byron Katie uses in The Work.
And when you've asked those questions, ask some more. New thinking is best stimulated by asking questions. Because if you already knew the answers you were seeking there would be no need to think about it in the first place.
I know that seems like kind of a "duh" statement. Because it is. But I am constantly amazed how people continually return to their old, finite, existing patterns of thought when they are in search of new answers to new problems.
News flash: You won't find the answers there.
Albert Einstein said it best when he said, "We can not solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them."
If Einstein's statement is true, then we need to access a new or higher level of thinking in order to find the solutions we seek. Aside from asking questions (as we discussed earlier) I would suggest two additional methods for thinking outside of the box.
First, get help. Two heads are better than one, as they say. So go out and enlist the aid of someone whose opinion you trust. Let them ask questions. Observe them observing you observing yourself. Zoom out. Go wide. Open up to the possibility of something never before seen.
Second, be willing to abandon anything and everything you have previously believed in order to create space for something new. Empty your cup, as Bruce Lee would say. Remember, nature abhors a vacuum—it will rush in to fill the void in your mind. What comes flooding in will usually be the answers you are looking for.
Think outside your box. Let go of what you think you know. You just might be amazed and what you find.
Friday, April 18, 2014
Fortune Friday: "Get your mind set... Confidence will lead you on."
Most of us would agree that having the proper mindset is critical to achieving success in this world, however we choose to define it. Sports psychologists talk about being in the "zone" or in the state of "flow." Do an internet search for "positive mental attitude" and you will get 8 million results. In business, athletics, the arts, and life in general, having and maintaining the right mindset is crucial.
Usually we equate mindset with getting our thoughts into the right position or place—to focus. Like when your coach yells at you to "get your head in the game!"
And this approach seems to work—at least for a little while. But often that focus fades when the pressure to perform is gone. Out of sight out of mind. Granted, it is difficult if not impossible to maintain peak levels of "game on" mindset all the time. Our brains need downtime. Too much being "on" and our minds go to mush.
So instead of trying to maintain this elevated state of mind, what if we tried a different approach?
What if we do like the fortune says and get our mind set. One of the definitions for set is to harden into a solid or semisolid state; as in making Jell-O salad, or putting curlers in ones hair, or pouring cement.
What if we hardened our thoughts—made them more resolute and solid and thick? No longer wishy-washy, vague, or subject to mood, whim, or circumstance.
In other words, we made a commitment via decision. A commitment that once made would eliminate our need to repeatedly try and get (back) into the right mindset. We could run on a virtual mindset autopilot—always on, always humming away quietly in the background.
In this state, we would operate from a place of confidence. Perhaps all the time. No more second guessing ourselves. No more beating ourselves up for breaking promises to ourselves...again.
In other words, integrity. And personal integrity begets confidence.
Confidence is a byproduct of commitment.
Set your mind—make a hard-and-fast decision—and confidence will lead you on to the life our your dreams.
To your good fortune!
Usually we equate mindset with getting our thoughts into the right position or place—to focus. Like when your coach yells at you to "get your head in the game!"
And this approach seems to work—at least for a little while. But often that focus fades when the pressure to perform is gone. Out of sight out of mind. Granted, it is difficult if not impossible to maintain peak levels of "game on" mindset all the time. Our brains need downtime. Too much being "on" and our minds go to mush.
So instead of trying to maintain this elevated state of mind, what if we tried a different approach?
What if we do like the fortune says and get our mind set. One of the definitions for set is to harden into a solid or semisolid state; as in making Jell-O salad, or putting curlers in ones hair, or pouring cement.
What if we hardened our thoughts—made them more resolute and solid and thick? No longer wishy-washy, vague, or subject to mood, whim, or circumstance.
In other words, we made a commitment via decision. A commitment that once made would eliminate our need to repeatedly try and get (back) into the right mindset. We could run on a virtual mindset autopilot—always on, always humming away quietly in the background.
In this state, we would operate from a place of confidence. Perhaps all the time. No more second guessing ourselves. No more beating ourselves up for breaking promises to ourselves...again.
In other words, integrity. And personal integrity begets confidence.
Confidence is a byproduct of commitment.
Set your mind—make a hard-and-fast decision—and confidence will lead you on to the life our your dreams.
To your good fortune!
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